The Girls
by TheRoseShadow21
Summary: Chitaru Namatame has recently been bereaved. Hitsugi carries secrets that are so deep she doesn't know them all herself. After bumping into each other, they try and get to know each other. It doesn't take long for them to fall in love, but will their heavy burdens allow them to have the happiness they deserve? AU story, Rated T for various reasons including some death and violence.
1. Prologue: Lucky

**And...I did something I never thought I would do-a multichapter AU romance for Akuma no Riddle. And as you may have gathered, it's Chitaru/Hitsugi based. It's mostly going to be from Chitaru's POV, but as the story goes on, there will be little bits from Hitsugi's PV too, and eventually a whole chapter or two depending on how things go. Other characters will appear, but as they are AU there will be age differences (for example). Not all others will appear, but a few do get mentions. **

**In any case, I hope you enjoy this story, and do leave me feedback. **

"Okay, Okay, not long to go…"

Chitaru Namatame, like most people, really hated paperwork, but she forced herself to complete it. It was an important part of her work, and if she didn't complete it properly, the people she counselled would be failed. Especially when they decided to move on from her to go to a counsellor or psychiatrist from a medical establishment rather than the Myojo First Police Station. Like the girl whose referral papers she was writing up now. A sweet youngster, who seemed like a fairy-tale princess with her silver hair and sweet voice, had been the victim of systematic abuse, and when she had been rescued, was an absolute wreck. Unfortunately for the girl, the sentence the dirt bags would receive depended entirely on her testimony. And so an intensive year of therapy began, with Chitaru aiming not only to make the girl stable enough to testify, but able to learn how to adjust to normal life. And she had been successful, and now the girl was moving to the other side of Myojo city with her foster mother.

Thinking of such cases made Chitaru work even harder to make sure all the administration had been done properly. However, she still hated it.

The ringing of her desk phone distracted her. Sighing, she picked it up.

"Namatame."

"Namatame, you're still in. That's good." Chitaru chuckled at the surprised voice of Lieutenant Tokaku Azuma.

"Lieutenant, please don't tell me you've never done paperwork before."

"Don't be silly."

"So, what is it, Lieutenant?"

"We might need your help, at the crime scene we're going to now."

"Okay…" This wasn't unusual for Chitaru's line of work, particularly where there were hysterical victims (or survivors) involved. Most of the Homicide/Violent Crimes department agreed that Chitaru had a calming, yet strong aura about her. The result, they said, was comforting.

"There might be children there." Azuma explained. "Detectives Inoue and Inukai will explain the rest to you when you get here."

"Oh, you won't be there?"

Chitaru could hear Azuma sigh.

"Haru has a sleepover. I can't honestly expect Tatsuya to handle five crazy seven year olds."

"Not even with Takechi's help?"

"ESPECIALLY with Otoya's help." Azuma corrected. Chitaru grinned. Nobody who encountered Azuma would ever guess she was a loving wife, and an excellent mother of one very special little girl. The stoic lieutenant seemed as unsuited for a happy family life as some of the psychopaths she'd arrested. But Chitaru knew that Azuma was the best person anyone could want in their family.

"Okay, fine. Text me the address and I'll be there as soon as possible."

"Thanks." Azuma hung up without saying goodbye, and Chitaru got up, stretching her legs as she did so. It seemed as if the rest of the paperwork would be delayed for later.

**…**

"Repeated complaints of disturbances, to which the owner has mysteriously never responded, rumours of injured individuals wandering the site, and then the gunshots and crying children of a few hours ago….it's all in those notes Hiroshi-kun made, so you can just read it, can't you?"

"Of course I can." Chitaru said to Detective Isuke Inukai, another person who defied appearances. "And I assume the place has been cleared? "

"Yes." Detective Hiroshi Inoue said. "We wouldn't place you in harm's way, Namatame-san!"

"Hey, you're supposed to be flirting with _me_!" Inukai mock-pouted, making Inoue blush. Chitaru rolled her eyes, and carried on walking.

"So, as you haven't been able to pinpoint the crying, how do you know the place is safe? " Chitaru felt this was a valid question.

"Oh, just vague and secretive police techniques." One of the crime techs said, airily as she walked past them in the sprawling mansion, causing them all to laugh, before resuming a sober expression.

"Detective Inoue!" A rookie officer whose name Chitaru couldn't place came up to them, his face a bit red. "We've found the room where the noise originated from." He pointed, and the three entered the room.

"There are two babies in there, but there doesn't seem to be anyone else." The rookie said from the doorway. Chitaru could see that much, but refrained from saying so.

"Is it OK for me to cross the room?" she asked, pointing to the babies, who were still crying.

"Go for it." The crime-scene tech said. "We finished that area anyway." Chitaru looked at Inukai for confirmation, and then went and knelt down by the babies.

They were very young, with fluffy heads of cerulean hair. Their clothes were barely adequate, and so she could see that they were girls.

"Hey, it's OK." Awkwardly, she picked up one baby and cradled her in the crook of one arm, before managing to do the same with the other one. Then, she made rocking motions while humming a song she vaguely remembered from her childhood. And gradually, the babies calmed down.

"Well." Inukai made a show of clearing her throat. "Azuma made the correct judgement, bringing you here. I can't stand little children."

Chitaru ignored her, and continued humming to the girls as she carefully stood up. She looked at their young faces, and wondered what had happened.

_Does your mama miss you? Or is she the one who left you here? I wish you were both old enough to tell me-then I could help. _

"Namatame-san? Do you want to accompany the babies to the hospital?"

"I think I will."

**…**

That night, when she got home, she went to her attic and pulled down all the baby stuff still stowed there, and then went to find a suitable room to furnish with her find. Normally, she found it lonely, having all these rooms and no-one to share them with.

All of that would soon change, if she was lucky.

**…**

"You're _adopting_ the twins? No way." Inukai went bug-eyed with shock.

When Chitaru told her co-workers her intentions over the lunch break, she didn't expect them to be surprised. She had been visiting the babies in hospital for a week now, and she would have thought her attachment to them was transparent. Apparently now.

"Why not? Nobody's been able to track their parents down? And they'd only go into care."

"But still, that's kind of out of the blue."

"Why, were you planning to adopt them, Inukai, self-confessed hater of children?"

"…"

"She's only teasing, Inukai!" Inoue said, panicked.

"I know that, Hiroshi-kun! I'm not stupid!"

"Ah, ah. I didn't mean to cause an argument. I just thought you might like to know, given that they're part of your case." Chitaru explained.

"I'm not sure what the fuss is anyway. " Azuma spoke up for the first time since the discussion had started. They all fell silent at that. Despite the girl looking nothing like her, they had all forgotten how Azuma had adopted little Haru three years ago, after the girl survived a break in at her home that had resulted in her entire family dying. Haru still kept her family surname, and continued to refer to Azuma as 'Tokaku-san', but there was no doubt that Azuma was a great adoptive mother, and Haru a lovely adoptive daughter.

"Whatever." Azuma said after the silence went on for a little too long. "I'll support you. We all will, right?" she glared at the rest of them, as if to coerce them into agreement. But there was no need. Chitaru knew that her co-workers were loyal friends, and would support her no matter what.

**…**

Four months later, after a long day split between court and work, Chitaru Namatame pushed a two-seated pram up to her front door.

"Hey, Sachika, Mami, look." She told the babies in the pram. "This is your new home. Our new home." The babies gurgled and laughed as she opened the door and wheeled them in.

_It seems that I did get lucky, after all. _


	2. Chitaru, Mami and Sachika

**To avoid confusion: This takes place almost seven years after the prologue, and in a way could be seen as 'set-up'. You'll understand why in due time. **

Chitaru rolled over and reached across to her bedside table to turn the alarm off. Then, she got up and went over to the window to pull the curtains, yawning as she did so.

"Ah, it's another sunny day." She mused as light streamed into the room. She paused to look out of the window, before yawning again and going to brush her teeth, before going into the girls' room.

"Sachika, Mami! It's time to get up." She pulled their curtains, letting light into the room. Sachika woke up straight away, but Mami didn't. Sachika started to make her bed, all the while looking over at Mami.

"Go brush your teeth, Sachika." Chitaru said, even though she knew there was no point. Sachika would wait for her sister until she woke up.

"Uuu…" Mami's eyes slowly opened. "Mama….I was having a nice dream….." she sat up, and rubbed her eyes. Chitaru held back a laugh. Mami really _wasn't_ a morning person. It would be interesting to see what she was like as an adolescent.

"I know that, Mami. But you have school today."

"Oh…I forgot." After a few moments of blinking dazedly, Mami also got out of bed, and then the girls went to brush their teeth, and Chitaru went to get changed.

She was just trying to tame her bed-hair when Sachika came in.

"Mama, can you tie my hair into those twisty buns?" she asked, brandishing her comb and a fistful of hairbands.

"Of course. What about Mami? Does she want her hair done?"

"She's doing it in ponytails, but I wanted it in twisty buns."

"Okeydokey then. Come sit on the bed." Sachika obliged, and Chitaru worked on her hair, marvelling at how silky and bright it was. Almost like a piece of the sky.

"Which hairbands did you want?" Chitaru asked, getting ready to tie up one side.

"I'm wearing_ purple_, Mama!" Sachika sounded as if Chitaru had asked her the silliest question. Chitaru smiled to herself.

"Of course, silly me. "

After that, it did not take very long for Chitaru to finish Sachika's hair, and after hugging her as a thanks, Sachika dashed out of the room to go find Mami, and then the two rushed down to get their bowls of cereal. Chitaru soon followed to make them cups of tea, and fix a slice of toast and cup of strong coffee for herself.

20 minutes later, all three of them were wrapped up and ready to go. Mami and Sachika went and sat in the back of the car, and Chitaru, naturally, went and sat in the driver's seat.

"What song do you want to play?" Chitaru asked, flicking through the CD collection.

"Mama, you _know_ what song! " Mami then sung a few lines of the song, and Sachika joined in.

"Okay, Okay. I shouldn't have asked. " Chitaru put the correct CD in. Sachika and Mami were both utterly obsessed with this mixed-gender band, which had started out as a YouTube group covering songs, but now had a few hits of their own. Even Chitaru knew some of the words to the song they had been listening to, and sang along with them as she drove along.

"Kimi da yo, kimi nandayo, oshiete kureta….kurayami mo owaru k-Oh, Mami, Sachika, we're here!" Chitaru stopped the CD, and parked the car, but the girls continued singing until they had all got out of the car.

"Okay then, Sachika, Mami. I'll see you later. "

"Yeah, bye-bye, Mama!" Sachika and Mami said in unison.

"Will you say hi to Tokaku-san and Isuke-san for us?" Mami asked.

"Of course I will. Quick hug?" They launched themselves at Chitaru, grinning, and then took off down the street. Chitaru stood and watched them until they could no longer be seen, and then she went into the police station for another day at work.

**…**

When she got into her office, and put her coat and bag down, she decided to remind herself of the schedule for the day. It turned out she had two appointments in her office, one over at the nearest courthouse, and then there was the department meeting. Not too bad a day, but she had a feeling Inukai would disagree with her, especially as they had the department meeting.

After checking her emails, she decided to go to the canteen and get herself another cup of coffee. As she passed the entrance, Azuma came in, looking very tired.

"Lieutenant. You're normally early." Chitaru commented. "Did you oversleep?"

Azuma glared as she made her way to Chitaru, but Chitaru didn't take it personally. Azuma was the type that needed her sleep. And when she said 'needed sleep' she meant '_really_ needed sleep'.

"We had to get Otoya sectioned again." Azuma said abruptly. Chitaru looked at her with sympathy.

"Talk to me about it. I'll get you a coffee." They walked to the canteen together, and Azuma explained.

"She's been stealing scissors and other sharp items from her workplace, and then we found out she hasn't been on her medication after she started raving about wanting to kill Haru, and Tatsuya, and me…when we confronted her about the stealing, she actually tried to attack Tatsuya….nothing too different to the other times she's relapsed, but a lot more violent, and bloodthirsty. " Azuma paused for breath, and then added. "For once, I'm glad that Haru's drama troupe requires so many residential school trips."

"It can't be helped, I guess. I suppose Tatsuya doesn't want her permanently institutionalised."

"Of course not. He still feels guilty for not having known about her in his childhood. That, and she does actually love Haru…I'm convinced that once she recovers, she's going to feel so bad."

"Well, Takechi isn't a bad person. Just incredibly troubled. She's done well to get to this point in the first place. Ah, here's your coffee."

"Thanks. Don't you think I know that?!"

"It's something worth repeating, Lieutenant. In any case, if you think Tatsuya wants someone to talk to, I'll set some time aside to make an appointment for him. Or I can give you the numbers of some counsellors who specialise in family issues."

"I'll think about it." Which was Azuma's way of saying 'thanks, but let's change the subject now.' So, they spent a few moments talking about Haru, and about Sachika and Mami. Inukai arrived, soon followed by Inoue and their forensic scientist friends Mika Takanashi and Ryou Watanabe. They all chatted for a few moments more before they went their separate days to start work.

**…**

"Ah, sorry!" Chitaru stepped back and held out a hand to help up the young woman she had bumped into. The woman smiled, and accepted the hand.

"It's OK; you seem like a nice person. And I'm in a bit of a rush, so I wasn't looking where I was going."

"I'm in a rush, too. Anyway, I'm glad you're not hurt. Have a good day!"

"You too, Miss!"

And so that is how Chitaru ended up smiling as she approached the courthouse. But it was just a fleeting encounter, and so she forgot about it soon after she met up with the bereaved family she was supporting.

**…**

"Oh. My. God. How can Kaiba talk THAT MUCH for SO LONG?!" Inukai complained when the department meeting ended at 7:30. Chitaru sympathised. Their chief really was something else completely.

"I've never been so tired listening to just one person talk. " Mika said. "But don't get me wrong, The Chief's pretty awesome."

"Takanashi, you've said that the last 3 times we've had department meetings." Azuma pointed out.

"Eheheh, is that so…?" Mika scratched her head absently, looking sheepish.

"Argh, let's get back to talking about me! I was going to re-do my nails today as well…but he took so long…"

"Inukai, your nails look fine." Chitaru said.

"Yes, but they've been the same colour for _three whole weeks_!"

Even Azuma laughed at that one. Inukai really could be a bit of a princess.

"Anyway, I should get going." Chitaru said when they had reached her car.

"Oh, you've got to pick up your twins, right?" Inoue said.

"Yeah. Mami and Sachika are at a neighbour's place, but it is getting late for them." In conversation, Chitaru never referred to her daughters as 'the girls'. She didn't want them to be lumped into one category just because they were twins.

"Gah, lucky you. We still have to go back after getting dinner." Ryou complained, jokingly.

"That's not my fault, that's the fraud department's fault." Chitaru said, smiling. "See you later."

"Bye!"

Chitaru drove off, turning on the radio and absently listening to the news until she reached her house. She parked the car in front of it, then walked up to the larger house at the very end of the road, and rang the bell the same way she had done many, many times throughout her life.

The door opened.

"Ah, Chitaru-Chan, you're back. Come in for a few moments, won't you? I gave Sacchan and Macchan their dinners. Beef ravioli. I hope you don't mind. "

"No, no, its fine, Suzu-san. They'll probably be going to bed a bit earlier. "

Chitaru smiled, and took off her shoes before going into the living room. She had known Suzu since she had been a little girl. Suzu had been elderly back then as well, but Chitaru counted her as one of her best friends, even now. And most people wouldn't believe Suzu was old as she actually was. There was no mistaking she had been on the earth for a long time, but she had aged well. And her vitality and spirit made her seem very youthful. In short, Chitaru treasured Suzu.

"I assume Sachika and Mami are upstairs. Did you get them to do their homework?"

"I managed to, yes. Sacchan was a bit more reluctant to, though. Some of it's 'not due for ages' according to her. I let them go and play with my old clothes now. Macchan in particular seems to like Meiji period dress." Suzu chuckled.

"That sounds about right. Mami loves clothes, and stories."

"Anyway, Chitaru-Chan, tell me about your day."

And so Chitaru did, for a little while. Then, she got up.

"I should really get Mami and Sachika now."

"Of course, let me go and get them." Suzu got up carefully and went to the staircase.

"Sacchan, Macchan! Your Mama's here!"

Almost immediately, Sachika and Mami came rushing down the stairs.

"MAMA!" they rushed at Chitaru, knocking the breath out of her. She laughed.

"You guys ready to go home now?"

"Yeah!" Sachika said. "Our bags are in the kitchen!" they went off to get them, and came back.

"Mami, what are you holding?"

Mami sheepishly held up a fancy but old-looking hair ribbon.

"It's so pretty!" she said, as if that was a defence.

"You can't just take things." Chitaru explained. "Put it back, please."

"Oh, it's fine. Let Macchan keep it." Suzu said.

Mami turned to her, wide-eyed.

"Can I? Really? Really really really and truly?!"

"Of course. I have no use for it, except letting the two of you play with it."

"Oh my gosh, yay! Thanks, Suzu! Mama, I'm wearing this in my hair tomorrow!"

"Okay. Thanks, Suzu-san."

"Not a problem." Suzu paused, as if changing gears in her mind, and then said. "So, you're picking up the girls tomorrow, right? So they won't need to come here, then?"

"That's right." But Chitaru could detect the loneliness behind Suzu's words. It was hard outliving most of your family members. So she added:

"But we'll come to yours for dinner, if that's OK?"

Suzu smiled gratefully.

"Of course it is. Now, you get home safely."

"Of course. Bye, Suzu-san."

"See you later, Suzu!" Sachika and Mami chorused.

The three of them walked the short distance home, and Sachika and Mami brushed their teeth and changed into nightclothes. Then, Chitaru read a story to the girls before they finally went to sleep. Then, Chitaru looked for last night's leftovers, and ate them in front of the television, before also brushing her teeth and changing, and then going to bed, falling asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow, looking forward to starting the whole process again in the morning and getting to spend another day with her girls.

**As an aside, can anyone guess the name of the band Sachika and Mami like?**


	3. The Bad News

Chitaru rolled over and reached across to her bedside table to turn the alarm off. Then, she got up and went over to the window to pull the curtains, yawning as she did so.

It was a cloudy day this time, almost making Chitaru want to pull the curtains closed again.

_Ah, Mami and Sachika will be disappointed. _ With that sobering thought, Chitaru shook off her tiredness and went to wake up her daughters.

"Sachika, Mami! It's time to get up." She pulled their curtains, letting light into the room. Sachika woke up straight away, but Mami didn't. Sachika started to make her bed, all the while looking over at Mami.

"Go brush your teeth, Sachika." Chitaru said, even though she knew there was no point. Sachika would wait for her sister until she woke up. Luckily for her, the waking up process didn't take that long.

"Uuu…nooo…lemme sleep….oh wait, we have the trip today!" Mami got up, and the three of them went to the bathroom to brush their teeth.

"Mama, you don't normally brush your teeth with us." Sachika said while she brushed her teeth.

"No, but I woke up earlier to wake you up, because of your school trip."

"Oh, okay."

Chitaru went to get changed, and so did the girls. Mami came to her when she had trouble putting in the hair ribbon she had received from Suzu the night before, and then they all went down to have breakfast together.

"I notice you're wearing similar styles today." Chitaru observed, looking at Sachika and Mami's almost identical half-up/half-down hairstyles.

"Well, yes, but I have the hair ribbon!" Mami said. "Silly Mama, they won't get us mixed up!"

"Well, I suppose you're right. No pranks, though!" The last time the girls had decided to wear similar hairstyles to school, they had done it to confuse their teachers and classmates. It was funny, looking back on it, but at the time, the incident had been very annoying. But children were children, after all.

"Don't worry Mama, we'll be good!" Mami said. "We don't want to get lost in the museum!"

"Yes. We'll be good, Mama!" Sachika agreed. Sincerity gleamed in the girls' dark eyes.

"Well, that's good."

As she had intended, Sachika and Mami burst into peals of laughter. Then, they got on with finishing their breakfasts.

20 minutes later, all three of them were wrapped up and ready to go. Mami and Sachika went and sat in the back of the car, and Chitaru, naturally, went and sat in the driver's seat.

"Okay, before we drive off, have you got everything? "

"YES!" the girls chorused in unison.

"Including your extra snacks, and money, and the list of everyone's phone numbers?"

"YES!" as extra proof, the girls took the items out of their schoolbags and waved them at Chitaru until she was satisfied. Then, they put everything back in their schoolbags and put on their seatbelts. Once Chitaru had put in the correct CD, they were off. And, as usual, they sang the whole way.

"Right, we're here." Chitaru said just as the final track finished.

"Huh? You drove us all the way to school?" Mami looked utterly confused.

"Yes, I did. You didn't notice?"

"No….."

Sachika looked just as baffled. Chitaru shook her head in amazement, and then got out of the car to let the girls out. Without prompting, they hugged her and ran off to join the gathering group of first graders. Just as they neared the group, Sachika turned back to wave. Chitaru held her hand up in response, and after watching them for a few moments, got back into the car to drive to work.

**…**

"Yo, Namatame, you're early today."

"Sachika and Mami have a school trip today."

"I see, I see. Well, that explains the two cups of coffee…and the giant chocolate milkshake?!"

"Oh, no, the milkshake's for my client. He's rather child-like, and happens to like milkshakes."

"Oh, I see. Well, see ya later, Namatame."

"You too, Natsuhara."

Chitaru went into her office, set down the cups, and put away her coat and bag. Then, she located her client's file, sat at her desk, and sipped at her coffee while waiting.

**…**

The pile of paperwork she had pulled out after her last appointment was half as small as it had been at the start when it occurred to Chitaru that she should probably get something to eat.

_Did I bring lunch with me today?_

A quick look through her bag confirmed that she had not. So, canteen it was then. She looked to see what time it was.

_Whoa, seriously, 2:30?! I really did lose track of time. Oh well, at least the canteen won't be crowded. _

The station was fairly quiet, but she knew that Azuma and the others had a case they were working on with the Theft and Robbery Division, so it didn't bother her too much. But it did bother her when she came out into the reception area and saw that there was nobody there at the reception.

Then she remembered who was on duty, and sighed. Myojo first had two receptionists. The first was a girl fresh out of school called Fuyuka, who had to earn extra money to help bring up her horde of younger siblings. She had an older sibling who was a construction worker, but their mother had died a few years back following the youngest sibling's birth. As a result, Fuyuka was a hard-working and motivated girl, despite only working for three days per week. The same could not be said for their other receptionist Mayuri, who seemed like a very spoilt and pampered girl. She made Inukai seem like a charity worker. Not that Inukai was bad, per se, just a bit of a diva. But Mayuri took the definition of diva and turned it into something else completely.

This explained why she wasn't at the reception. Chitaru looked to see if she'd left any little note to explain her absence. Naturally, she hadn't. She shrugged, and was about to go to the canteen when the phone rang.

She looked around to see if Mayuri would be back soon, but it didn't seem like it, so she picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Do you know if the victim counsellor is in?"

"Speaking. "

"Ah, good, good. There's been a bus accident on Uchida Street, and we have a lot of ….hysterical witnesses."

"Uchida Street? That's nearer to Myojo Third, isn't it? Why haven't you contacted the victim counsellor there?"

"The scale of the incident is…large. We need your help."

"Erm…can I ask who this is?"

"Officer Manabu Asahina."

"Okay, Officer Asahina, I'll be there soon."

"Thank you." The guy sounded grateful as he hung up, and so it occurred to Chitaru that he might have been a rookie officer. But of course, that wasn't the point. Right now, she had a job to do. That and she needed to make a mental note to herself to tell Chief Kaiba to find another receptionist.

**…**

Chitaru couldn't really see what had happened as she got out of the car, as there were a lot of people blocking the way. She did catch a glimpse of crime-scene tape and mangled metal, which told her enough. The sounds of people crying also told her a lot.

"Lieutenant, Inukai!" she caught sight of Azuma and Inukai, who appeared to be interviewing a shaky looking witness. They didn't hear her, so she began to inch forward, pulling out her ID card so she could flash it at anyone who questioned her presence.

After a couple of attempts, she managed to get their attention. They blinked for a moment, a bit confused. Then, their facial expressions changed into something completely different. Horror.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Azuma and Inukai conferred briefly, and then Inukai resumed talking to the witness while Azuma approached her.

"What's wrong?" Chitaru asked again.

"Why are you here?" Azuma asked, sounding almost angry. Chitaru suddenly had a very, very bad feeling.

"Erm….some officer called…said he needed a victim counsellor for the traumatised victims. Officer Manabu Asahina, his name was."

Azuma gritted her teeth, and didn't say anything for a moment. Then, she took a deep breath.

"We need to get you away from here."

"What, why? "

"We need to get you away from here. " Azuma looked around. "Dammit, where's Inoue when you need him?!"

"Azuma!" Azuma looked at Chitaru, surprised, and then her expression morphed into one of sadness.

"What's happened?" She asked, more quietly.

"That bus….it's a school bus." Azuma said.

"What." For a moment, everything seemed silent in Chitaru's mind as she tried to absorb what Azuma meant. A school bus. School. Bus. A. School. Bus. A school bus.

_No._

Chitaru turned, and tried to get a glance at the bus, pushing others to get through before Azuma managed to pull her back. But it didn't matter, for she had seen the lettering on the side of the bus.

_Kouga Elementary School. _

_Sachika. Mami. _

"Ugh, never mind. Namatame, we're going to the hospital now, okay? Inoue doesn't seem to be anywhere, so I'll take you instead. Is there someone you can call?"

"Suzu…Shuuto-san…." Chitaru said, feeling a little dazed.

"Do you know her number?" Chitaru rattled it off, and Azuma dialled it as they got into her car. Just before Azuma pressed 'dial', she turned to Chitaru.

"Nothing's been confirmed yet, Namatame. Nobody's died on the scene yet. "

Chitaru nodded, knowing that didn't mean anything.

**…**

"Suzu…-san?" Chitaru had been waiting with a group of other worried parents and relatives for so long that she was starting to get mixed up, thinking that she had to go home to be there for Sachika and Mami before remembering the reason for her being there. The agony was unbearable.

Suzu approached Chitaru, and took both of her hands in hers, the expression on her wise face incredibly sad. The identifications of the bodies had been done in groups at a time, and in the end, Chitaru had had to let Suzu do it for her. She wasn't sure she could face going in there. If she did, she was sure that all she'd see was the girls as they had been when she'd first seen them as abandoned babies in a trashed and blood-stained room. She just couldn't do it.

"They're there, Chitaru-Chan."

"B-both of them? Are you sure that both of them are there?" her voice shook, and she struggled to get it back under control.

"I am sure. I'm sorry; Chitaru-Chan. Sacchan and Macchan are dead."


	4. Bereavement Leave

_Inori Miyazono  
Koutarou Aonuma  
Saki Nakamura  
Kouichi Tanaka  
Shin Watanabe  
Natsuya Sagae  
Sachika Namatame  
Mami Namatame  
Eiri Miyazaki  
Atsushi Takahashi  
Keiko Takebuchi  
Akihito Kudo  
Jun Itsuki  
Aya Suzuki  
Mitsuru Satou_

The names of the dead children, arranged from youngest to oldest, swam around and around in Chitaru's head. There were still more, but they hadn't been named as their next of kin had yet to be informed. The two teacher chaperones had died as well, and as far as Chitaru knew, only the driver and three children had survived, although they weren't unscathed. Adding that to the other cars the irresponsible driver had crashed into, the whole affair was a tragedy.

And it was even more so because her daughters' names were on there. Suddenly, she was one of the people she counselled. But she couldn't exactly counsel herself, could she?

"If you need anything, do call me, okay?" Suzu had said when they had finally gone home the night before.

"I will." Chitaru had said. But she thought it might be better to go over and visit her personally. After all, Sachika and Mami had been like grand-daughters to her. Well, great-grand-daughters, but it was almost the same.

Now, she was putting off going into work, even though part of her wanted to go. With a sigh, she put away the newspaper, and then left the house.

Thankfully, she didn't bump into anyone when she arrived. Mayuri was back at the desk, but Chitaru didn't bother to attempt to be friendly to the girl. Part of her blamed Mayuri for what had happened, even though it was stupid for her to, and she didn't want to show that.

"Ah, Chitaru!"

"Chief?" Chitaru turned and looked at her cheerful superior. Who wasn't actually looking so cheerful.

"I was looking for you. I know you're an early starter, although I wasn't sure-anyway, anyway! We need to have a talk, Chitaru."

"Ok….in your office?"

"Yes, yes, this way!"

"I know where your office is." Chitaru said before she could control herself. Luckily, Kaiba didn't seem to hear.

"Okay, have a seat, Chitaru." She did, and then Kaiba sat at his desk.

"Now, how are you holding up? I didn't actually get the details until late last night, so I didn't know what had happened. I'm sorry for your loss."

"Thank you, Chief. I think I'm fine."

Kaiba tutted and wagged a finger at her.

"Now, now, Chitaru, do you know what the policy is when a staff member loses a member of their family?"

"Bereavement Leave, 2 months." As she said it, she started to understand what Kaiba was getting at. She did wish he'd get to the point though. His fondness for obscurity bordered on obsession.

"So, you shouldn't be here, Chitaru. The same does apply to you, even if you specialise in bereavement."

Chitaru tried to think of something to say. To be honest, hearing that came as a relief as well as a pain. But all that came out of her mouth was silence.

"Don't worry; we'll have Ritsu cover your appointments." Chitaru breathed a sigh of relief. Ritsu Yamane was a good psychologist, and all her clients had met them. At least that part of her life wouldn't be messed up.

"And, if you need it afterwards, you can take some extra months of paid leave. At present, you have…." Kaiba carried on wittering as he looked at his computer and typed in a few commands, then his eyes widened.

"Ooh, impressive, Chitaru. You have a year and a half of vacation days accumulated."

"I see. Thank you for telling me that." She sounded a little too stiff, but she wasn't sure she cared.

"Oh, and you know, you're not the only one on bereavement leave. Young Fuyuka's little brother was in the crash too."

"Fuyuka's?" she blinked. "Wait, what's her family name?"

"Sagae." Now she remembered. One of the other names had been 'Natsuya Sagae.'

"How much paid leave has she accumulated?"

"Now, I can't tell you that, but she does have less than you. She _is_ fairly new to the job."

"I know…." Chitaru thought. "Give her four months out of my leave." She decided. When Kaiba stared at her.

"She's going to need it, more than me. I have lots already."

"Ah, Chitaru. You're so kind, even at a time you should be utterly self-absorbed. Well, I will see what I can do!"

Normally, she could take Kaiba's ridiculousness, but today she found it grating, and she didn't want to snap, so she stood up quickly.

"I assume we're finished then. May I collect some paperwork before I go on leave?"

"Go on, go on!" Kaiba waved her out, and she had never been so glad to go.

**…**

She went to the fridge for the third time that hour and stared into it, not sure if she wanted to eat or not. In the end, she pulled out a left-over sandwich. She really should do some shopping-eating nothing but sandwiches for a week was one thing. The rest of the month, and even longer, was another. But of course, it would be a lonely experience.

She dumped the sandwiches on the plate after resolving to go to the shops the next day, and then went back to the living room to stare at yet another movie.

Then, her mobile phone rang. Without checking who it was, she answered the call.

"Namatame speaking."

"You have my number, don't you? Or have you forgotten who I am?"

Chitaru let out a short, sharp laugh.

"Inukai. Sorry, I didn't look at the screen."

"Humph. Anyway, we have some news. Azuma and I, that is. Can we come round?"

Chitaru sighed. "Might as well."

"Well, that's good to know." Inukai hung up, and Chitaru sighed again. She put down the phone, and started eating her sandwiches. She had finished three, and was about to start the fourth when Azuma and Inukai arrived.

"Namatame." Azuma said.

"Come in, come in. "she said, going through the motions of being a friendly host.

"You don't need to that." Azuma said, sharply. Then, her face softened. She wasn't the hugging type, but her expression was the equivalent of one. Inukai, however, gave her a critical look.

"When our investigation is over, I'm introducing you to the joys of retail therapy."

Chitaru rolled her eyes as they both sat down. She watched them, wondering what they had come to tell her.

"We've found the man responsible. " Azuma said.

"Huh?" It took her a moment to realise what she had said. "Wait, are you sure?"

"Yes. We actually got the man yesterday, but we spent the day cross-checking." Azuma explained.

"The guy's a slime bag; you'll be pleased to hear." Inukai said.

"Why would that be of any help?" Azuma snapped at Inukai, who just shrugged prettily. Chitaru just sat there, feeling like she was floating in space or some other isolated place. She didn't know how to feel.

"Hey, are you OK? You're spacing out." Inukai said. Chitaru blinked at her.

"I…I…erm…what's his name?"

"Moriaki Souta."

_Moriaki Souta. The man who took away the two most important things in my life._

Chitaru nodded.

"Also, the trial should be in a month's time, maybe a bit later." Inukai added.

"That's fast." The comment stopped her from brooding, although she knew she would do so later.

"Apparently, one of the children is from a really rich family-richer than mine- and that family pushed for this to happen. Said that the families deserved to be able to have the funeral as soon as possible." Inukai explained.

"I'm not sure why. The girl didn't die." Azuma said.

"But that's nice of them though." What an understatement. She hadn't even been able to think of a funeral. It was hard enough waking up to remember that Mami and Sachika were dead in the first place. But, she supposed the closure was needed. It was one of the things she always told her clients about. Closure.

"I suppose…." Azuma said, looking at Chitaru with concern. "Anyway, we won't bother you anymore for today. Sleep well. And follow your own advice."

"I'm trying." It was easier to say that than to explain the pointlessness of doing that.

"We'll walk ourselves out, Namatame." Inukai said. When they had, she went upstairs and went straight to bed with the name of her daughters' killer whirling around and around her head.

**…**

She found herself going into her daughters' bedroom that morning and pulling the curtains as normal. She only remembered her reality when she turned to tell them it was time to get up.

After a few moments of staring numbly at the empty beds, she walked downstairs and left the house, not bothering with breakfast or anything that would make her think or feel.

**…**

There was something familiar about the girl who was trying to decipher the bus routes diagram at the bus stop, but Chitaru couldn't figure out what it was. Instead, she conjured up a tired smile, and asked.

"Do you need help?"

The girl looked at her with a grateful expression as she fiddled nervously with a strand of pale mint-green hair.

"Are you familiar with QUEEN? The restaurant?" She asked. Chitaru thought, and then remembered that there was indeed a restaurant of that name, a few streets away from the courthouse she was now on her way to.

"It's Route 4. You get off at the fifth stop, not counting this one. I'm headed near there actually, but my destination's on a different route. There! That's your bus!"

The girl picked up her bag and ran to the bus.

"Thank you!" she called, before leaving. And despite everything, she found herself smiling, although she wasn't really sure why.

**…**

She met up with a few of the other parents on the courthouse steps, all of them working together to hide from (and maybe ward off) the journalists that were flocking. The anticipation mounted as they were scanned for security purposes and then led through, and then, finally, they were seated in the gallery.

_Moriaki Souta. You're not getting away with this. _

She was sure that the others around her were thinking the same thing. She just hoped that it would end up coming true.

**Not too much happened in this chapter, I know. Sorry. It will pick up, I promise!**


	5. Third Time's the Charm

**Here is where I point out I know nothing of court procedure. So, I know nothing of cour procedure, and so there will be many mistakes over the course of the next few chapters. **

Hitsugi Kirigaya had only just started using the courthouse steps as a destination to eat her lunch during her breaks when she saw the beautiful woman again. She had wondered if they'd meet again after that time a few weeks ago when she had helped her with the bus, and then that other time a couple of months before when they had collided into each other. But she didn't think it was possible, and had mostly put her out of her mind as she worked days and nights at the restaurant, and wandered around Myojo City to familiarise herself with the place. So it was almost like fate, after those other times. Except that those two times weren't so much meetings as they were coincidences.

Hitsugi wondered who that woman was, to be coming in and out of the courthouse so often. She wasn't always alone, for sometimes she was accompanied by a sweet looking old woman, and sometimes a group of crying women. And she herself looked sad, which was strange, because when they had collided into each other, she had seemed happy, and content.

_Maybe her world got shattered, much like yours. _

Maybe. It was possible. But she wouldn't know unless she got to know her, this beautiful woman who seemed so sad and yet radiated comfort. And she needed to get to know people if she was to really start living her own life. She needed good friends.

But first, she thought, as she got up and saw the beautiful woman return to the courthouse, she had to pull up the courage to go talk to her.

**…**

Chitaru didn't really understand why it was taking so long to come to some kind of verdict. Moriaki Souta was drunk, and high, and managed to plow through a school bus full of first graders in his bid to hide from the police. What was so complicated? Surely it was just a simple hit-and-run with added charges of drug possession and driving while intoxicated? Or something. She might have been in courts before, but there she was all about looking after the victims and/or their families. She had little understanding of legal processes beyond the few she needed to do her job right.

But that was of no real use now, since now she was the type of person she had always supported. And she didn't know how to adjust to that role. Like most of the parents, she carried a photograph of Sachika and Mami in the gallery of the courtroom, so that Moriaki Souta would realise that he had ruined actual lives. Sometimes, Suzu would accompany her so she wasn't alone. But she just found herself feeling uncomfortable in her skin.

_When will this be over? _She asked herself. And then, in the next breath, she wondered if she was talking about the trial, or the rest of her life. Because she knew the grief would never go away.

**…**

_Hmm? She's late today?_

Sure enough, the woman seemed to be only just arriving at the court when Hitsugi was eating her lunch. She was alone, but too far away for Hitsugi to ascertain her mood.

_Oh well. Maybe I'll be able to talk to her tomorrow._

Hitsugi hated feeling so shy, but she was sure she'd be over it soon. She continued to munch on her sandwich carefully when suddenly; the beautiful woman looked at her. And waved.

Hitsugi blinked for a moment before remembering herself and waving back. Afterwards, she couldn't stop smiling, even when her break ended and she was back at work.

**…**

"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST ADMIT IT?!"

Eiri Miyazaki's mother Aika had completely and utterly lost it, and was now standing up and screaming at Moriaki Souta (and his defence team). Her husband was trying to get her to calm down, while everyone else sat there, stunned.

"Can we have quiet in the courtroom, please?" The judge asked. Aika collapsed into loud sobs, but the other parents soon started joining in, and the entire thing turned to chaos. The only calm people there were Chitaru, Suzu, Fuyuka and her sister, Haruki. Fuyuka looked terrified.

Eventually, there was no other choice but to call a recess and they were all herded into a room to calm down.

"Look…" Chitaru said eventually "It's nearly over. From what I've heard, there'll be a verdict soon." There were no lawyers in the room, which meant she couldn't back her up. Luckily for her, Suzu talked to everyone in her typical old-lady way, so she was able to back her up.

"She is right." Suzu said. "It'll be over soon. We can't hold things up anymore. Not if you want closure."

The parents stared at her, and she felt herself go red. To cover it, she went over to Fuyuka and Haruki, who were standing to a side, almost forgotten. Chitaru felt for them. As siblings, they stood out in this group of parents and grandparents.

"Why are you so calm anyway? How can you be so calm in the presence of a monster?" Jun Itsuki's father asked.

"You haven't shed a single tear since this all started!" Kouichi Tanaka's mother accused.

_Oh, but I have. _In the privacy of her own home. She had shed enough tears to be able to make sure they didn't spill over in inappropriate places.

"I don't want the monster, as you call him, to see how he fe-"

"You think you're so prepared for all this, with your fancy Grief Counsellor job or whatever, don't you?" Kaede Ito's grandmother said bitterly.

"Now, now. " Suzu scolded. "If we all start fighting, won't that mean Souta's won?"

"He's won already!" Aika cried.

Chitaru shook her head.

"No, he hasn't. Not yet. "She wanted to believe that, and if getting the others to believe that would make things easier to bear, she'd do that. It was just this time it was a whole lot harder than the other times she'd had to do something like this.

"He _has_ won! Taking away our babies! Don't you _care_?!" Aika shrieked.

Chitaru was going to argue against that when Fuyuka beat her to it in a very uncharacteristic way.

"STOP IT! IF NATSUYA AND THE OTHERS COULD HEAR US THEY'D BE SO SCARED!" she screamed. HAVEN'T THEY BEEN SCARED ENOUGH?"

Everyone was stunned into silence as Fuyuka started crying again. Chitaru put her hands around the young receptionist, while Haruki ruffled her hair comfortingly. Chitaru could feel the weight of everyone staring at her, but avoided looking at them. The words thrown at her had been hurtful. She might not be a hysterical mess on the outside, but that didn't mean she wasn't in pain. After all, everyone had different ways of grieving.

"I think the girl's right." Saki Nakamura's father said eventually, looking incredibly tired. "Let's not fight anymore.

The other parents nodded. None of them offered an apology, but even though that stung, she found that it was understandable. For now, they still had a few more days of the trial to get through.

"Good, now that we've got that cleared up, do you think we can get back to business now?" Suzu asked pleasantly. Almost on cue, the door opened and one of the prosecution lawyers peered around.

"Are you ready to come back now?" he asked.

Jun Itsuki's father nodded, and spoke for them.

"We are. Let's get this over and done with."

**…**

_Well, what a day. _

Chitaru sighed. It had been an extremely long day in a string of long days. She found herself shuddering at the deep rooted resentment that the others had shown. And here she had thought they were all in this together. At least it was almost over, if her interpretations were correct. Most of the evidence, such as it was, had already been gone over. So it shouldn't take long. And there was no doubt that Moriaki Souta was a guilty man. Even if he was only sentenced based on the drink and drugs, that would be something. Not that the others would agree. It seemed as if they were out for blood.

She felt like discussing it with Suzu, but she had gone home early due to tiredness. Haruki and Fuyuka were too young, and they had gone in the opposite direction anyway.

_Ahh, they're right. This is all too much. Oh? Who's that? Oh, wait, it's the girl who I waved to this morning. The girl from the bus stop. _

"Hey. You having trouble figuring out the buses again?"

The girl's young face morphed from surprised to embarrassed to happy.

"No, it's the same one back. Thanks for helping me that time, anyway."

"Not a problem. Do you get lost often?"

"Well…I'm not that good with directions, but I've only been in Myojo City a few months. I moved from Aomori."

"Myojo's transport system _is_ a little special. But you get used to it. But I've been living here since I was a child."

"I see. Well, that's good to know. Wait, I didn't introduce myself the other times we met! I'm Hitsugi Kirigaya. Pleased to meet you!"

"Chitaru Namatame. Likewise." She couldn't help but notice how Hitsugi had stuttered over her surname, almost as if she hated it. She pushed the observation away for the time being.

"You said the other 'times' we met. I only remember the one. Forgive me for asking, but what was the other time?"

"You collided into me by accident, in the morning. It's OK though, really." Chitaru thought about it, and then remembered that the incident had happened the day before Sachika and Mami had died.

"Ah, I remember now."

They continued to chat as they got on the bus. Chitaru learnt that Hitsugi often ate lunch on the court steps, and had noticed that Chitaru came there often, and had wanted to talk to her but was too shy to. She also learnt that, at 36, Hitsugi was only five years younger than she was. Her explanation was 'stunted growth' that 'ran in the family', and that she'd come to Myojo to lead an independent life away from her family. Why, she didn't care to explain, but Chitaru didn't press as she knew family came in all shapes and sizes. In return, Chitaru explained about being brought up by her fencing teacher from the age of nine, her relationship with Suzu, and her job. She also made allusions to a recent loss, but didn't want to explain that it was her daughters that she had lost, not just yet. As nice as Hitsugi seemed, she was still essentially a stranger. And being a childless mother was a label she was uncomfortable with. Perhaps, when they were proper friends, she'd explain more.

_When?_

She blinked, and evaluated the thought. Yes, _when_ was fine. Why not? Why couldn't she make a new friend? There were no rules saying that being a bereaved mother forbade such things. So yes, _when_ they were proper friends, she would open up more.

**…**

They got off at the same bus-stop, as Hitsugi had some personal errands to run. They walked to the crossing at the end of the street together.

"So…" Hitsugi asked. "Does this mean we'll meet again?"

"Of course it will. I don't know when though."

"I know, you're at court all day. Maybe we could eat lunch together."

"On the court steps?"

"Yeah. If that's fine with you." Chitaru found the idea of eating lunch with this girl seemed like the best thing to ever happen to her, and so she agreed, and felt happy when Hitsugi face lit up. They exchanged phone numbers, and then parted ways.

"Bye, Chitaru-san. See you tomorrow."

"Likewise, Kirigaya."


	6. Verdict: Part 1

Chitaru looked at the sandwiches Hitsugi had brought with her for lunch. They looked ready made and somewhat lifeless when put next to her chicken wraps.

"Want to swap?"

"Oh, are you sure?"

"That doesn't look appetising." Chitaru said mildly.

"Well…I'm used to it, really. I'm working all day so I can find a better apartment. I don't really have time to make anything…"

"Here, take some of this." Chitaru broke off a bit of roll and gave it to Hitsugi, who smiled.

"Thank you!" in return, Hitsugi dug through her bag until she found a chocolate bar, and insisted on giving it to Chitaru.

They talked for a little while more until it was time for Hitsugi to return to work. She re-tied her hair into a ponytail and rushed off, and for no particular reason, Chitaru watched until she could no longer see her before going back into the courthouse.

**…**

One day, Chitaru turned up at court to find that Azuma's daughter Haru was waiting for her, accompanied by her blond friend.

"Tokaku-san said you've been on your own all these days, so Nio and I came to accompany you."

"Don't you have school?"

"Teacher training!" Haru explained, cheerfully.

"Well…I haven't been completely by myself. Suzu-san comes, sometimes. And there's Fuyuka, we support each other." _And there's someone else to add to that list. Potentially._

"You're not allowed to argue! Tokaku-san said!" Haru looked stubborn as she linked arms with Chitaru.

"Okay then. I suppose I can't argue with that." And she couldn't. Although it was in a way different to that with her daughters, she had seen Haru grow up, and indeed been part of that growing up. So she ended up nodding.

"So yeah, I guess you could come. "

"I KNEW you were going to say that!" Haru said, cheerfully. Then, she went serious.

"Hopefully it will be over soon. Then there's one less thing for you to be sad about."

_I don't think so. I still think I'll feel empty even after this is over. _But, of course, she didn't say that. Haru was only trying to be kind, after all. So she smiled, and then they went in.

**…**

There was also the small matter of making funeral arrangements for when the trial finally ended. Although there was still some unrest between her and the other parents, they had decided on a joint service. And that was when they met the rich woman who had put pressure on all the authorities so the trial didn't end up being a whole year later. Her name was Rikako Hanabusa, and she was married to Satoru Hanabusa, who was a big thing in the business world. She was nice to them, and very supportive, but she didn't reveal much. About all Chitaru knew about Hanabusa's motives was that her little girl had been one of the few survivors of the crash. She longed to find out more, but kept quiet out of respect. It didn't stop the other parents from bitterly gossiping about her, but Chitaru found she didn't really care now.

Because there was still normal life to get on with. Her house wouldn't clean itself. Her fridge wouldn't fill itself. She still had bills to pay, and she still needed to visit Suzu. So she did it. It was just not the same anymore. The little things about her normal life that she had taken for granted were now insurmountable tasks. Which was a normal reaction, and she knew it.

It didn't make things any less horrible though.

**…**

As the day of the verdict grew closer, Chitaru found herself unable to sleep. Sometimes, she would fix herself a snack. Other nights, she would watch recorded movies on her TV without taking anything in, or stare at the pages of a book as if she was actually reading. All too often, she found herself pulling out the photo albums and looking at all the pictures she had of Mami and Sachika-from when they were babies to the more recent pictures. Their seventh birthday was approaching, and she found herself thinking of all the snapshots that would never be. The memories that would never be made.

So, after one of these nights when she was brooding too much about their birthday, she decided to call Hitsugi.

"Chitaru-san, h-Oh, wow, it's late? Is something wrong? Are you OK?"

"I'm fine, Kirigaya. Really. I've probably woken you up."

"No, no, it doesn't matter. Something is wrong, isn't it? You've always looked sad, and now you sound even sadder."

"Do I? Have I?" Chitaru sighed. "Well…that's….I" she trailed off.

"I know you told me you lost someone. But if something else has happened…"

"Actually, I didn't tell you everything. As in, I didn't tell you _who_ I am grieving for."

"Really? I didn't notice." That made Chitaru chuckle bitterly.

"Kirigaya."

"Okay, okay, maybe I did notice. But I figured you'd tell me in your own time. "

_How trusting. You're so hopeful, Kirigaya, and so bright. I like that. _

"My daughters. " Chitaru blurted out, regretting it. Luckily, Hitsugi clocked.

"Oh my gosh, that's horrible. How old were they?"

"They would have turned seven next Thursday."

"Twins?"

"Yes."

"Oh, Chitaru-san…" she could practically feel the sympathy through her mobile phone.

"Their names were Sachika and Mami."

"What happened to them?" Hitsugi asked, softly.

"Bus accident. They were coming back from a school trip and this drunk-"

"Oh my gosh, that's the trial you've been attending, isn't it? The big case that's in the news?"

"One and the same."

"Oh wow. That's awful. I can't even imagine….I don't know what to say….and I was going about things as normal and not even realising…"

"You weren't to know, Kirigaya. It's OK."

"But all these weeks…."

"I like your company." And it was true. She did like her company. A lot.

"I-I-thank you." Chitaru could imagine Hitsugi blushing, and that brought a smile to her face, if only for a moment.

"Anyway, "Chitaru continued. "I won't keep you up any longer."

"Hehe, it's OK. Anyway, see you tomorrow."

Chitaru liked how she didn't turn the statement into a question. "Yeah. Goodnight."

"Goodnight."

After Chitaru put down her mobile, she found herself feeling sleepy. So she gathered up the albums and went to her bedroom. She fell asleep soon after, and for the first time in a while-she stayed that way the entire night.

**…**

"Do you think you're ready for this?" Suzu asked Chitaru as they headed down the corridor to the courtroom. The day of the verdict had come, at last, and everyone was eagerly awaiting all hoped that Moriaki Souta would be proven guilty.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

Suzu smiled, sadly as they filed into the gallery. Chitaru exchanged looks with the other parents, and made sure that she was sitting with Fuyuka, who was on her own.

"Onee-san couldn't miss work anymore. She's kinda pissed that she had to miss this."

"Well, you'll be able to tell her about it, won't you?"

"Hmm…I guess..."

The closing statements passed by in a blur. Chitaru didn't even bother to try and understand them. She just wanted Moriaki Souta to be found guilty.

"Jury, have you come to a verdict?"

"We have."

_At last._

The courtroom went silent, even more silent that before, if such a thing was possible. Chitaru was sure that she was not the only one who leaned forward in her seat, looking at the juror who was speaking.

"We have voted –"

**Yes, I split this chapter in half purely to have a cliffhanger. My only defence is boredom. Also, I drew a picture of Sachika and Mami, and posted a photograph of it on my Tumblr. If you want to see it, there's a link to my Tumblr on my profile.**


	7. Verdict: Part 2

"We have voted…Guilty."

There was a moment where the words sunk in. Then, the courtroom erupted. Crying, laughter, chatter and the sounds of cameras flashing. All of it filled the courtroom with sound.

_At last._

Gesturing to Suzu and Fuyuka, she made her way to the back entrance. She didn't particularly want to be ambushed by news-hungry journalists. Things were over. She didn't see any need to rehash it all in a newspaper. So she made sure to evade as many people as possible so that she could get out safely.

"Chitaru-Chan….you have to slow down a bit. I am getting old, you know." Suzu said when they finally stopped.

"I'm sorry." Chitaru apologised.

"But, Shuuto-san, you don't look that old." Fuyuka said, loyally, causing Suzu to chuckle.

"Why thank you, Sagae-Chan. But trust me, I am. Now, I think I need to go back home for a nap."

"We'll go, then. Fuyuka, do you need to be driven back?"

"No, no. I think I might go over to Onee-Chan."

"Very well then."

After a few more words of farewell, they parted. Chitaru drove Suzu back to her house, and then went home.

**…**

Hitsugi was surprised to come out of work that evening to find Chitaru-san outside waiting for her. She had gone elsewhere for lunch as Chitaru had messaged her to say that she wouldn't be there, and so she had simply assumed that Chitaru had gone home to rest.

"Oh. Hi."

_Way to go, Hitsugi! Couldn't you think of something else to say?_

Chitaru didn't seem to care though. She offered up a watery smile, and said hi back. Then, she hesitated, as if she had something to say.

"He was sentenced today. 12 years, minimum." She said, eventually. Hitsugi blinked, and it took her a moment to realise what she was talking about.

"Oh. That's what you wanted, isn't it?"

"Something like that." _She seems really confused. And sad. But isn't that to be expected?_

On an impulse, Hitsugi reached out and hugged Chitaru. After a long, long moment, Chitaru's arms came up around her, completing the hug.

_It feels warm. _

After what seemed like forever, they let go of each other. Suddenly feeling embarrassed, Hitsugi concentrated on freeing her hair of the ponytail she hated so much.

"So.." she said when she put her hairband away "Do you want to do something?"

"Maybe…maybe a walk?"

"I don't mind."

It was a nice evening to be going for a walk. Clear skies, not too cold. There was a half-moon out, as well. Just little things, but they were nice, none the less. And Hitsugi had never really appreciated these things before. Maybe it was because she was with someone she-

_Woah, wait what? What, what, WHAT? I think I need to breathe. _

She felt herself go red, and she had to breathe in and out a few times to make herself calm down. Luckily, Chitaru didn't comment on it. Indeed, she didn't say anything, at all. Not that Hitsugi really minded. It was nice. And, in a way, the silence made her feel closer to Chitaru.

They walked until it was late, parting only when Chitaru started yawning. Chitaru offered to walk Hitsugi to her home, but she had refused. She didn't really want Chitaru to see where she was living-it was a bad area, and in any case it was only temporary. But it still made her feel a little guilty. She had too many secrets, all of them unshared. But she intended on changing that.

Because she was starting to fall for Chitaru Namatame.

**…**

It took Chitaru a moment to remember why she was feeling so heavy when she woke up that morning. Even though she had come home late from walking with Hitsugi, she had still woken up at the time she would on any other morning.

And then it came to her. It was Mami and Sachika's seventh birthday. And they weren't there to celebrate.

She got up, and went to brush her teeth. Then, she went straight downstairs, remembering what it had been like the morning of their previous birthday.

"_Mama, mama, can we go downstairs before changing? Please, please, please?" Sachika jumped up and down on the spot as she pleaded, while Mami backed her up silently and sleepily. _

"_Okay then. You can open one present each. Just one." Chitaru said, giving in as she knew she would. "You still have school today."_

"_Okay, Mama!" The girls sped down the stairs, and Chitaru followed them as they raced into the dining room._

"_Wow, that's lots of pressies! Sachika, which one are you opening?" Mami said, a lot more awake. Chitaru smiled. She hadn't really bought all that much, but each and every year, the girls acted as if she had bought out the entire shop. _

""_Hmmmm…..this one!" _

"_I'm picking this one, then!"_

_There was a moment of silence as the girls ripped the paper open. _

"_Ooh, it's that dress I saw at the shop!" Mami had finished unwrapping hers, and held it up. "Mama, can I wear it to school today?"_

"_It's too nice, don't you think? Why not save it for the party?"_

"_Hmmmm….." Mami clearly didn't agree. _

"_Oh wow, Mama, no way! It's so cute!" Sachika dangled the key-ring in front of her face, scrutinising it closely. _

"_I'm glad you like it. Now, if you get ready quickly, you can open the rest of the presents. And after school, Suzu-san has some things to give you."_

"_Thank you, Mama!" both girls giggled as they went to hug her, and then they rushed upstairs. Chitaru chuckled as she gathered the wrapping paper to throw away. She had a feeling Mami was going to wear her new dress to school anyway. _

Now, it was silent. Out of habit, Chitaru had put the presents she had bought well in advance on the table the day before. Now, she was the one who sat down and unwrapped them, but with no joy, because she knew what they were.

When she had finished, she regarded the spread of girly things on the table. She picked up the mini-kimono she had bought for Sachika, who couldn't stand long skirts.

_You could have worn this to this year's summer festival. _

Then, she examined the craft kit she had found for Mami.

_You could have made so many decorations, and you would have spent days trying to find the perfect places to put them. _

Chitaru sighed, and went about throwing away the wrapping paper and gathering up the presents to take upstairs. After much deliberation with herself, she decided to keep the things in the girls' room. It seemed only right. But she ended up keeping the mini-kimono. It would be the perfect thing to bury Sachika in. And after much rootling around, she found Mami's summer festival outfit, and decided that that's what Mami would be buried in.

_Fun times, huh? Deciding what outfits your children should wear at their own funerals. I need to forget life, for a moment. Just for a moment. _

And so, after changing, she set out to surprise Hitsugi at her workplace, the same way she had done the day before. She didn't know why, but going to see the girl (for that was how she continued to see her) felt completely natural. As if she were a second home, or something.

It was weird. But that didn't stop her from doing it.

**…**

The day of the funeral came so fast that it felt as if it had assaulted her. Her suit felt odd, as if it didn't fit, although factually, she knew it did. And when she looked in the mirror, she didn't recognise herself.

_I am a mother going to her daughters' funeral. _

She thought this over, and over, and over, trying to reconcile it. Even now, it didn't make a whole lot of sense to her. It felt almost as if it shouldn't be real. As if this was a nightmare.

But it was real. And now, she had to face it again.


	8. Funeral Blues

She was present at her daughters' funeral in body only. In her head, she was revisiting the other major funerals in her life.

_Chitaru was six years old and peering around the legs of the social worker who was looking after her, looking wide-eyed at the crying adults, not sure what's going on. Not sure why her mother and father are in boxes. People try to look at her, catch her eye, but she's never seen so many adults and so instead she ducks her head and continues to hide, her messy red hair doing a good job of tumbling into her eyes and obscuring her face. _

_Then, at sixteen, prim and proper in her high-school uniform, trying not to cry and failing as they mourn the loss of her bright and cheerful foster sister. She was taken too soon from them at the tender age of twenty-two, and Chitaru makes sure to not let go of her foster mother's hand. She doesn't want her to think that she'll be lost too._

_And when she herself turns twenty-two, she stands alone, again, bidding farewell to her foster mother, also taken by cancer. Like mother, like daughter. _

Now she is here, in the present day, a mother herself. But not anymore. Now, now she understands why disease took her foster mother so easily, even if it did take six years. Maybe, it will be the same for her. Maybe, six years from now, she would get knocked down in the middle of the street. She didn't think that there'd be anything wrong in that.

_No._

Unbidden, Hitsugi's face appeared in her mind, as if warding her away from such thoughts.

_Wait, what am I doing?!_

She sat up straight and tried to chase the thoughts from her mind. She took a discrete glance at the people she cared for, who were with her. Suzu. Azuma. Haru. Inukai. Inoue. Mika. Ryou. And then she found herself circling back to Hitsugi. She didn't know why. And trying to resist just made it worse.

So she gave in to it.

**…**

She only realised how many people had attended the funeral once they were at the wake, and she could barely see the walls of the reception room.

_All these people. For Sachika and Mami._

Well, not really. She knew that. It was a joint funeral, after all. But at the same time, it wasn't as if she was wrong. They were all there, for each other. Even if she was never really going to be able to get along with the other parents again.

She thought about this as she went up to the food table and looked for something to eat.

"Yo."

"Inukai, hello."

"You holding up okay?"

"I suppose so." Chitaru shrugged to convey that she wasn't sure what else to say.

"Good. " Inukai filled her plate and went away. Chitaru supressed a smile. She was glad that Inukai still felt able to be her normal self around her.

After picking some snacks out, she found a place to sit. She felt like she wanted to leave, but she knew it wasn't good form to leave before the so-called 'guests'. Even after the funerals she'd attended before, she didn't know what to call the attenders. _Guests_. What an understatement.

She ended up making small talk with some of these 'guests' as she made her way to an empty chair. Not all the interactions were awkward. Even after the other times, she still felt as if a room full of grief and resentment was something novel. Something she'd never understand. Eventually, she sat down, and chewed on her snacks absentmindedly.

"Erm…." Chitaru looked up at the thin voice, before realising that the speaker was a child. She looked down to see a pair of wide ice-blue eyes stare at her. Blinking, she made herself focus on the whole child.

"Erm, if you don't mind me asking, whose mummy are you?" the child, a girl, asked. She stared up bravely, and Chitaru noticed she was using crutches for balance. Instantly, she realised the little girl must have been a survivor of the bus accident.

_No, wait._

Chitaru noticed how pale she was, and how she looked incredibly tired-fatigued, almost. And there was something…off about the little girl's limbs, partially concealed by the long sleeves and skirt of her dress. She couldn't figure out what it was, though. So she decided to answer the question that the child had asked, and perhaps get around to asking some questions of her own later.

"Sachika and Mami Namatame. Did you know them?"

The little girl nodded.

"They were nice to me, even though I'm a new girl, and I can't run or play games like them."

Chitaru was about to ask what she meant, when an adult's calling distracted them both.

"Sumireko! Where did you go?"

"Here, Mummy!" Sumireko hobbled over to-

_Wait, Rikako Hanabusa? _

She watched Hanabusa as she picked up her little girl.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes, Mummy. I was talking to the nice lady. She's Mami-san and Sachika-san's mummy."

"Is that so?"

"Hmmm." Sumireko yawned, and a few seconds later fell asleep in Hanabusa's arms.

"Is she okay? It must be hard…losing all her friends." Chitaru said sympathetically. Hanabusa's eyes flashed in anger. Repressed anger.

"It's not just that. It's as if everyone begrudges the fact that she survived when barely anyone else didn't!" Rikako's face became bitter as she continued. "As if they know _anything_ about her, about how she's had to fight to live! About how she spent more of her life inside the hospital than outside."

Chitaru noticed how even with her obvious rage, Hanabusa was quiet, as if not wanting to wake up her little girl. She also seemed as if her unhappiness at her daughter's situation was something she had not really been able to talk about before, and now, a switch had been flipped.

"She's….sick?" Chitaru stood up. In response. Hanabusa tapped gently at one of Sumireko's arms.

"Well, yes. Not just that. She lost her arms, and one of her legs at a young age. She's been using prosthetics most of her life." Things started to fall into place for Chitaru, and she started to understand why Rikako Hanabusa had put so much into helping the grieving parents of the Uchida Street accident. The revelation filled her with sorrow.

"In which case, she's a very brave little girl. "

Hanabusa blinked. The bitterness faded away.

"Is that sincere?"

"Of course. She's lucky. And so are you. I wish I had been that lucky…but…yes, Sumireko's beautiful. I…I'm glad that not everyo-"Chitaru suddenly felt short of breath, and teary, and had to catch herself.

"I'm sorry, I have to go!"

And, not caring what anyone thought, she ran, and didn't stop.

**…**

As she blinked sleep from her eyes, it took her a moment to figure out where she was. When she stretched, and her arm hit the side of the bed, she realised that she was in Sachika and Mami's bedroom, sitting on the floor, leaning against Mami's bed. She was still in the suit she had worn to the funeral.

Her limbs ached as she stood up and tried to remember how long she had been asleep. All she could remember was talking to Rikako Hanabusa, and looking at her little girl, and thinking how special that little girl must be to have to have fought for her life so many times for no other reason than being born a bit weaker than other children.

_I wonder how well she knew my girls? It sounds as if they were friends. More to the point, what did I do? Did I get drunk?_

She thought about it. She could smell no alcohol on herself, and she didn't feel hung-over.

_But I might as well have been! _She thought as she caught sight of the clock and realised that she had slept for the rest of the day. Sighing, she went to the bathroom and cleaned up, before going back to her bedroom to change into something more comfortable.

She had finished changing, and was trying to decide if she was hungry or not when the doorbell rang.

"Coming!" she called out, tiredly as she went down the stairs and opened the door.

"Oh. Suzu-san." Pieces of memory fell in to place. "I was supposed to drive you back yesterday. I'm so, so sorry!"

"Ahh, don't you worry yourself over that, Chitaru-Chan. Your Lieutenant gave me a lift back. Besides you're unhappy enough as it is. So I made soup!"

Suzu held up a covered bowl, and Chitaru sighed as memories of all the other times Suzu had made her trademark soup washed over her.

"Thank you, Suzu-san. Come in."

Chitaru took the soup bowl from Suzu and put it on her kitchen table before joining Suzu in the living room.

"Did you end up staying long?"

"No, no. I left soon after you, actually."

"Oh." Chitaru felt herself go red with shame.

"Chitaru-Chan." Suzu reached over and enveloped Chitaru's young hands with her own, much older ones. She didn't say anything else. She didn't need to. For a long moment, they shared a comfortable silence. Then, Suzu spoke.

"I feel like you might have made a friend at some point recently."

Instantly, Chitaru pictured Hitsugi, and went red for completely different reasons. When they had first met, she hadn't anticipated just how close they'd be. Hitsugi was special, for sure. And having a friend was one thing, but a special friend…she just didn't know.

"I suppose I have…how did you even know?"

"Old ladies know everything, didn't you realise?" Chitaru stared at Suzu for a moment before they both chuckled.

"You're right…but…." Chitaru trailed off, becoming serious again. Suzu gave her a wise look.

"You're allowed to be happy, you know. You can be happy about having a friend while being sad about not having Sacchan and Macchan. It doesn't lessen either of those feelings."

Chitaru looked down, not wanting to cry, or reveal the tumultuous storm of feelings.. But Suzu seemed to realise that Chitaru was all over the place.

"It's true, you know. And it's remains true, no matter what your friendship with this person is like. "

Chitaru looked up, questioning Suzu silently. Suzu chuckled again, this time sorrowfully.

"Ah, Chitaru-Chan. I'm not poking for information. Well, not completely. But I know that once you've figured things out a little yourself, you'll come to me. You're not the defensive type. Just the type who waits to figure out what it is they're feeling themselves before telling anyone else. "

Feeling as if Suzu knew something she didn't, Chitaru found herself resorting to an Azuma-ism.

"I _know_ that."

Suzu flashed a grin that was surprisingly youthful.

"I _know_ you know that." She winked, and once again, Chitaru couldn't help but laugh.

"Do you want breakfast or something, Suzu-san? I haven't had mine yet?"

"You know what, I think I will."


	9. Call Me Hitsugi

"You look happy, Kirigaya."

Hitsugi smiled at her co-worker as she went past him to put down some dirty plates.

"I _am_, Mitsuyama-kun. "

"Ehhh, is that so? Why is that, may I ask?"

"Well. " Hitsugi went pink. "You can _ask_. I might not tell you."

"Auuu." Hitsugi laughed at Mitsuyama and disappeared into the kitchen. When she came back out, she joined Mitsuyama and one of their other co-workers, Yukiko.

"Kiri, Mitsu's been nagging me." Yukiko complained.

"For all of five minutes?"

"_Yes_. Put us out of our misery, please!"

Hitsugi shook her head and grinned.

"Fine. A friend's coming here after I end. She wants to have dinner here." That was the simple explanation. In reality, she hadn't seen or heard from Chitaru for almost two weeks. The last contact she'd made with her was a text to explain she wasn't well. So, when Chitaru had phoned her that morning and asked if it was okay to meet her at QUEEN, Hitsugi was very, very happy.

"You end soon, don't you?" Yukiko checked the time. "Two hours and a bit. Close enough."

"Aaaand it's quiet. Let's hope it stays that way." Mitsuyama grinned conspiratorially. Hitsugi smiled back, before Hitsugi caught sight of a new customer and went to serve them.

The two hours went by quickly, and before she knew it, Chitaru appeared in the doorway.

"Chitaru-san!" she called across the (thankfully) almost empty restaurant. Chitaru turned, surprised, and then smiled as she found a table.

"Damn, girl." Mitsuyama whispered conspiratorially. "If I swung that way…."

"Idiot." Hitsugi rolled her eyes at Mitsuyama, although she was smiling, too.

"Hey, Chitaru-san." She said, once she had reached her.

"Hello, Kirigaya." Chitaru greeted her politely.

"Yo, Kirigaya, hand over the name badge and apron." Mitsuyama had followed her, and Hitsugi jumped.

"Huh, what?"

"You're technically off shift, so sit yourself down."

"Well…if you're sure." Hitsugi took her apron off, and then her name badge, before giving them to Mitsuyama. Then, she undid her ponytail and shook her head free.

"Now, that's better. " He turned to Chitaru. "You can call me Tooru, and I'll be your waiter for tonight. If you give me a moment to put this away, I'll get your menus as soon as possible."

"Thank you."

They waited for Mitsuyama to go before deciding what to talk about.

"Tooru seems friendly." Chitaru observed.

"Yeah, I guess so. He's just the overly cheerful type. Friendly to everyone."

"That must make things easier."

"Well, most of the people on my shift are 's Yukiko-san and Kayano-san. The chefs are cool too…although Yamamoto-kun is a bit like a grumpy grizzly bear or something. "

Chitaru laughed.

"That sounds like my friend, Azuma. She's the lieutenant where I work. She's super-stoic, and seems boring, but she's actually loyal, fiercely so."

"Haha, no, Yamamoto-kun's just grizzly."

"Is it hard?"

"Well…it takes getting used to."

"Most things do." Chitaru seemed pensive, before seeming to visibly shake the feeling off.

"Yeah, I suppose so."

They fell silent as Mitsuyama came back.

"Ohh, what's this, were you talking about me?" he teased.

"Only a little!" Hitsugi protested, giggling.

"Only good things." Chitaru said.

Mitsuyama mock pouted. "Well, I'd hope so. Here are your menus."

"Can we order now?"

"Go for it."

With Hitsugi's knowledge, it didn't take long for them to find something to eat, and for Mitsuyama to depart with promises of bringing the food quickly. They chatted about light and trivial things until the food arrived, and then they fell silent, too busy tucking in.

"Do you want to try some?" Chitaru asked suddenly, holding out a forkful of her omurice.

"Sure. Hey, let's swap." Hitsugi carefully cut a bit of her pie, and they swapped.

"Ooo, this is good, Chitaru-san! You chose well!" Hitsugi said, surprising herself.

"And I thought _you_ worked here!" Chitaru teased. Hitsugi blinked, and then laughed, causing Chitaru to chuckle as well.

They were both giggling uncontrollably when Mitsuyama came to ask if they wanted dessert, but they both decided to anyway. And again, they shared.

They had a bit of an argument when deciding who would pay the bill at the end, but eventually, they decided to split it evenly, and they were back to laughing again.

"Ah, that was fun. I needed that." Chitaru said as she put on her coat. Hitsugi looked at her, confused, and Mitsuyama, who had overheard, also seemed confused. But then, she clocked what Chitaru meant and just smiled at her. She then turned to Mitsuyama and pulled a face, before waving to Yukiko and leaving.

"I didn't realise how late it was." Hitsugi said, looking up at the night sky that stretched over them.

"Are you tired?" Chitaru asked, concerned.

Hitsugi pretended to think, and then grinned.

"Nah!" Chitaru laughed.

"You're funny, you know, Kirigaya."

"Anything to help."

Chitaru smiled again, but this time it looked sorrowful.

"I like this…" she said. "You know, being like this. Then I have a chance to, well, not _forget,_ exactly, but I don't have to remember. What my life is now, I mean."

"Chitaru-san…" Hitsugi could feel the presence of two little girls, even though she had never met them, or even seen them. It was a heavy presence.

"Oh, no, no. I didn't mean it like that! I like your company. That's what I'm trying to say."

"It's okay, I know." Hitsugi tried to get rid of the heaviness. After all, she had her own ghosts weighing her down. One of someone she didn't even know, or remember. She couldn't really complain.

Besides, even if she did, Chitaru was completely and utterly worth it.

They walked slowly, and leisurely, as if they had all the time in the world. They didn't say much for a while, just commenting on the sky and shop displays.

"Kirigaya, do you want to come around tomorrow?" Chitaru asked suddenly, after they had admired a dress in a shop window.

"Huh?"

"To mine."

"But….I don't even know where you live." Hitsugi reminded her, blinking at the sudden topic change.

"Oh, right." Chitaru turned her face away, although Hitsugi could clearly see that she was going pink. Then, she turned back to face her.

"I can pick you up. Not really a problem."

"Hmmm…..okay." they arrived at the road where they would part ways, and they stopped walking. Hitsugi grinned up at Chitaru.

"Just, one thing."

Chitaru tilted her head questioningly.

"What is that one thing?"

"Call me by my name."

Chitaru regarded her for a moment, as if turning the name over and over in her head. Then she nodded with a sense of finality.

"Okay then. In that case, see you tomorrow…Hitsugi."


	10. Suprising, Continually so

"Oh, you didn't come inside today."

Chitaru shrugged as she made a mental note of the page she was on and closed her book.

"I didn't feel like it. Anyway, how was work today, Hitsugi?" Chitaru made an effort to use her name, even though the request had taken her by surprise the day before.

Now it was Hitsugi's turn to shrug, which was a spectacular feat given that she was untying her hair at the same time while they walked.

"It wasn't anything special. Although Mitsuyama-kun spent a good half hour asking me about you. I didn't reveal much, because he's just a nosy bastard, but he means well, you know. I just said that we'd met by accident, and that you were such a geek that you'd accumulated a whole year of paid leave, and now you were taking it."

"That's fine. I don't really mind." Chitaru knew what Hitsugi was getting at in pointing out that she hadn't said much, but she decided not to acknowledge it much. But she was grateful for the thought.

"I haven't actually planned any meals or anything like that. I hope you like the idea of raiding my cupboards and fridge and seeing what happens?"

"That actually sounds like fun? Do you do that often?"

"Well…not often, exactly, but sometimes after a long day, when Sachika and Mami had after school clubs and I'd had to stay longer at work, we'd do that. And my friend Inukai is notorious for not being able to plan meals."

"Cool! I want to do it. "

"Then, we will. I was thinking your standards might be high from spending all your time in QUEEN."

"Haha, that's funny, Chitaru-san. I'm only a waitress."

"Oh, is that so?" Chitaru teased. "I'd forgotten."

"Silly!" Hitsugi giggled, a pleasing sound.

"Oh, we're here."

"Oh my…wow!" Hitsugi looked wide-eyed at the front of Chitaru's house. "It's so big! You must be _so_ rich!"

"Actually, it's inherited." Chitaru explained as she took out her keys and opened the door. They slipped off their shoes, and went into the living room. Hitsugi was utterly entranced, and Chitaru allowed her a moment to gather herself. She remembered being pretty star struck herself, the first time she'd come to this house as a nine year old. When Azuma and Inukai had first come around they too had been stunned. So it wasn't new to her.

Eventually, Hitsugi started to pay attention to the photographs on the wall.

"Oh, is this you as a little girl?"

"Yes. I was in fifth grade."

"Wow. You were so adorable. Not that you aren't now." Hitsugi said, making Chitaru laugh. She oohed and aahed over the other photographs. Then, she reached a picture of Sachika and Mami.

"Your girls." It wasn't a question, but all the same Chitaru nodded her confirmation.

"They're pretty. And wow, they must have been tall for their age."

"Than-wait, what?" Chitaru was confused. She hadn't expected such a…mundane observation.

"They seem tall. They're what, five in that photo? I was _so _small as a five year old…"

"They're-I mean, they were- one of the shorter members of the class, actually."

"Oh, is that so? It must just be because I'm a midget, ha-ha." Hitsugi turned to smile at Chitaru. "Which is strange, because they look like you."

_What?_

"Hitsugi…they're adopted. I adopted them as babies."

Hitsugi just stared her blankly.

"Really?" She eventually said, incredulous, indicating that she genuinely thought that Mami and Sachika had looked like Chitaru.

"Yep."

"Wow….That doesn't even make sense…" almost on cue, Hitsugi's stomach rumbled. She looked down, surprised, and then looked back up at Chitaru.

"Well…what do you say to raiding the cupboards now?"

"I'd like that very much, Chitaru-san."

They left the living room and went into the kitchen to start raiding the cupboards, but Chitaru couldn't stop turning over Hitsugi's words in her mind. She had never been told that Sachika and Mami had looked like her before. She didn't know how she felt about it.

**…**

"I can help wash up." Hitsugi said after they had finished eating something that was tasty, if unidentifiable.

"No, you don't have to. You're a guest." Chitaru said.

"I want to, Chitaru-san." Hitsugi insisted, getting up to help. Chitaru started to protest, but then gave up, shrugging her shoulders.

They didn't say anything else as Chitaru washed up and Hitsugi dried the dishes they had used, but it was a comfortable sort of silence.

_Is this what having a proper family is like? _Hitsugi wondered, thinking of her own, broken _thing_ that was supposedly a family. Something she no longer had anything to do with, and rightfully so.

"What do you say to watching a movie?" Chitaru asked, jolting Hitsugi out of her reverie.

"Anything in mind?"

Chitaru shrugged with one shoulder.

"I was thinking we could just see whatever's on TV. Unless you want to browse through my DVD collection?"

"You have a DVD collection?"

"Yes. Unfortunately, most of them are children's movies."

"OOOOH! Do you have _The Lego Movie_?" She just _had_ to know, no matter how silly she sounded for it.

"Yes…" Chitaru seemed bemused. "Are you sure that's what you want to watch?"

"Oh, yes please."

Chitaru chuckled at that.

"Well then. Sachika and Mami would have liked you. "

"That's good to know." Hitsugi said, meaning it.

"Okay…let's go watch it then."

"Yay!" Hitsugi said, making Chitaru laugh again.

_I want to keep hearing the sound of that laughter. Forever and ever. _

**…**

Chitaru woke up and with a jolt of surprise, realised she was on the sofa.

_I really need to stop sleeping in odd places._

She noticed that her TV was still on, and pieced together the events of the evening before. Watching The Lego Movie with Hitsugi, who had laughed the entire way through, although she managed to stop to joke with Chitaru about various points of the film, and Chitaru thought through all these jokes as she picked up the remote to turn the TV off.

_Hold on a moment, Hitsugi?_

Chitaru turned slightly, and sure enough, Hitsugi was still sitting next to her, also asleep, and almost leaning on her. She smiled at the sight. She got up carefully so as to not disturb her, and looked for the blanket she had kept in the living room for whenever Mami and Sachika had stayed up late on occasions such as New Year's Eve. Once she found it, she draped it over Hitsugi's sleeping form, and then went to cook breakfast.

Sure enough, half an hour later, Hitsugi wandered into the kitchen, lured by the smell of food.

"Did I fall asleep?" Hitsugi said, rubbing her eyes and looking confused.

"Yes, but don't worry, I did too."

"Oh." For some reason, Hitsugi went a bit red at that. But then, her normal colour returned, and she sat at the kitchen table.

"I'm sorry, for taking up your time." She said, sounding a little bleary.

"No need to apologise. It's not as if I have a packed itinerary. Anyway, what about you? Don't you have work?"

"Er…" Hitsugi yawned, and looked around. "What's the time?"

Chitaru pointed at the clock briefly, before concentrating on her food.

"Oh. Okay. It's fine, I only have to be there for eleven. Plenty of time to go home and change. Maybe have a shower."

"In which case, you can stay and have breakfast." Chitaru put down a plate of fried eggs and bacon in front of Hitsugi. Then, she filled a plate of her own, and sat opposite to Hitsugi. Hitsugi took a while, but soon tucked in happily.

"Not a morning person, huh?" Chitaru said, somewhat wistfully. Hitsugi nodded half-heartedly, concentrating on her food. Chitaru supressed a chuckle. She was laughing a lot around Hitsugi, which was a good thing, but for someone who had never expected to laugh again, it was a bit scary. A welcome scary. Probably.

She mused on this while they ate, as Hitsugi didn't seem up to conversation. All that she could really figure out that she was feeling both happy and sad, all at the same time, but that she didn't feel entitled to have the happy, because it felt so…odd. But when she was feeling good, that's all she noticed. In the moment, it didn't matter.

_Maybe I should stop thinking, and see where everything takes me. Thinking too much doesn't seem to be doing me any good. _

And, somewhat ironically, after thinking about it, she decided that was the best thing to do.

**…**

Chitaru had offered to walk Hitsugi home, even though it was morning and therefore pointless. But Hitsugi had insisted that she would be fine, so she contented herself with seeing her out of her door.

"Well then. See you later, Chitaru-san."

"See you later, Hitsugi. I hope you had fun."

"Oh, I did." Hitsugi didn't turn to go, instead choosing to look intently at Chitaru. It lasted to the point that Chitaru was both curious and went pink.

Then, Hitsugi did something surprising. She leaned forward and kissed her. And not just briefly. Then, Chitaru surprised herself by responding in kind. When Hitsugi pulled away, all she could do was blink. Hitsugi smiled, and just like that, she left, the door swinging closed behind her.

Chitaru stared at the door for a long, long moment, lifting a hand to her lips. And it was in that gesture that she surprised herself twice more. The first surprise was how warm she now felt, right to her very core.

The second surprise was that no matter how hard she looked inside herself, she could find no traces of regret.


	11. I'd Like to Find Out

Hitsugi paced up and down her tiny bedroom as she dried her hair with a towel, wondering if she had really put her foot in things this time. If she had been too impulsive. But kissing Chitaru had been…perfect, for lack of a less mushier term.

_Didn't you say that the last time, and the time before, and the time before? _A little voice in her head told her as her exes popped in her head.

"But they're different!" Hitsugi said aloud, and instantly paused to mentally berate herself. Talking aloud to herself wasn't really the best course of action. But she had a point. They were different- deadbeat guys who hung around in the same circles as her godforsaken family. Chitaru was different, in every way that counted.

_W-wait. What does that even imply? _

Hitsugi stopped in her tracks again, and sighed. She stopped towelling her hair and threw the towel on the radiator rack, paying no attention to how it landed. She turned to the mirror to focus on tying up her damp hair. She had to head out to work. After that, she would make sure that her impulsivity hadn't ruined what she already had.

**…**

Chitaru was momentarily disoriented by the sight of the fluffy brown rabbit in Suzu's arms.

"Ah, I was just feeding the rabbits. Do you want to come in?"

"Yeah, sure. You got yourself a rabbit again? It's been a while since the last one." Chitaru thought back on all the years she'd known Suzu, of how she'd grown up playing with various rabbits.

"I actually have five this time." Suzu said as they walked to the conservatory at the back of her house.

"Five? Even for you, that's unusual."

"Well, I figured it would be more interesting than going down the crazy old cat lady route. You know, like a crazy old bunny lady."

Chitaru shook her head.

"Suzu-san, you're more than just an old lady, you know."

"Why thank you, Chitaru-Chan. Ah, here we go Nao! Back with your friends." They reached the conservatory, and Suzu knelt down to put the rabbit-Nao-back into the hutch.

"The rabbit's called Nao."

"Yes, and the other brown one is called Miki. I don't have names for the grey one, the white one or the black-and-white one. "

"Oh, erm…"

"I actually had an idea for two of the names."

"Which are?"

"Sacchan and Macchan."

"Ah." Chitaru blinked, and then sat down next to the hutch so she could look at the rabbits. "That's fine with me."

"At the very least, you should decide which ones are to be called Sacchan and Macchan."

"Ohh, okay." Chitaru looked, trying to see if the behaviour of the rabbits resembled either of her daughters. They didn't, not really, but she decided to just pick at random.

"This one's Sachika." She moved to pick up the grey one, but hesitated. Suzu nodded at her, and she held it carefully to her chest, feeling the soft little thing wriggle. She watched the bunny for a while, and then added. "The white one's Mami."

"Okay then." Suzu nodded, seemingly satisfied. They sat for a moment, silently petting the rabbits when Suzu spoke up again.

"So, what brings you here?"

Chitaru opened her mouth to tell Suzu what had happened that morning, but no words came. Instead, she just went red. Suzu looked at her questioningly, which didn't help.

"I…erm…." She faltered, feeling like a teenager. Suzu's eyes lit up, and she nodded.

"Ahh, I see."

"I didn't say anything!" Chitaru said, surprised.

"Are you sure?" Suzu pointed. It was then that Chitaru realised she had unconsciously brought her fingers to her lips.

"Oh. Right. Yes. Then I don't need to explain."

"I might need some background though, if I am to help you."

"Right…" Chitaru thought. "It was…unexpected, she kissed me first. But that didn't matter to me. I…I felt good. Like this is how things were supposed to happen, as if nothing was wrong with the world. I know that doesn't make sense, but I don't know how you'd go about describing these things. "

"No, no, you described it very well. And I think I know what's happening with you. "

Chitaru stroked the space between the Sacchan rabbit's ears.

"You do?" Suzu was either psychic or incredibly wise. Chitaru probably already knew which one it was, but it still managed to amaze her each time Suzu managed to figure out what she was thinking even when she didn't realise it.

"Yes, Chitaru-Chan. It'd be obvious to anyone." She smiled. "You're in love."

**…**

When the restaurant was quiet, Hitsugi checked her phone, and saw she had a new message. It was from Chitaru.

"_I went around to my neighbour, Suzu-san's place, and now I'm rather tired, so I'm going to bed. So see you tomorrow instead?"_

Hitsugi blinked. Not what she was expecting. If it wasn't for the fact that A: Chitaru always seemed sincere in what she said and did and B: had added the 'see you tomorrow' bit to the message, Hitsugi would have assumed Chitaru was avoiding her after the kiss.

But just in case, she sent a confirming reply, to make sure Chitaru wouldn't forget.

"_Sure thing, See ya tomorrow! ;)"_

**…**

Chitaru woke up, bleary and unsure of herself after dreaming about her daughters. She couldn't remember whether this dream was a sweet one, or a nightmare. Just that they were there.

_Mami, Sachika. Where are you now? It'd be nice if there was an afterlife, somewhere where you could play and be happy. _

She sighed, and got out of bed, heading straight downstairs and looking in her cupboards, only to find she had no cereal. She blinked for a moment, and then went to her other cupboards, and the fridge, methodically checking what else she didn't have. When she had composed a mental shopping list, she went upstairs to wash and change, and then headed out to the supermarket.

On the way there, she saw a few people she recognised-acquaintances- none of whom seemed to know what to say to her. But she didn't mind, because she didn't know what to say to them, either. Thankfully, she didn't have to deal with anyone once she'd got to the supermarket, so she just concentrated on getting what she needed. Methodically, robotically, alone.

"_Okay, can anyone spot the apples?" Chitaru said as they approached the fruit section." And also we need bananas, grapes and oranges."_

"_I'll find them, I'll find them!" Sachika said. _

"_No, I will!" Mami protested, running after her sister. _

"_Don't run or argue!" Chitaru reminded them, although it was useless as they had already focussed themselves on finding the fruits. _

"_Mama, is this a bananananaa?" Mami asked, holding up a bunch of bananas with both hands. _

"_Yes, that's a bunch of bananas. Put them in the trolley." Mami giggled and put the bananas in the trolley with all the seriousness of a four-year-old before rushing back to find the other things. Almost on cue, Sachika came brandishing a bag of grapes, put them in the trolley and ran back without bothering to ask Chitaru about them, confident in her abilities. _

_After they found the fruits, Chitaru moved onto the vegetables, and whiles she didn't let them find the items themselves this time, she had them pick out the biggest or the roundest of them , depending on the vegetable. _

_Then, they moved onto the frozen section._

"_Now," she asked. "Who wants ice-cream tonight?"_

"_ME!"_

Chitaru smiled at the memory for a moment, and then grew sad again. She rushed through the rest of her shopping, and got to the tills as soon as possible.

"Chitaru-san?"

She turned, and to her surprise, Hitsugi was waiting at the other checkout, taking items out of her shopping basket.

"Don't you have work today?" was the only thing she could think to ask. Hitsugi blinked, and then nodded.

"Yeah, but I ran out of supplies."

"But all you've bought is….err, hold on." The queue moved, and Chitaru paid for her goods, before putting them all in the bags she had brought with her. Then, she waited for Hitsugi, who came soon after, holding just one bag.

"What I was going to say is, you've just got snack food and ready meals?" Chitaru said, not missing a beat and surprising herself in the process. Hitsugi giggled nervously.

"I can't cook."

"Oh." Chitaru put her bags in the trolley and went to put it back in the trolley bay. Hitsugi followed.

"I could teach you, if you wanted." Chitaru said. "To cook, that is. I need something to fill my days."

_Because I can't help people in the way I used to. I try to focus on their losses but all I see are my own. _

"That would be good." Hitsugi paused. She looked thoughtful.

"is something wrong?" Chitaru asked. Hitsugi went bright red in response. Chitaru was confused, but then she clocked what Hitsugi was thinking about. She went pink as well, but then gathered herself. Not sure what it is she should say, she reached out to ruffle Hitsugi's hair. And then she smiled. Hitsugi blinked, and then reached up to take Chitaru's hand in her much more child-like ones. She removed Chitaru's hand from her head, but didn't let go. They stood like that for a moment, and then they both laughed.

"Look at us, what are we like, honestly?" Hitsugi giggled. Chitaru laughed too.

"I honestly don't know…but I'd like to find out."

Hitsugi regarded her.

"You mean….?"

"Yeah." Chitaru wasn't sure what to say, but she thought she had conveyed it well enough. And when Hitsugi smiled, she knew that she had.

"Okay, so…I'll see you tonight?"

"Of course."

"Yay!" Hitsugi kissed Chitaru on the cheek, picked up her bag, and then rushed off, and all Chitaru could do was smile because somehow, irrationally so, she was just really_ happy_.


	12. Meet the (Grand)parent

**Well...there might not be another update for a little while. This is because I am in the middle of writing out a Shigatsu wa Kimi no Uso fanfiction. An epilogue fanfiction, to be exact. It was only meant to be a one-shot but it has started to write itself and might end up a three parter...So yeah. **

**If you're interested, it's called _KimiUso Epilogue: Cherry Blossom Ghosts. _**

**Hopefully I will be able to update again soon but in the meantime enjoy this chapter, and please leave feedback. **

"You'll like Suzu-san; she's really nice, just like someone's grandma." Chitaru reassured Hitsugi as they walked down the street to Suzu's house. It had been about a month and a bit since their relationship had tipped over from mere friendship to tentative romance. Four months since they had met, properly.

_Seven months since Chitaru-san's daughters died. _It was not a fact that had been forced on her. Much to the contrary, it was something Chitaru made an effort not to mention, as she was trying not to get mired in grief, even if she couldn't help but share a memory from time to time. It was one of many, many little things Hitsugi loved about her.

In any case, today's outing was not about that. It was about meeting Suzu Shuuto, who had been an important figure in Chitaru's life growing up. Chitaru's parents and foster mother were long dead, so she was Chitaru's closest thing to family. In other words, today's outing was a meet-the-parent sort of scenario. Something else she had never experienced. Primarily because her past boyfriends had been people closely associated with her own family.

_This is what normal, good people do. They create their own lives, try to find their own people to love, and continue striving to be good, even when they are already amazing. I wonder if I can be that kind of person now. _

"Wow, this house looks even bigger than yours!" Hitsugi paused, and then backtracked. "Not that your house is small, or anything."

Chitaru laughed- something she had gradually been doing a lot more of in the past month and a bit- and pressed the doorbell. It did not take long for Hitsugi to be able to hear the sounds of someone shuffling to the door, and then for the door to open.

The woman at the door was….surprising. She was short, and slightly hunched over in the way old people were. As would be expected, her face was aged, and she was dressed traditionally, in a kimono that was patterned like a sunrise. But her chin length hair was stylish, and a silvery blue rather than white, and her golden eyes were still bright and youthful. She wasn't that wrinkly either. All in all, this was a woman who looked good for her age. There was also something vaguely familiar about her, and Hitsugi couldn't figure it out.

"Ah, you must be Hitsugi-Chan!"

"Yes, I'm Hitsugi Kirigaya. Pleased to meet you, Shuuto-san."

Suzu chuckled heartily.

"No need for such formality. Any friend of Chitaru-Chan is a friend of mine. Please, come in."

They came in, and slipped off their shoes, following Suzu into a large and cosy dining room.

"You have similar tastes." Hitsugi remarked, thinking of how Chitaru's house was similarly welcoming. With a pang of bitterness, she recalled her so called 'expensive' childhood home. Desolate, lonely, all chrome and white tiles. Then, she pushed the thoughts away. She wasn't there anymore, and wouldn't ever be.

"Why thank you." Suzu set down a tray containing biscuits and tea, seemingly from nowhere, and sat down to join them. "Why not tell me about yourself?"

"I…um…" Hitsugi wondered what she could say. "I moved from Aomori, almost a year ago. I'm trying to lead my own life, you see. Anyway, I usually work at QUEEN, you know, that newish restaurant, although I've taken two weeks off, otherwise I wouldn't be here, haha…erm….to be honest, this makes me feel like I'm at school, and I never really liked school." Hitsugi laughed nervously.

"She likes children's movies, and isn't a morning person. " Chitaru offered. "She's a lot like Mami in that respect, actually. "

"Really?"

"I would have to take Chitaru's word for it." Hitsugi said, honestly, making Suzu chuckle.

"Yes, I suppose you would. " Suzu said. "But anyway, about Aomori. Your family?"

"Erm…." Hitsugi felt a little uncomfortable. Suzu picked up on this.

"Ah, don't mind me. Old people are excessively intrusive."

"Its fine, I'm not offended. They were just….strict, and stuck in their ways. It got suffocating, but I put off leaving for ages because I thought I loved them. " _It's the same thing I said to Chitaru, anyway. And it's true. _

It was at that point they changed the subject. Time whizzed by as they talked about food, clothes, and Suzu's long, colourful past. There were even a few funny stories from Chitaru's childhood, which were both amusing and cute. Hitsugi could easily imagine a small, shy girl hiding underneath her own messy red hair.

Suzu was in the middle of telling them a story about her late husband's family when she stopped, halfway through, looking as if something had just occurred to her.

"Are you okay?" Chitaru looked concerned. Suzu waved off her concern.

"Ah, I've just thought of something interesting. You might want to see it, Hitsugi-Chan."

"Me?" Hitsugi blinked.

"Yes, silly child. Now, sit tight." Suzu got up and shuffled off, leaving Chitaru and Hitsugi sitting there feeling puzzled.

"Is this…normal?" Hitsugi asked.

"Suzu-san's mind is still sharp, and she has as many thoughts as a philosophical teenager. "

"Right….." Chitaru laughed at Hitsugi's scepticism.

"It's true! Anyway, I have a feeling she's going to get her family tree research. She's put a lot of time into tracing her ancestors."

"Wow. I was practically given drills about mine! It was kind of intimidating." Hitsugi said. "You guys are kind of lucky, being able to love your families."

"Well, you're part of _our_ families now." Chitaru said, putting her arm around Hitsugi. At that point, Suzu came in carrying a pile of books and folders, and the two sprung apart like embarrassed teenagers.

"Oh, come on now! I've lived longer than the two of you put together. You think I'm bothered by a little fluffy romance?" Suzu smiled, showing that she meant the comments in a friendly way. They both blushed, simultaneously.

"Anyway, let's have a look through these. " Suzu set the pile down, and began flicking through them. In the manner of someone who knew her material off by heart, she skimmed through most of it before dismissing it, and therefore managed to find what she was looking for easily.

"Here we go." Suzu handed a bundle to Hitsugi, who looked through it. "The family tree's at the front, for reference."

Hitsugi looked at the family tree first, studying the names. With her finger, she traced upwards from Suzu. Chitaru looked over her shoulder.

"Is that who you mean?" she pointed to a name a few generations above Suzu. Hitsugi looked.

_Usagi Kirigaya. _

"Usagi? As in, rabbit?" Hitsugi said, not sure what else to say. She looked again, and saw that this Usagi Kirigaya had married one Nobuhiko Shuuto.

"Yes, Usagi-san and Nobuhiko-san were my great grandparents. There's a page about them in there, although I confess there isn't that much." Suzu said, apologetically.

"It's okay." Hitsugi murmured, as she flicked through the pages. When she found the correct one, her attention was distracted by the old sepia photograph.

"Woah, she looks like you!" Chitaru exclaimed. "Suzu-san, are you saying that….?"

"It seems to be the case."

Hitsugi stared at the photograph. The woman's clothes and hair were clearly from a different era, and her face was a little more fox-like, but it was almost like looking into a sepia coloured mirror. _A member of my own family, married to a member of Suzu-san's?! We're related….that explains the familiarity. _

"Nicknamed Usagi as a baby, her real name has since been forgotten….disowned from the Kirigaya family when she met Nobuhiko Shuuto and declared that she did not want to have any hand in the Kirigaya family's activities….oh…apparently they were a notorious criminal family back in the day…." Chitaru said, reading out things, seemingly as they caught her eye rather than how they were written down.

"The legacy lives on. The community has practically been brought up with these stories, and my parents enjoy basking in the glory." Hitsugi said, recalling bits of her childhood.

"Ouch." Chitaru winced sympathetically. "No wonder you don't talk to them anymore. Did they disown you, too?"

"Yes." At least _that_ was the complete truth.

"Well, since we're vaguely related through our Usagi-san, it doesn't matter now, does it? "

"You're right, Suzu-san." Hitsugi found herself feeling happy about the fact.

"I told her as much, anyway." Chitaru said, smiling a special smile at Hitsugi.

_Perhaps one day I'll come completely clean. But for now, I'll just enjoy this new family of mine. Then, even if they reject me too, I'll be able to walk away knowing that I experienced true love, familial or otherwise. _

"So, Suzu-san." Hitsugi said. "Can you tell me a bit more about how you found all of this out? The dedication this must have taken is amazing."

"Amazing isn't necessarily the word I'd use, but yes, of course. It's quite a story though….."

**…**

It was dark when they finally left, having gotten carried away conversation and Suzu's pet rabbits. Hitsugi had gotten roped into naming one of the rabbits, a cute little black-and white one. After much thought, she had called it Kenny-tan, much to Suzu's amusement. And then all three of them had ended up making dinner. It had been…ordinary, yet extraordinary.

"I'll walk you back, it's dark." Chitaru said.

"I noticed." Hitsugi joked. Then , seriously, she added "But really, it's fine."

"No, no, I'll walk you back. It's not safe, walking this far alone." Hitsugi couldn't fault that one. She had deliberately left her bus pass at home in order to get some exercise. But she didn't want to show Chitaru her poky flat.

"I….aren't you tired? "

Chitaru shook her head.

"That wouldn't be anything new. "she said, matter-of-factly. Hitsugi felt a pang of guilt, and just like that, she gave in.

"If you want to, then you can." _It can't hurt. I've already started, anyway. Being honest, that is._

They walked most of the way in silence, holding hands. Hitsugi couldn't help noticing how warm Chitaru's hand was. She wondered if her own hand was warm, or if it was actually cold.

"_Oi, Hitsugi, you're hands are really cold!" _

_Hitsugi put her hands in her pockets, quickly, and glared defensively. He looked at her just as defensively. _

"_It's true, you know. All you Kirigayas have cold hands. You're all cold bastards, after all. I know how it is!" Then, he grinned. "But you're still hot!"_

"_That's _not_ the issue here." She muttered. But of course, he didn't hear her. _

She clamped down on the memory.

"We're nearly there." She told Chitaru, instantly sensing how she realised how bad an area this was. But to her credit, Chitaru didn't say anything.

"Oh, here, we go down this road." They approached the block of flats, and they went up the stairs until they got to Hitsugi's, on the third floor.

"So…erm….I….erm…." Hitsugi found herself lacking words. Something else she wasn't used to. Just another thing to add to the list.

_I am so out of my depth in this kind of life. But…_

Chitaru let go of her hand, and leaned in, so that their foreheads were touching.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of. Absolutely nothing." She said, with so much conviction that Hitsugi's heart did a weird flippy thing in her chest. She wondered if Chitaru would say the same thing if she knew everything.

"Chitaru-san…."

"I don't judge people based on where they lived, or where they came from. And…I know you're a good person. So, don't be ashamed of this place. "

"I…it's only a temporary place, until I've saved up for somewhere better."

"So you've said. "

"But…it's late now, but if you'd like to come inside, tomorrow….?"

Chitaru straightened up, and smiled.

"I'd like that."

Hitsugi smiled, pleased, and practically leaped to hug Chitaru.

"Well then, see you tomorrow?" she asked.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world." Chitaru said. "Goodbye." She went back down the stairs, and Hitsugi watched until she was out of sight before turning to unlock her door and go inside.

_I am so out of my depth in this kind of life. But…_

…_I don't want any other kind. _


	13. Selfish

Hitsugi was so convinced that where she lived would be judged badly, that it would somehow reveal who she was before; she ended up surprised when Chitaru didn't say anything about it at all. Instead, they ate snacks and laughed and talked in her kitchen about everything and nothing. Later on, Hitsugi got the courage to give Chitaru a mini-tour of her little flat.

"You've kept it well." Chitaru said.

"Eh…not really." Hitsugi said. "Yours is much better."

"No, really. A smaller place is easier to clean. I have so many rooms that I just don't use. Hell, I didn't even need to use some of them wh…" Chitaru trailed off, and her face took on an expression that Hitsugi recognised well. It was the face of her recalling memories of her daughters.

"Well, it's not in a nice area though, is it? I'd much rather move somewhere nicer, like near you. Or maybe near work." Hitsugi decided to try distracting her this time around, and it worked.

"I could help you look." Chitaru offered. "And I can ask around."

"Really? Thank you, Chitaru-san!"

After that, they talked no more of housing, and decided to take a walk around town instead. And she found herself believing that things would be okay, and that she could pretend that maybe, just maybe, the past didn't exist.

**…**

Time started to speed up again for Chitaru. She started to clear out Sachika and Mami's room, and deal with other things that needed to be done in her house. She got her will changed, to account for the empty gap in her life, and even played with Sumireko in the park a few times, under the watchful eye of her mother. She even started thinking about going back into work, and went to the police station a few times-both to visit her friends there, and to discuss her return with Chief Kaiba and the psychologist who had taken her place for the time being. One time, Mika and Ryou even made her wait until they had all finished for the day, and they insisted on dragging her out to dinner, which she managed to enjoy.

But for all of that, she didn't breathe a word about Hitsugi. Given the amount of the time they spent in each other's company, it wasn't a deliberate thing. It was more a case of going home after spending time with Sumireko, or her old friends, and then realising that she hadn't mentioned the new girl in her life. And she wasn't entirely sure why she did it. She wasn't ashamed of Hitsugi-far from it. If Azuma or Inukai or Mika or any of them had seen the two of them together, she would have readily admitted the extent of their relationship, and she would have done so proudly. Hitsugi was like a light. The only others who been like that for her were Sachika, Mami and Suzu. And she had more or less gotten over the feeling that she wasn't allowed to have another light in her life a long time ago. So she wasn't sure why she had kept quiet, or how she had managed to do so.

_Maybe I'm just confused about this whole relationship thing. _Chitaru thought one day, when she managed to confuse herself thinking about it. She recalled past relationships, all of them limp things that hadn't made it past the third date, if that. None of those experiences had exactly made her an expert in being someone's girlfriend. Being in love was another thing completely-she was sure that nobody could ever become an expert in something as complex as that.

_Yeah, that must be it. _

But somehow, she knew that wasn't an excuse.

**…**

"Don't go."

It was late evening. Chitaru had taken Hitsugi back to her house, and they had eaten dinner together, the way they tended to. After that, they had sat in front of the television together, channel-surfing and generally enjoying each other's company. And it was one of those nights when Chitaru could feel her guilt and confusion eating up at her, and she just didn't want to be alone.

_Am I just trying to ignore myself? Pretend that everything is as it should be? _

Hitsugi paused from wriggling out from Chitaru's embrace and looked at her, confused.

"I have work tomorrow. Are you okay?"

Chitaru held her hands out in a gesture to say that she just didn't have the words to explain it.

"Don't go." She repeated. "Please."

_Oh, who cares? I think I'm allowed to be selfish, for once. _

Hitsugi paused, and considered it.

"Well, I don't have to go in until the afternoon…" Hitsugi said, more to herself. Then, she changed her mind, and sat down again, settling back to where she had been just moments before.

"Okay, I'm here. I'll be here for as long as you need me." She murmured dreamily. Chitaru managed to smile, and pulled Hitsugi closer and took solace in her presence.

"Thank You."

**So...I'm back. With a shorter chapter, but I'm back. I will try my utmost best to NOT get side-tracked by other ideas. Failing that, I'll make sure they are merely oneshots and don't just balloon into something else completely, lol. **


	14. Being a Kirigaya, part 1

Chitaru absently played with Hitsugi's hair as they lay in bed together, not saying a word. Hitsugi looked at Chitaru, searchingly, wondering what she was thinking.

"Hey…Chitaru-san? You're quiet…" Hitsugi said.

"Mmm. I'm enjoying the moment." Chitaru said, simply. Hitsugi chuckled and snuggled up closer.

"You're warm." Was all she said in response. Chitaru smiled, and soon after, they both fell asleep.

**…**

Chitaru was woken up by sunrays streaming through her window. She sat up, and yawned. Then, she looked at Hitsugi's sleeping form next to her, strangely innocent and childlike.

_I'll let her sleep for a while. _

She got up, and noticed the pile of clothes on the floor. She sighed, and blushed a little. She would have to iron those clothes for Hitsugi later, so that she could go home and get ready for work . She went to set up the ironing board, then left it so that she could brush her teeth.

Chitaru was starting to get changed when Hitsugi woke up, yawning. She blinked, confused, and then rubbed her eyes. For a moment Chitaru flashed back to Mami behaving in the same way on school mornings, and then came back to the present.

"Good morning." She said simply, as if her presence there was a normal occurrence.

"Good morning." Chitaru replied, smiling.

"Where's the bathroom?"

"End of the corridor, right hand side. Ah, hold on!" Chitaru stopped what she was doing, and went to her cupboard. Rooting around for a moment, she found some clothes and threw them at Hitsugi, who managed to catch them, although she seemed surprised.

"Your clothes are creased. I'll iron them after breakfast."

Hitsugi nodded tiredly, and then got out of bed to go to the bathroom.

Half an hour later, they were both downstairs eating breakfast. They weren't really talking, because there wasn't much to say, but occasionally they'd look at each other and smile, acknowledging that something had changed for them, but for the better.

This comfortable almost-silence was interrupted by the doorbell.

"I won't be a minute." Chitaru said, walking towards the front door.

_I wonder who it could be._

Chitaru blinked when she saw Azuma and Inukai standing at the door.

"Well, are you going to let us in?" Inukai demanded haughtily. Chitaru blinked again, and then nodded. They followed her inside to the kitchen, where Hitsugi sat looking very confused. Wearing Chitaru's clothes.

_Oops._

"Oh my gosh, I really can't believe it!" Inukai said, laughing. "All those times I set you up on a date that didn't work out and you end up finding someone yourself…Namatame, you're a dark horse."

"It could just be that we have different tastes." Chitaru pointed out. Azuma nodded.

"She has a point, Inukai, your taste in…people is certainly…interesting."

"Hey!" Inukai looked offended, but Chitaru knew her well enough to know that she wasn't actually.

"Anyway, "Azuma said, turning her attention to Hitsugi "I didn't get your name."

"Hitsugi Kirigaya." Hitsugi said. Azuma nodded.

"I'm Azuma, that's Inukai. I hope you're looking after Namatame."

"Yes, I am." Hitsugi nodded earnestly. Azuma sat down, but Inukai continued to scrutinise Hitsugi.

"Erm, Inukai…" Chitaru started, but Inukai shushed her violently. After a moment, she shrugged and sat down. She tossed her hair back, and then fixed Hitsugi with a hard look.

"There's something familiar about you, Kirigaya."

"I…erm, okay."

"Oh, is that so? Where from?" Azuma's curiosity was piqued, and she regarded Hitsugi. Chitaru was about to say something when Inukai shrugged and simply said 'dunno'. After that, the ice was (somewhat) broken, and they chatted for a while before Azuma and Inukai said they had to go. Chitaru walked with them to the door.

"Look…" Azuma whispered as she stood in the doorway. "Are you sure everything is fine?"

Chitaru looked confused, and Azuma sighed, and gestured in the vague direction of the kitchen.

"Yes…why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know. Inukai got me thinking, that's all."

Chitaru mentally face palmed. More often than not, when someone on the police force recognised someone they hadn't rightfully met, there was usually some significance attached to that. But that didn't mean that this was true all the time.

"Go, Azuma. Stop thinking! We'll catch up another time." Chitaru laughed . Azuma cracked a smile, and then left with Inukai.

**…**

_She woke up, blinking, trying to adjust to the bright lights around her. She wondered where she was, what she was doing there. She tried to move her hand, and then her arm, and although it took effort, she was relieved to see that it moved. _

So, I'm not dead._ She concluded, silently. As her eyes focused, she decided to try and sit up. As she did so, she took in her surroundings, and came to the conclusion that she was in hospital. And as she realised that, memories started to flood back in. _

No, No! _Shaking her head in fright, she tried to forget, but she couldn't. She wondered what had happened since…since that. How she had ended up here. Who had brought her here? And where…_

_She paused as she suddenly caught up to her panicked rambling thoughts and realised that something was missing, something which should definitely not be missing._

Where? How? _She tried to remain calm by refusing to ask herself questions in full, but she started to panic as she realised that was the one thing that she couldn't remember._

"_Oh!" She looked up to see a surprised looking nurse peering around the door and staring at her. "You're awake."_

"_I…uh…" just that reaction alone clued her into there being something much more wrong than she knew. _

"_I'll just go and get the doctor, okay? Don't move!" _

Hitsugi woke up with a start from the nightmare that was more of a flashback. She lay in her bed, looking up and wishing she had gone back to Chitaru last night, so that at least she could wake up and feel anchored, rather than feeling like she was going to break apart and float away. But was that an option, either? She wasn't sure if she could share this memory with Chitaru. Because to do that would mean explaining all that came before, and she didn't want to do that. She couldn't. So far, she had managed to get away with very little details, but as she spent more time at Chitaru's overnight, as she was more able to visualise a future with her, how long could it last? The closer they got, the more that was at stake by her telling, or so it seemed.

But she wouldn't think of that anymore, not for now. She just wanted to have a little more time that was happy, a little more time with Chitaru. If it wasn't too much to ask, that was.

Sluggishly, she dragged herself out of bed and went through the motions of getting ready for work and leaving the house. She stared mindlessly at the cereal in her cupboards, then eventually found a snack bar that she could just munch on the way to work. But despite her best -or maybe worst, because she was no longer sure-intentions, she still found herself dwelling on her own past, and so she didn't notice the person following her until they were practically walking in step.

"What are you doing, Ms Kirigaya?" the man said.

_Huh? I don't know you. _She looked at the man, who was smartly suited and probably a few years older than she was. That being said, he looked hardened and cynical despite the conversational tone of voice he had, and that made him seem…older. Like her father, or uncle. Which would have been unsettling in itself, but he knew her name too, which positively scared her.

"Going to work…" Hitsugi said, giving the man the most obvious odd look that she could, in the hope he'd take the hint and leave her alone.

"Oh, is that so?" the man enquired. "Where do you work? "

"QUEEN." She answered shortly, speeding up. The man didn't break a sweat as he followed.

"Are you sure about that? He asked. "What makes you think I'd believe you, Miss Kirigaya?"

Hitsugi stopped, and sighed, and then turned around, fixing him with a challenging expression. One that she hadn't used in years.

"I think you are mistaking me for someone else. Now, I'd like you to leave me alone and go." She declared, defying her height and build to make herself seem 'tough', just like she had been taught so long ago. Unfortunately, this didn't have the desired effect on the man, who simply curled his lip in disgust.

"I don't expect any less from a Kirigaya. Acting like you own the world, poisoning the streets. Why are you in Myojo City?, huh? What business do you have here? Are you trying to corrupt this place, too?"

Hitsugi blinked, feeling thrown off. She felt tears well up at this man, whoever he was, ranting at her, vocalising all the things she'd been afraid of hearing upon her true identity being revealed. But who was he, to know these things? One small blessing was that her family weren't known much out of their area of Aomori. So, who was this.

"Don't bother explaining yourself!" the man barked, suddenly. "I don't want to know. You can save your spiel for my superiors over at the station!"

When he reached into his pocket to pull out handcuffs, Hitsugi realised what was happening.

_I'm being arrested. _


	15. Being a Kirigaya, part 2

Chitaru sat at the computer, her hand hesitating over the keyboard. Inukai's throwaway words from almost three weeks ago rang in her head.

_She looks familiar. _

She had dismissed it at the time, but afterwards, she had combed back through her times with Hitsugi, picking up on weird details. Her reluctance to talk about her past, particularly her family. Her concerns about reputation. The few, but distinctive scars on her body. How she hadn't seemed to care when Chitaru confessed that she hadn't actually told Azuma or Inukai about her up until that time they'd dropped in unexpectedly. And so many other little things, things she couldn't name. But, she didn't know if it was fair to push the issue. So many clients she'd had before were like that- taciturn, frightened, and reluctant.

_But she isn't a client, is she? _

Chitaru stared at her screen, then went into her work emails, and cleared up her inbox. She did the same with her other email account, and then turned off the computer. If she wanted answers that she might not be able to get from Hitsugi, there was a better place to go before she used the internet. And that place was Suzu. Given how they were distantly related, perhaps Suzu could give her an outline of the Kirigaya's history, and then she could decide what to do from there- whether she should treat it as something suspicious or just a mixture of embarrassment and fear.

She was just approaching Suzu's house when she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. She took it out and answered it without looking at the screen. She listened to the person on the other end, and her eyes widened.

"I'll be there." She stated, simply, hanging up and turning to walk rapidly in the opposite direction.

**…**

"I've come here about Hitsugi Kirigaya? I believe you've arrested her?" Chitaru chose not to add that it was clearly done without reason. Most likely, the poor receptionist-who seemed to be a rookie policeman- had done nothing more than make a note of the event. It would be unfair to berate him.

"I..um…." he looked through the logbook.

"Yes, that's right. Erm…I think it was Officer Yasuda who took her in. He's probably got her in interrogation right now. Do you want me to send a message?"

"Do." She said bluntly.

"Okay, what's your name?"

"Chitaru Namatame. " Chitaru handed over her ID card, and then added "I would have been the one she called."

"Oh. Ohhh." The rookie's eyes grew wide, as if suddenly understanding something. He took one last look at the ID card before handing it back to her.

"What's it like at Myojo First? Better, worse?"

"It's all right." She answered. She didn't really want to get into conversation, and the rookie seemed to sense that, because he got up and rushed off into one of the snaking corridors nearby. She sighed, and went to sit in the waiting area. She didn't know if Myojo First was better or not, but it was a less complicated station that Myojo Third seemed to be.

"Aren't you bored without a book?"

Chitaru looked up to see a woman slightly younger than her peer over her, looking confused behind her red-rimmed glasses. But despite that confusion, her bright brown eyes sparkled. And she was holding a book. Well, three.

"Not…really…..?"

"Ohh, you're waiting for an arrested loved one!" Chitaru just stared at her, wondering if this woman was a psychologist, too. Except that if the situation had been reversed, Chitaru wouldn't have been quite so…self-assured about her deduction.

"Mistaken arrest." Chitaru eventually said.

"Ohhhh." The woman nodded sagely. "They all say that, you know. All the relatives. Even if they actually know otherwise. Denial, you know? Who wants to believe someone so precious to you can be a bad person? But…"

The woman put all the books down on an empty chair, then continued to scrutinize Chitaru openly.

"But…you seem as if you really do think that your person is innocent, whoever they are. "

"It's a family thing. Her ancestors were criminals, a long time ago."

The woman grimaced.

"That sounds like Yasuda." She sympathised. "Bigoted bastard. Anyway, you seem like fun, do drop by again sometime, okay?" The woman picked up her books, then pulled a business card from between the pages from one, before throwing it at Chitaru and disappearing into another confusing corridor with a cheery farewell.

_How's she going to find her page now?_

Chitaru put the business card in her pocket. She wasn't sure why she'd seek out that whirlwind of a person when they hadn't even exchanged names, but she didn't want to throw the card away. That felt wrong, somehow. She leaned back in the chair, looking up at the bland roof.

_Why, Hitsugi? What's so bad about who you were that you can't tell me?_

As if summoning her from her thoughts, Hitsugi appeared behind an officer who looked gruff, and mean. Hitsugi's eyes welled up when she spotted Chitaru, and smiled gratefully. She was still in her work clothes, which struck Chitaru as extraordinarily unfair.

Swallowing her feelings, Chitaru got up and went to deal with him, hoping that she'd be able to negotiate something with him.

It turned out to be a lot easier than she'd envisioned, because it turned out Hitsugi had been brought in on imaginary charges, and it didn't take long for the rookie policeman to return and help with the paperwork. During all of it, neither of them said more than was necessary, whereas Yasuda made lots of snide comments that made Chitaru's blood run cold.

When they were able to leave, Chitaru was glad, and rushed away as soon as possible, her arm protectively around Hitsugi, who seemed happy to leave. But that didn't prevent Hitsugi from looking back and giving Yasuda the darkest look she could muster.

And it certainly didn't stop Chitaru from noticing.

**…**

Who knew she could be so good at avoidance? She certainly hadn't, up until Hitsugi's unjustified arrest. She hadn't changed her mind about it being unjustified, and she was convinced that Hitsugi had been truthful in that respect.

Yet, she couldn't bring herself to ask anything. Not while she took Hitsugi home. Not while she phoned into work for her. Not while Hitsugi changed into some of Chitaru's spare clothes, or while she watched her own clothes spin in the washing machine, and certainly not while they were eating lunch. And she knew why.

_I'm afraid of her. I'm afraid of Hitsugi, even though I have no reason to be. _

The look she had seen in Hitsugi's eyes as they'd left…it was possibly the worst thing she'd ever seen. It reminded her of the criminals that Azuma and Inukai dealt with on a regular basis, the ones she'd only passed by. It reminded her of Moriaki Souta, and his lack of remorse. But somehow it was worse. She played back the moment in her mind, over and over again, to the point she couldn't remember which bits were memory, and which ones were fabrication. Narrowed eyes, glowing, mouth twisted in a snarl, albeit a fleeting one. The general dark cloud that surrounded her pretty face. Chitaru remembered all of it. And she didn't want that to be directed at her.

So she said nothing, and tried to act as if everything was normal, and it seemed as if it had worked, because when Hitsugi's clothes had dried, and she left the house to go home, it didn't seem as if she had noticed.

_But she will eventually, and you know it. _

**…**

"Hey, hey, is something wrong?"

She was sitting in the incredibly vast(yet beautiful) garden of the Hanabusa house, sitting at a table with Sumireko Hanabusa, making flower garlands. They had already made necklaces, and bracelets, and now, Sumireko had decided, they needed a 'grand finale'. Of flower crowns.

Chitaru smiled at the little girl while cursing herself at her inability to not think of Hitsugi for even a short moment.

"No, I'm fine, really."

Sumireko narrowed her eyes and gave her a sceptical look, completely at odds with her pale skin, skinny frame and all the flowers surrounding her and definitely clashing with the fact she was currently in a wheelchair.

"You're keeping secrets. That's not nice." She informed her with all the authority of a self-assured child. It was all Chitaru could do to keep from laughing. She did so miss being with her own children.

"You've got me there. And I think that's the problem."

Sumireko stopped attempting to thread two flowers together, and blinked at Chitaru.

"What do you mean?"

Chitaru paused, wondering how to explain this to her.

"If she told me, I wouldn't stop loving her because of it. It would probably shock me, but I could deal with that. I know it would hurt her to talk about it, but I'd be there to-" too late, Chitaru realised she was being too honest, but Sumireko didn't seem to be too bothered, instead nodding sagely.

"Ohhh. Then you should just say all that and just _ask_." Sumireko said, enunciating the words carefully, clearly assuming that Chitaru hadn't thought of that. Which in a way was true. She hadn't thought that simply asking was…well, a simple matter. Instead, she had complicated it all in her mind, thinking that it would be too much to start something so difficult. But perhaps it wouldn't be. Maybe it was really as easy as just _asking_.

_It'll probably end up complicated though. But surely starting the conversation will be easy?_

"You're probably right." Chitaru conceded, finishing the crown she was holding. "Here." She reached over and put it lightly on Sumireko's head, which pleased her endlessly. The little girl giggled and giggled, and it warmed Chitaru's heart to see that this was so.

When Sumireko managed to catch her breath, she inspected her own half-finished crown, and pouted. Then, she looked up at Chitaru and pointed to the wide expanse of flowers.

"Let's make another one! For your friend. Because I think she won't be so offended if you give her a pretty flower crown! Right? "

**Because flowers make everything happy, haha. Also, I had another issue with deciding where to cut the chapter off. **


	16. Being a Kirigaya, part 3

As she looked out of the bus window, Hitsugi came to a conclusion. She'd had enough of this weird dancing-around-each-other thing they had been doing over the past two weeks. On the surface of things, everything had seemed normal- they met up regularly, and Chitaru was still good to her. But there was a distance between them, a sense that there were skeletons in the cupboard, elephants in the room, and even both. Occasionally, she caught a flash of fear in Chitaru's eyes, but pretended she hadn't. Pretending, pretending. It was a game she was familiar with, and she was tired of it.

So, now that the weather was getting colder, and Chitaru was easing herself back into work, and she had almost saved enough to get a better property, she decided that the games and the pretending would end. She was going to tell the truth.

_I can't leave my old self behind if I'm constantly hiding her, after all. _Yet even as she said that to herself, she knew there were some things she wouldn't be able to talk about, no matter how wonderful Chitaru was. No matter how wonderful the other friends she'd made were, for that matter. And that was why she had written the letter and hidden it under Chitaru's mattress. On the day she had been arrested (and then let go, thanks to Chitaru), she had quickly scribbled out her deepest secrets while Chitaru had been making something for them to eat, and then shoved it in the first place she could think of. But clearly, Chitaru hadn't needed to change her bed covers yet, because she hadn't mentioned anything about finding her letter.

With that thought, she rang the bell to indicate her stop was coming up and wobbled her way to the bus door. When she reached the stop, she hopped off and started walking, lost in her thoughts. It was only when she turned another corner and noticed that she didn't recognise the houses that she realised that she didn't know where she was. It turned out she had gotten off at the wrong stop. Mentally kicking herself, she turned around and attempted to walk back. And then she saw something that made her freeze.

It was a house. A boarded up yet falling apart house. Not one she'd seen before…yet it was oddly familiar.

_Feeling groggy, the sense of being carried in, the sound of a the pain…_

Hitsugi didn't know what to think for a moment, simply letting the memories filter in, foggy as they were. They were horrible memories, but there weren't many of them, and she hadn't really thought of them for a while…and then the panic set in.

_No, no! I've never been here before! It isn't possible! It isn't! _Scared silly, she ran and ran in what felt like endless circles until she ended up back at the bus stop. And once she was there, she wasn't able to stop shaking until she got to Chitaru's street.

_Why did that place look familiar? Why did it bring everything back? _

Taking many deep breaths, she reached for the doorbell, and pressed it. Chitaru appeared almost immediately, holding a photo album. Quietly, she smiled and let Hitsugi in, and they went straight to the living room she was now so familiar with. Almost on autopilot, her eyes drifted to the photos of Sachika and Mami. Such pretty, innocent kids. She wished she had been like that when she was younger, but she had been doomed from the start.

They chatted for a while, and then Hitsugi took a deep breath.

"Hey, Chitaru-san…"

"Hmm? Are you allright? You don't look well." Chitaru said, genuinely concerned, reaching over to take Hitsugi's hands in hers. Hitsugi was touched, and felt her eyes well up.

"I think we both know I wasn't completely honest back there…at Myojo Third…but even before that…" Hitsugi stumbled over her words, and eventually decided to illustrate with an example from her childhood. "Let me tell you about this time when I was fifteen…."

"_You're lucky, young lady. Being let off with a caution." _

_Hitsugi bowed deeply, doing her best to appear subservient and remorseful. _

"_I'm truly sorry. I was stupid." _

_The officer sniffed sceptically. _

"_Well_ , _you say so. Now, make sure to not get into any more trouble." _

_Hitsugi was glad to leave, but made sure she looked humble and embarrassed as she walked out of the station with her mother, and continued the façade even as they climbed into the car. _

"_That was disappointing, Hitsugi." Her father turned from the wheel to look at her coldly. "I thought you were better than this."_

"_That sums it up well, Tora. " her mother joined in with the scolding, her face expressionless "Haven't we taught you enough? How on earth did you get caught in your…teenage escapades? You should have known better. Maybe we won't send you out on assignments. Hmm?"_

"_No, no. I'm sorry, mother, father. It was a mistake, and I have learnt from it. I won't slip again." Hitsugi was panicked, she didn't want to be disowned, and cast on the streets. What would she do if that happened? Her learnt skills were too…specialised for that. She'd never survive. But she didn't let any of that show in her tone of voice. Instead, she was calm and collected, as ruthless as her parents. Possibly more. _

_Seemingly satisfied, her father turned and started the car. _

"_Good. That's the right answer. You're too valuable an asset. You cannot mess up like this again."_

"_I won't."_

Chitaru took a moment to react. She didn't seem horrified, or annoyed. At least, not towards Hitsugi.

"Your parents saw you as an asset?" she asked, eventually. "That's not very…parent-like."

Hitsugi laughed at the polite expression. She for one would have chosen a descriptor that was longer and more sweary.

"That's a way of putting it. I guess. I don't think they had any concept of being a….child. Neither did I to be honest. I think the only real 'childish' thing I ever yearned for was a teddy bear, and the only way they liked me being childish was if it was a cover story…"

_She knocked on the door and waited patiently. It was a large, imposing door, and although she thought it was scary, it didn't really occur to her that this is what she was actually feeling. Instead, she was just bored, and pretty damn annoyed at having to make the deliveries. She wanted to carry out actual assignments. Her father had already said she was more than capable, but her mother had insisted she needed to see 'all levels' of life. So, here she was, dragging around crates of what were quite clearly drugs (they stank, for one thing). Some of them, she had helped synthesise, in the lab with her uncle and father._

_Eventually, the door opened. _

"_Ah, is that the delivery?" he said, looking bored. _

"_Yes, sir." Hitsugi replied, mirroring his bored look. "You need to sign this." She held out the piece of paper, just like she had been taught. The man smiled._

"_As expected of a Kirigaya. Not content with taking anyone's word for things. But hey, we're all con artists, so sure." The paper was shoved in her hands, the door slammed, and Hitsugi was alone. Shrugging, she turned and walked the long journey home, talking the lonelier paths and alleyways so she wouldn't be seen, or caught. It was dark when she arrived, and nobody was waiting for her at the door. This didn't bother her. Instead, she slipped her shoes off and went straight to the dining room, where she knew her parents would be eating. _

"_The assignment is completed." She said, simply. Her mother looked up._

"_Ah, that was quick. You're going from strength to strength, aren't you?" her voice was oddly affectionate, a rarity that stunned Hitsugi. But she craved that affection, and so she pushed away the surprise._

"_Yes, mother." She said, gratefully. _

"_See, Minori. You'll have to allow her to accompany me overseas next time. Having my seven year old daughter accompany me will be the perfect cover." _

"_Hmm, I suppose so. Take a seat, Hitsugi. Your food will be here soon." Her mother rang a bell, and Hitsugi sat down. As promised, the food arrived, carried by a browbeaten worker who made her escape as soon as possible. Hitsugi waited for her father to indicate she could begin eating. He did so with a hand gesture, and she began gratefully, not having realised just how hungry she was. _

"_So, Hitsugi. I think you deserve a reward. Like your mother said, you've done impressively well, and it would be unfair for us to not acknowledge this. So, what would you like?"_

_Hitsugi knew what she wanted, and didn't hesitate. _

"_A teddy bear, please!"_

_Her parents exchanged glances. _

"_A toy? Are you sure?" _

_Hitsugi nodded hard, wondering if they were going to say no. They probably would, as she wasn't allowed toys. She waited, breath held, to see what they would say. _

"So, what did they say?" Chitaru asked. The story had clearly made her sadder than the previous one, and Hitsugi had a feeling she knew why.

"Well…I eventually managed to persuade them, on the basis that I wouldn't attract suspicion carrying a bear as opposed to crates or boxes. Reinforced by being a midget. "Hitsugi laughed, but even to her ears the sound felt flat, and she sobered up quickly.

Chitaru looked at her sadly, and then drew her close. And Hitsugi allowed herself to cry. Just a little bit, but it was something.

**…**

The next morning, Hitsugi woke up feeling happy, and light, and hummed as she went about her daily morning routine. She felt unburdened, and this was something she felt was the key to really starting a new life. But when she was changing, and glimpsed the scars criss-crossing her back and legs, she knew that the unburdening she had done last night was not enough. The letter she'd left in Chitaru's room was proof of that.

_There are things I haven't told you yet, and I'm not sure you'll ever hear them from my lips, because it hurts too much to talk about. I bear the physical scars, too. So, I'll let this piece of paper tell you on my behalf, instead…_

**Cliffhanger, so to speak :) !The next chapter will pretty much just be the rest of the letter though, so the cliffhanger will be resolved.**


	17. Being a Kirigaya, part 4

…_and I hope you won't think any less of me because of it (I don't think you will, because I feel I know you well enough and deeply enough to know you don't judge- you're the embodiment of a good person, more than I could have ever hoped for when I broke all ties and came here. But I'm digressing, despite this just being a bracket)._

_So. By the time you've read this, I've already told you that I came from a long line of criminals specialising in organised crime who are very much proud of that heritage (although at the time, that was inadvertent, because of Suzu-san's family link), and I told you I left Aomori to escape my family and be properly independent. Since that time you came to rescue me, I might have told you more. About how I was also proud of my heritage, and even actively helped my parents, until I grew up and decided enough was enough. _

_I've also probably told you that it took a long time for me to get my plan into place and actually cut off all ties-nearly seven years, if you recall (assuming I did tell you). But although that is technically right, it is also technically a lie. The truth is, it was only about four years. The three before that, I was in hospital, in a coma. The reason? My boyfriend at the time. And possibly some of his friends. Of course, he is an ex, not just in relationship but in existence. I don't want to talk to him, ever. _

_His name was Natsuki. A nice name, that. It's a name that makes me happy hearing it, but it didn't suit him, because he was a bit of a thug. When what I am about to tell you happened, I'd been with him for about three months. It was more obligation than anything else, because I was finally growing up and realising that, you know, there was more of the world than just what I had grown up doing. I mean, I had an inkling of this already, but it had taken the maturity process for me to stop denying it. But I didn't want to be completely cut off from the family. The consequences were too much. We weren't killed off (as evident by the fact I am alive to write this), but we were pretty much disowned, and contacting the others ever again- not going to happen. It seems like such a small thing when written down, but living it is another matter completely. If my relative Usagi-san was alive, she would have probably said as much. So I was hesitant. I just went through my law-breaking life while I quietly looked into what else could be there for me. _

_And then I became pregnant._

_You were a mother once (actually, I think you still are), so I think you know what I am going to say-that when I realised that, I knew that it wasn't just me that I was responsible for, it was the life of someone who didn't have a choice in what happened. Whatever happened to that child, that was my responsibility, you know? And I made the decision that whatever happened, she would have as much choice as possible- I would leave, no matter what that entailed. Then my child could be whoever they wanted. She'd have as many toys as she wanted, just because (remember _that _story?). So my simple research became proper, concrete plans. The only thing is, you can't hide a growing belly. So of course, Natsuki had to know. And to say he wasn't happy with the fact I would be leaving…that's an understatement. He was already possessive before, but it got worse. But I was stubborn, and used to disguising what I felt or thought, so as the child grew, so did my plans. Of course, so did Natsuki's rage. _

_And here comes the difficult bit. I don't know how else to dress it up, partially because my memories become hazy at this point, and partially because it is just horrible. But, what it comes down to is, I was kidnapped. By Natsuki. In ordinary circumstances, if someone had grabbed me from behind I would have finished them, no hesitation. But my life wasn't the only one at stake, and my agility was…compromised. So I was powerless, and then I was knocked out. I don't know where he took me, but I have flashes of him telling me that hopefully this would make me realise I was fine where I was. He didn't try to kill me- I think he was excited about the idea of a heir. But he kept me there, wouldn't let me walk, or anything. I think it was an extreme form of domestic abuse, except we'd never even had a chance to live together, until that point, if such a thing was called 'living'. I was just there, in that room, drifting in and out of sleep while eating occasionally and watching the baby grow in my belly. At least, that's what I remember. All of it is hazy, and that's because of the final blow-which happened when I finally decided to fight back for my little girl. And of course, I remember nothing of what happened in those final few days except that I woke up- only to find myself in a hospital three years later, with no baby and an excruciating pain in…well, you know. Somehow, I feel embarrassed talking about explicit details I don't even remember, even in writing. But anyway, I had clearly given birth before passing out from injuries bad enough to keep me in a coma. When I asked where my baby was, they told me that she had died, but I never saw the body. Instead, I concentrated on healing, and then getting the hell away from Aomori and my family. Even though my plight had gotten some media attention, my parents made the entire issue disappear, then let me go without too much fuss. Natsuki was dealt with accordingly. It's the only good thing they've ever done for me. And then, I found my way to Myojo City, the place I'd been planning to go all along (I'd heard it was a wonderful place and now I can see it sure lives up to all that hype). Eventually, that led me to you. And that's it, really. _

_No, no it isn't. I just wanted to say that I'd felt all along that my baby was a little girl. In my head, I called her Chiasa; because that was the closest I'd get to giving her a long life. Chiasa Kirigaya. She would have been a similar age to your girls, maybe older, or younger by a few months. Perhaps if things had gone to plan and I had escaped with her as a baby, she might have made friends with your girls. And everything would be different. But I don't know for sure, and it pains me that I can't remember. But her name would have been Chiasa. You're the first person I've told about that. And now, that is all. Make of it what you will._

_With love, _

_Hitsugi. _


	18. Shopping Trip

Chitaru stepped back after arranging the flowers, and regarded them.

"What do you think?" Chitaru asked Suzu, who was also looking at the flowers, no doubt entranced by the contrast of the colours against the grey. There was nobody else visiting loved ones at that time, and so apart from their words, the wind and the city noises in the background, the cemetery was silent.

"I'm sure they'd like any flowers. And they'd be happy we're here." Suzu said, pulling her coat tightly around herself and leaning slightly on Chitaru for support.

"Hmm." They stood in silence for a moment, simply allowing themselves to recall the memories they had-some shared, some separate. For a moment, it felt as if the children were with them, living, and breathing. But as much as Chitaru would have loved to believe in that, she couldn't. Because if they were alive, none of them would be standing in this sad place like this.

_None of the things that have happened would have happened. _She thought. It was a somewhat unwelcome thought.

"It's the worst thing, having a child who died before you did. " Suzu broke the silence. "I think that's why Hitsugi-Chan was drawn to you, at least in part."

"Probably." Chitaru conceded. "But I can't help wondering if it is worse losing a child you never even got to know, or getting all that time only for it to be snatched away?"

"It's not a competition, Chitaru-Chan." Suzu gently scolded. "Grief is grief. That's all."

"Yeah, I know…" Chitaru twirled a lock of hair around her finger absently, feeling chastised.

"Hey, Suzu-san. Maybe I should bring Hitsugi here. To meet Sachika and Mami. What do you think?"

Suzu responded with a genuinely happy smile.

"That sounds good. Perhaps it will give her closure, of a kind." The smile shifted almost imperceptibly, and Chitaru noticed instantly.

"What? What are you actually thinking? Is there something you know that I don't?"

Suzu tilted her head and regarded the confused-looking Chitaru.

"No. I wouldn't say that. It's more like I've considered a possibility that has yet to cross your mind."

Chitaru just stared blankly at Suzu, and then laughed, the sound echoing in the empty cemetery.

"I'm not going to bother figuring out that one just yet. Why don't we go pay a visit to your family members now?"

"That's a splendid idea. "

**…**

"I'm taking you shopping on Saturday."

"Er…what?" Chitaru was busy dealing with work emails on her laptop, sitting at her dressing table because she didn't want to bother with using her actual desk, and so she wasn't really paying attention to what Inukai was saying. To her detriment, as it turned out.

"I. Am. Taking. You. Shopping. On. Saturday." Inukai enunciated. "Okay? It's a done deal."

Chitaru rolled her eyes.

"And who decided that, exactly?"

"I did. I did say I was going to take you on a shopping spree at some point. Also, no offence, but you need new clothes. You don't need to look like you're in mourning anymore. "

"That's harsh, Inukai." But Chitaru was laughing even as she said that. She wouldn't want Inukai to change, not for the world. The no-nonsense, somewhat selfish attitude was refreshing.

"Oh, and you can bring along Hitsugi. If you want." Inukai said, as if it was an afterthought. Chitaru blinked, surprised. She hadn't initially thought about doing that, since she'd assumed it would be just the two of them, and maybe Azuma as well (assuming she could be persuaded). But once she had thought about it, she decided that it made sense.

"Okay then. "

"Good. Now, you can go back to your clicking." Inukai said, clearly pleased. Chitaru laughed again, and then, after saying goodbye, hung up. Then, she got back to her emails.

**…**

In the end Inukai's prescribed 'shopping spree' consisted of Inukai, Chitaru, Hitsugi, Mika, Haru(in place of Azuma) and (somewhat surprisingly) Takechi.

"We're going to have lots of fun, right, Haru-chii?" Takechi said cheerfully, slinging an arm around her adoptive niece, who smiled sunnily.

"Of course we are! Isuke-san, what shop are we going to first?" she asked, looking around all the shops. Chitaru was wondering the same thing herself.

"That one." Inukai pointed to a shop and started walking, clearly expecting everyone to follow.

"Hey, Inukai, this is NOT how we have a girl's day out! We're meant to be together!" Mika protested as they caught up and entered the shop, which was just like any other clothes shop, as far as Chitaru was concerned. But even she got swept up in Isuke bossily trying to sort out everyone's fashion tastes, Haru's gleeful enthusiasm and Takechi's cheekiness. They spent a boisterous couple of hours wandering in and out of shops, looking at clothes and other items, and even buying some. Then, they paused the spree to have lunch, and they chatted. Mika and Inukai filled Chitaru in on various bits of work gossip, while Haru talked about school and Hitsugi and Chitaru interjected with anecdotes of their own lives. Takechi kept things fresh by spontaneously changing the topic when she felt like it. It was a lot of fun, and Chitaru felt her initial doubts about the outing disappear and fade into nothing.

"So," Haru said when they had all finished eating. "I've already bought a dress to wear to the party, but I still need to find Nio a present." She was referring to the birthday of her best friend, which was around the corner.

"You need shoes, too." Takechi pointed out, mimicking Inukai in such a way they all knew she was just teasing. Inukai showed her the finger, and Haru pretend-scolded her.

"I don't, really. I just need to find something for Nio."

"Why don't we make that the objective then? The rest of the time we're here, we'll help you." Hitsugi said, decisively. Chitaru nodded her agreement.

"Really? Truly? Thank you!" Haru hugged Hitsugi, who looked a little taken aback but very, very pleased with herself.

"Well, as long as y'all don't berate me if I find more good clothes or make-up along the way." Inukai declared. Everyone sighed, deciding it was wise to not respond directly to that, and they started the hunt for the birthday present. Despite Inukai's words, she was less trouble than Takechi, who was prone to distraction over all the shiny new items, but they managed to take it in their stride (despite Haru's constant mock-scolding). Eventually, Haru found a toyshop and decided that she would get a stuffed toy for Nio, as she apparently had a large collection of them, and so they browsed for a while. Chitaru remembered the store, as she had been in there a couple of times to get birthday presents for Sachika and Mami. In fact, she was sure that some of the toys that were still on their beds were from that very store, and so she spent most of the time day dreaming and wallowing in nostalgia. Glancing over at Hitsugi, she could see that she felt similarly, expect she was probably a little star-struck, especially at the wide range of bears. Chitaru didn't blame her.

"I've picked something!" Haru finally announced, holding up a giant fluffy duck. It had a wide ribbon around its neck.

"Wow, that's a bit large. Will Nio even have space for it?" Chitaru asked. Haru shrugged.

"She'll make space for it."

"I see…" Chitaru said, imagining the image. Mika laughed.

"Yeah, I was exactly the same as a kid…except that was with dolls, not cute adorable things. I have no idea what was wrong with me, haha!"

"I still have some dolls!" Haru exclaimed. "But I was thinking of giving them away…"

"I know a little girl who might like them." Chitaru said, thinking of Sumireko. Even though the girl was from a rich family, she wasn't snobby. Neither was her mother, for that matter. She knew they'd accept a gift simply because it was a gift.

"Oh, cool. Anyway, I better go pay. " Haru went off to the till, picking up a pair of smaller matching toy ducks on the way. Inukai, Mika and Takechi went to wait outside, but Chitaru wanted to browse the toys for just a little longer.

"Hey, Chitaru-san, I'm going to wait outside too." Hitsugi said, coming up to Chitaru.

"Oh, okay." She was a little surprised, but let it go. But when she saw Hitsugi give one longing glance to the teddy bears, Chitaru had a feeling she understood why Hitsugi was removing herself from the shop. So, as soon as she was gone she headed over to the section, and after some thought, picked up a bear and joined the queue, which was shorter.

"Oh, Chitaru-san!" Haru said, finishing her purchase. "You're buying something?"

"Shh." Chitaru smiled and winked. Haru grinned conspiratorially and nodded, leaving the store. When Chitaru managed to reach the front of the queue and pay for the teddy bear, she did too.

"Ah, finally!" Mika said, sighing in relief. Inukai just rolled her eyes.

"What do you need a soft toy for?" she asked.

"Ah, I wasn't that long. And it isn't for me." She explained. "It's for you, Hitsugi."

"For me?"

"Yup." Feeling bashful, Chitaru blushed as she handed the bag to Hitsugi, who put her other bags down so she could take it. Hitsugi took the bag, and peered into it, looking at the soft light blue bear for a long time.

"It's a teddy bear. And that's all it needs to be." Chitaru said, referencing one of Hitsugi's more memorable childhood stories. Hitsugi nodded, still looking into the bag. Then, she looked up, and smiled a huge, happy smile, conveying all her gratitude without saying a word. To Chitaru's eyes, the smile was how she imagined Hitsugi as a child would have been….if she had been allowed to be a child. It was a lovely thought.

And then the image of Hitsugi's childhood smile morphed into something similar. The smiles of Sachika and Mami. And the more her thoughts and memories flitted between the three, the harder they were to distinguish.

_I…don't get it. Why the association? Why now?_

"Chitaru-san!"

"Chitaru-san, are you okay?"

"Oi, Namatame!"

Chitaru blinked, and looked at Hitsugi and her friends.

"Hey, you looked like you were about to faint!" Mika scolded. Behind her, Haru looked worried, as did Hitsugi.

"I…I'm fine." Chitaru lied, although she was physically steady now, so her words did have some truth. "I'm probably a little tired."

"Then, we must have ICE-CREAM!" Takechi declared, clearly joking.

"In this weather?" Mika demanded.

"We're indoors!" Takechi protested.

"I like the sound of ice-cream. " Chitaru said quietly.

"Then let's do ice-cream!" Haru said. After a little more squabbling, that's what they decided to do.

As they walked, Hitsugi quietly reached out for Chitaru's hand, and without thinking about it, she gripped. But all the time, she couldn't help but wonder why her mind had suddenly made that association.

Or what it meant.


	19. Clearout

A week after the shopping spree, Chitaru decided it was time to clear out her daughters' room. For so long, it had been serving as a large shrine to them, but it also had the effect of fooling her into thinking that they were still there. As a consequence, she kept hurting herself mentally every time she passed the room, and she'd had enough. When she told Suzu of her intentions, she had instantly offered to come and help, and when she'd asked her friends for assistance, Azuma decided that she was due a day off, and came along too.

"What will this room become?" Azuma asked as they worked to empty the room of all the little-girl clutter it held.

Chitaru didn't have an answer to that. She already had a study. Two spare rooms just served as storage spaces, while the others were just there used to accommodate the rare guests she had (The time she remembered the most was when Haru had turned twelve and had wanted a sleepover-she had given Azuma a break by allowing the girls to use her house. Sachika and Mami had loved all the attention they had got from the 'big girls', and it had been a task to get them to go to bed). So she didn't answer, and the topic wasn't brought up. Instead, they spent the morning sorting out items.

There were some things she knew she would keep. The very best of their drawings. Their favourite teddies. All the bits and bobs Mami had filched from Suzu, and Sachika's skipping rope. Perhaps an outfit, or two. The rest, she would give away, whether that was to someone else personally, or to charity.

"Oh, I was wondering where this was!" Suzu exclaimed, pulling an old parasol out of Mami's toy box. She opened it out, showing the pattern in all its glory.

"When did that even….? Sorry about that, Suzu-san."

"Ah, ah, no worries, really. It's all in the past now. " Chitaru noticed Azuma turn from where she was folding clothes at that, but as someone who had grown up with Suzu, her occasional bluntness didn't bother her. Or at least, it didn't feel blunt to her.

"That's certainly true." She said as a way of letting Azuma know this. Satisfied, Azuma returned to the clothes.

By the time they were getting hungry, most of Sachika and Mami's things were boxed up and ready to be taken to places. But there was still enough left to do that Suzu suggested they should all have a lunch break. But there was a sense of wanting to get things over with, and so that break didn't last long before they were all upstairs again.

"Chitaru-Chan, why is it that Hitsugi-Chan isn't here with you doing this?" Suzu asked, sounding just a touch disapproving. Even Azuma seemed curious.

"She has work today. She's still saving up."

It was the simple answer, but not a complete one by any means. The truth was that she thought that it wouldn't be fair on Hitsugi, asking her to sift through memories when she had none of her own to compare them with. She didn't expect anyone else to get that though-although she had shared some of Hitsugi's family history with her nearest and dearest, everything in the letter Hitsugi had written remained their secret. It probably would continue to do so.

"Ahhh. This is something to do with the two of you." Suzu sounded relieved. "And I think I've finished over here." She added, standing up carefully.

"Ah, that's good. When we're finished, we'll take the boxes downstairs, okay? Do you mind waiting?"

"I do mind, actually. Why should I wait when I can use the time to help you?"

"That's a good point. "

"Should I do the bed sheets for you, then?"

Chitaru looked at the beds where her daughters had slept. Save for the bed and pillow covers, there were no traces of the girls. She rubbed her eyes.

"Please, Suzu-san."

Suzu simply gave her a sad smile, and then obliged, before coming back to help them with the boxes. Soon after, they had finished, and Suzu took some of the boxes to the spare room Chitaru used as storage, while Azuma and Chitaru took on the more backbreaking job of bringing the rest to her car.

"If you don't mind, I'm rather tired. So I think I'll sit this bit out." Suzu said when they all met again at the front door.

Azuma shrugged.

"That's fine, isn't it, Namatame?"

"Yup." She agreed. "I'll catch up with you later, Suzu-san."

"Of course."

Once they had seen Suzu safely home, Chitaru drove them to various charity shops. They had decided that it would be better to go to different shops to drop off things, rather than risk intrusive questions by dropping off everything in one place.

"Thank you for the other day, by the way." Azuma said after they had driven from the fifth shop. They had mostly been silent over the journey, and so it surprised Chitaru.

"What do you mean?"

"Inukai's shopping trip?" Azuma sounded incredulous at the idea Chitaru could have forgotten. She hadn't, it just hadn't been on her mind at that moment.

"You mean because I let Haru and Takechi come?" glancing at Azuma confirmed this was the case. "It was fine, honestly. It was a good girls' day out."

"Hmm….you need to come back to work full time. "

"I know. I miss the routine. But not yet."

"After the first anniversary." Azuma stated, although it sounded more like a question.

"Yeah. After the first anniversary. But it's only a couple of months away."

"Good. Then hopefully you can rein in Inukai for me. Ever since she got together with Inoue, she's been even more insufferable. Plus, didn't she tell you that Mayuri quit? The Sagae girl's filling in her shifts for now, but we don't know how long that'll last for. "

Chitaru spluttered at the first bit of news. She'd already heard about Fuyuka through the grape-vine, but Inukai's relationship status hadn't been something she'd heard about recently.

"Inukai's back with Inoue? _Again_? Isn't that the third time in the last year?"

"Unfortunately." Chitaru could practically hear Azuma's eye-roll. She shook her head slightly and grinned.

"And Inukai never breathed a word… anyway, we're here."

**…**

When she got home and trudged upstairs to change, she discovered that she'd left the nameplate on their room door.

"Sacchan and Macchan live here!" the hand-decorated plate proclaimed. They'd made it at kindergarten, Chitaru remembered.

"_Are you sure you don't want your own rooms?"_

"_Don't be silly, Mama!" they said, looking at her as if she was insane. Which she probably was. Even though they were clearly individuals, they were still sisters. It was why she didn't have a problem with them being in the same groups in kindergarten, and wouldn't have issues with them being in the same classes at school. Why would she worry about their rooms?_

"_You're right, I am being silly. Don't worry, you can keep sharing."_

"_YAY!"_

Chitaru reached to take the nameplate down, then changed her mind. It wasn't significant, and she could deal with it later. She had already taken the hard step, after all.

_You can't do things half-heartedly. _So she changed her mind again, and took down the nameplate, holding it in her hand and deciding she could keep it in her room, or hang it in her study.

As she turned to go back to her room, she stepped on a business card. Picking it up, she realised it must have fallen from her pocket at some point, and neither her, Azuma or Suzu had noticed. It turned out to be the business card she had been given when she had been at Myojo Third.

"Shiena Kenmochi, Cold Case Division, Myojo Third Police Station…" she read. Well, that explained the concerns about boredom the woman had displayed. Cold cases were notoriously hard to solve, and often required combinations of intuition, persistence, curiosity, coincidences and good luck. This was why the four police stations of Myojo had two cold case investigators to share between them, rather than one each. She had never even met the Cold Case Department that Myojo First and Myojo Second shared. Regardless, it would be nice to meet Kenmochi, introduce herself properly and have a chat.

_That, and you know you have a special interest in one particular cold case…_A little voice in her head said, snarkily.

She ignored it, and quickly went into her study to put the business card somewhere safe. She would call the number on the business card later, after dinner, maybe. But now, she was going to change, and then she would catch up with Hitsugi and see how her day had been.

_My 'new' normal life is returning. _


	20. You Didn't Win

"_Sure, of course you can come!I'd be happy to put up with you."_

Being dragged through the corridors of Myojo Third Police Station by the one and only member of their Cold Case Department suggested to Chitaru that these words were more than an understatement. She found herself struggling to keep up and was really glad when they finally got to Kenmochi's office.

"Sorry about that. This place is awful, I swear. Is Myojo First like this?" Kenmochi flopped down on her chair, and peered at her computer. She adjusted her glasses, clicked at the mouse a few times, and then glanced at Chitaru. "Sit down, please. I intend to make the most of having a guest."

Chitaru obliged, and sat down on an old looking blue armchair, once she had moved a thick volume of Shakespeare plays out of the way.

"I don't really get lost at Myojo First." She replied, simply. Kenmochi just laughed, which for some reason made Chitaru feel at ease with her. She looked around the small room, eyes wide at the sheer number of books everywhere. She also noted the pin-board, which was currently empty.

"Ah, do you want to explain how I use that board to help me? I'm guessing you don't have much contact with us rare Cold-Casers. "Kenmochi said, turning her computer screen off when she noticed Chitaru's interest.

"Sure." Chitaru decided that for the moment, it was best not to mention her own personal interest in cold cases. Or rather, given the suspicions she'd had lately, her interest_s_, in plural. Kenmochi seemed solid, but she still didn't know much about the woman. So for the next half an hour, Kenmochi told her in detail about how a cold case could get reopened, what her role was in doing that, and how she liaised with the different departments depending on what they did. There was also a lot of complaining about how Cold-Casers, as she referred to them, never got any credit. It was actually quite amusing.

"So, Namatame-san," Kenmochi said after pausing for breath. "Tell me about your job. It's a bit on the fringes, isn't it?"

"It's…an environment I usually enjoy." She said, face palming as soon as she did.

_Hell, why'd I say 'usually' for? Sachika and Mami's deaths haven't got anything to do with the job. _

Of course, it was too late. Kenmochi was looking at her curiously.

"I thought Myojo First was really good? Chief Kaiba is famous for his work ethic and intelligence. And his big mouth…" Kenmochi grimaced but returned to seriousness. "Is that all lies?"

"No, no. It's erm….personal issues. Infact, I've been off work for almost a year. I'm going back in a few weeks though, once I've finalised everything with the lady who's taken my place. Ritsu Yamane."

Kenmochi shook her head.

"I don't recognise the name…but do you want to talk about it? What happened?"

Chitaru shrugged.

"It's not really a secret…." And then she found herself explaining everything that had happened. In general terms for sure, but all the same, she explained things. Kenmochi nodded seriously and listened deeply, occasionally interrupting when she found something interesting or surprising. Like most people, she hadn't made the connection between the names in the newspapers and Chitaru's own, and was shocked at the connection. But to her credit, Kenmochi shrugged it off. Chitaru was impressed by that, but she supposed that so called 'plot-twists' were part and parcel of investigating the things she did.

_She'd certainly fit in well at Myojo First, especially with my lot. _

Once they had stopped talking about her personal life, Chitaru said as much. Kenmochi's eyes widened and she grinned like a little girl. Naturally, it reminded her of her own daughters, but not in that visceral, painful way that Hitsugi had.

"I'll put in a word for you when I return to work. Maybe the Cold Case department could use more budget. "

"That would be amazing!" Kenmochi gushed. Then she lowered her voice to a dramatic whisper. "I can escape Officer Yasuda's clutches, at last!"

Chitaru laughed. She could sympathise.

"Is he bigoted to all types of people, or just those from criminal families?"

Kenmochi thought.

"Well, he does seem to think that disabled people are a waste of resources-bullcrap, that is, by the way. My sister's autistic and she's the best thing that's happened to the world, I reckon. But yeah, he seems to believe that apples really don't fall far from their trees, so he just condemns people based on their history. Why-ohhh? Oh crap." Kenmochi's change in tone indicated that she had clocked something, and suddenly, she leaned forward to peer at Chitaru.

"Which family was your girl from? You know, that day?" she asked dramatically.

Chitaru opened her mouth, and then hesitated. Cold Case or not, that wasn't her confidence to break.

_But you could get some answers. Find out whether your suspicions have any weight to them. Get closure. _The little voice in her head taunted her, and she sighed and closed her eyes.

"Kirigaya." She said. If Kenmochi was any good, she could find out more from that. She couldn't divulge anymore. And sure enough, Kenmochi recognised the name.

"Oh, that's a bad one. They've got fingers in all sorts of pies from what I know. That, and I think Officer Yasuda hails from where they're based-Aomori, if I remember correctly? No, no, don't tell me! I can find it!" And sure enough, after a flurry of furious typing, she did. Chitaru found herself impressed. They spent a while nosing around databases looking for information, and then just chatted for a while until Chitaru had to leave for an appointment with Ritsu.

When she left, it was with a sheaf of papers carefully tucked into a side pocket of her bag with information on them that could change everything.

**…**

Chitaru made a point of using a different bag when she went to see Hitsugi at her apartment that evening. She didn't particularly want her to find out the things she had dug up with Shiena Kenmochi. Not yet. If it turned out she was making mountains from molehills, she didn't want to be the cause of unnecessary pain.

All that being said, she had no problem with telling Hitsugi about Kenmochi and the job she did, and how she found the whole thing interesting. She also talked about the sheer number of books that Kenmochi seemed to possess. In return, Hitsugi shared stories of a new waitress who had just started working at QUEEN, and how it was strange no longer being the newbie. Normal, easy talk.

After dinner, Hitsugi decided that she wanted to look at more house listings, which she had bookmarked on the internet earlier. So they sat on her bed, the old laptop between them, and looked. Chitaru didn't have anywhere to be the next morning, so it didn't really matter.

"This one looks good…"

"Isn't that a little out of the way for you?"

Hitsugi pouted. "Well, it says there's good access to buses and other public transport, so it should be fine."

"Are you sure about that, Hitsugi?" Chitaru teased.

"Hey!" Hitsugi giggled, mock-punching Chitaru on the shoulder, and then squealing when she was tickled in response.. "I'm not that bad now I'm more used to the area…oh, that one's ni-and out of my price range. Dang it."

"It doesn't matter. " Chitaru adjusted her position so that they were both sitting more comfortably. Look, what about that one?"

"Hmm, oh, let me click on it. Oh, I suppose that could be a possibility. "

And so they went, for a while until Chitaru involuntarily found herself yawning.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Hitsugi apologised. "I didn't mean to monopolise your time."

Chitaru shook her head.

"It's no trouble. Really."

"But all that and I still haven't found anything that seems right."

"You've got possibilities to look at though. On your next day off I could co-" an idea formed suddenly in Chitaru's mind, and she broke off, thinking deeply.

"Chitaru-san?" Hitsugi tilted her head, curiously. Chitaru frowned thoughtfully.

"Actually," she said carefully. "I might have an idea that could preclude you from needing to continue this search…"

Hitsugi looked wide-eyed at her, curious.

"You do?"

"Yeah…." _It's an impulse idea though. But one I want. _

"So, out with it." Hitsugi said, trying to sound stern but ending up smiling as she waited. Chitaru reached out to twirl a lock of Hitsugi's hair gently around her fingers.

"Well…what I was thinking was this-How would you like it if you moved in with me, instead?"

**…**

It turned out all of her things fitted into seven suitcases in total, including the overnight bag. Seven suitcases. When she had managed to finally get to Myojo, that had only been three. Including the overnight bag. The last time she'd had so much stuff was as a little girl in Aomori. The place that she had thought she belonged, back in those days.

But those days didn't exist anymore. She was in Myojo, and it was where she belonged. She was no Kirigaya, and never would be.

_You didn't win. Mother, Father, Natsuki. You didn't win. _

Smiling, she dragged the final suitcase down the stairs of the apartment block and set it down on the ground, looking up at the grey, unforgiving building for one last time. Then, with a big smile, she turned her back on it and walked towards where Chitaru was waiting for her.


	21. One Night, One Morning

On the days they had shifts that ran all the way up to closing time, Hitsugi and her co-workers would pretend that they were customers too, and would eat their dinner at one of the table in between waiting on the actual customers. Said dinner usually consisted of leftovers or meals that had been returned to the kitchen for whatever reason, and to avoid complaints they had to pick a table that was hidden in a corner most of the time, but it was a fun custom.

Today, there were just four of them working late- Hitsugi, Mitsuyama, Yukiko and the new girl, Hana. Hana was barely 18, and was saving up money for two reasons- so that she could enrol on a catering course when she left high-school, and so that she could marry and move in with her high-school sweetheart once they'd both come of age . As such, the older ones were heaping all their attention on her.

"It's not long until your graduation, right? Are you excited?" Hitsugi asked Hana, who thought about it. Then, she nodded.

"School was fun but really, it'll be good to not have to do P.E anymore. That, and Junji and I can spend more time together."

"Aww, that's so cute." Yukiko squealed . "I wanna be young again!"

"In comparison to me, you are." Hitsugi pointed out. "But Mitsuyama makes you old, unfortunately." Yukiko gave her a mock-glare at that, and Mitsuyama punched the air triumphantly before changing the subject.

"So, have you guys thought about a wedding? You know you can't really get married without a wedding!" Mitsuyama went bug eyed, even as he grinned devilishly. Yukiko rolled her eyes, although she couldn't prevent a small smile

"Technically, you can. At a registry office. Ignore him, Hana-Chan, he just wants to get invited."

"It's okay, I know that already." Hana giggled. Hitsugi shook her head in amusement, and then spotted another group of customers coming in.

"Oh, I'll take care of that!" Hitsugi got up and went to direct the customers-who were clearly new to QUEEN- to a table.

For the rest of the night, they alternated their chatting and meals with serving customers right up until closing time, and then helping to clear away. Since they all lived in different parts of the town, they technically went separate ways, but Mitsuyama walked the three girls to their separate bus stops before heading home himself.

Hitsugi stared out of the window almost dreamily. She was looking forward to going home and getting some sleep. But first, she had something to do. Carefully counting the stops in her head, she got off a few stops before, and walked to the house she had been in front of when she had started getting vivid flashbacks of what had happened over seven years ago. She stood, and looked up at it in the dark, and tried to see if she could remember anything else. But as usual, she couldn't remember anything more than the half-blurred memories she already had. So as usual, with a heavy heart, she went back to the busstop, and took another bus home.

It was dark when she got there-given the late hour, Chitaru would have already eaten and gone to bed. And of course, she had left a clingfilm-wrapped plate on the kitchen counter, despite the fact Hitsugi said she wouldn't need it. It was of little consequence though, as Hitsugi could just take it in for lunch, and so she put it in the fridge, and went upstairs to clean up and change.

When she climbed into bed and snuggled up to Chitaru, she fell asleep almost instantly-a deep, peaceful and dreamless sleep. Exactly the way she liked it.

**…**

Even though Chitaru didn't have to be in work until later, she woke up anyway. Hitsugi always took forever to wake up, and she'd quickly worked out that being up and awake doing things helped Hitsugi shake off the sleep that clung to her longer than it did to most people.

_Like Mami._ Clenching her fist, she tried to ignore the thought as she went to the bathroom and brushed her teeth. Instead, while she was in the bathroom, she went through what she would be doing today. A court session, lunch with Hitsugi, four appointments, a consult on an ongoing investigation of Inukai's, and then a quick visit to see Sumireko at the hospital, before a meeting with Kenmochi and two more appointments. A packed, busy and colourful day.

_And it still all comes back to this theory of mine, _she mused as she went through everything she had secretly been pulling together recently. Observations, hunches, and the few facts she had about both Hitsugi's circumstances, and her daughters' origins. Whenever possible (i.e. when Hitsugi wasn't around to figure out what she was doing), she had put all the information together, and now she needed Kenmochi to look at it. Investigations weren't Chitaru's speciality, after all. She just hoped that Kenmochi wouldn't dismiss her out of hand. But that was later, so she didn't need to now.

When she came out of the bathroom, Hitsugi was just leaving the bedroom, rubbing her eyes and looking slightly wobbly, but definitely awake. The fluffy slippers she wore slapped at the floor, making a sound that straddled the line between annoying and comforting.

"Good morning, Chitaru-san."

"'Morning, Hitsugi." Chitaru couldn't help but grin at her girlfriend. Hitsugi blinked and smiled in return, before disappearing into the bathroom.

20 minutes later, they were sitting downstairs and eating cereal, chatting about everything and nothing. Hitsugi also had a cup of very strong coffee, which she sipped at between mouthfuls of cereal. Chitaru watched in amusement as Hitsugi gradually appeared more awake as the coffee levels in her cup disappeared. It reminded her of a certain female cop who was the protagonist of a very interesting crime novel series. Chitaru smirked just thinking about it.

"What's funny?"

"Oh, nothing really." Chitaru teased.

"Noo, tell me!" Hitsugi pouted, reminding her of a sulking Sachika. Once Chitaru had stopped laughing, she told Hitsugi about the book series, and for some reason, that got them both laughing, even as they went back upstairs to wash their mouths.

"I don't even know why any of that was funny!" Hitsugi managed to say at some point. Chitaru chuckled and nodded. They only calmed down when they were near the door. Hitsugi went to open the door, and then looked down at her feet.

"I'm still wearing my slippers." She said incredulously. "I'm wearing my goddamn slippers. What the actual hell? " Chitaru face-palmed and tried to prevent herself from laughing again as Hitsugi went back to her shoes, and swapped her slippers for them. When her proper shoes were on, Hitsugi came back.

"Okay, and now I'm off." She reached up to kiss Chitaru. "See you later. Keep safe."

"Likewise, Hitsugi."

With a smile and a little twirl, Hitsugi opened the door and left the house, and as was habit, Chitaru watched until she reached the end of the road and went out of sight. Then, she went back inside and headed to her study to pull together the things she would need for the day.

**This chapter kinda fell a little flat, I think I'm getting writer's block for this story. But I'll keep the updates coming, don't worry. Anyway, what do you all think of the story so far? What do you think of the AU versions of the characters? Which moments were your favourites? Is there anything you didn't like in the story so far? Any feedback is fine ^^**


	22. I Know So

**Reply to the guest review: Thanks for the feedback. I hadn't realised there'd been too much focus on others, mostly because my aim was to balance their intimate moments with the fact that they have their own fully formed lives. Unfortunately, the way I've got the rest of the story planned, there will be more sections where they spend time with others, but I'll take into account what you said and see what I can weave into the story in terms of their own moments. **

As Chitaru attempted to explain the suspicions she'd had recently, Kenmochi paced around her office . Except that she seemed perfectly relaxed, and often paused to look at the things Chitaru kept in her office. She stopped only at a candid photograph of Sachika and Mami with Suzu, taken the summer before the girls had died.

"This is a nice picture." Kenmochi said, abruptly stopping Chitaru's flow.

"Erm…thank you."

Kenmochi let out a laugh, and turned to Chitaru.

"Relax, I've been listening." She said breezily. "That was one hell of a story. But tell me, and truthfully- why didn't you try searching harder back when the twins were babies?"

"There was an investigation." Chitaru pointed at one of the pile of papers she had printed off. "When they were found, an investigation was run, but it all led to dead ends."

"But you could have dug harder. Somewhere, somehow, there are trails to be found. Or rather, there would have been. It's been almost 8 years; there might not be anything to investigate now."

"I know…" Chitaru sighed, absently looking through the notes about her next appointment. Kenmochi seemed to catch something in the way she said that, for she leaned forward and gave Chitaru a long, long look. If it wasn't for the glasses she wore, her brown eyes would have probably started spouting fire. Or laser beams. Or perhaps even both.

"Oho, I sense ulterior motives." The lasers/ fire became more intense. "Care to share?"

"_Hey, Sachika, Mami, look." She told the babies in the pram. "This is your new home. Our new home." The babies gurgled and laughed as she opened the door and wheeled them in._

Closing her eyes for a brief moment, Chitaru gritted her teeth, but tried to remain calm. Kenmochi seemed to sense this, because she rolled her eyes and stood up.

"Look yeah, you should know as well as I do that in an investigation, you can't keep secrets. And how do you expect me to decide on if I can help you if you don't spill?"

Kenmochi had her there, so Chitaru gave in.

"I guess I didn't want to believe that there could be a possibility of Mami and Sachika being taken from me. I knew, given the circumstances in which they were found, their origins were most likely ones that nobody would wish on anyone. And that was good enough for me. When the adoption finally, finally went through, I decided that was it. They were my daughters, my girls. I didn't want that to change."

Kenmochi pursed her lips and crossed her arms, nodding along.

"If that's the case, why do you want to reopen the investigation right now? Why does it matter? After all, they-" Kenmochi broke off, and then slapped her forehead lightly. "Ooch, that was crass. Sorry."

Truthfully, it still hurt hearing that her daughters were dead-hell, sometimes she had trouble just thinking about it. But it had been a year, more than that, and she didn't want to be mired in past sadnesses forever. So she forced a faint grin on her face.

"It's okay, really. "

Kenmochi regarded her warily. "If you say so…" she leaned back over the desk and picked up the first pile of papers, flicking through them.

"Well, I can poke around files for a while; see what I can bring up. Determine whether there are any leads that'll make this worth following, and then I guess I'll have to go through the official channels."

"No." Chitaru said, panicked.

"No?" Kenmochi echoed, looking confused. "But you just said…."

Silently, Chitaru picked up her other pile of papers, and held them out to Kenmochi. The ones she had written down everything she thought could count as reason for her hunches to be right. Everything from observed traits to the timings of the events she knew of. Had been told of, in confidence. A confidence that she was now going to be violating.

_But for the best, right?_

Kenmochi took the pile, and read through it, brow furrowing. She seemed to get increasingly perplexed as she read through, often skipping back. Chitaru watched her, carefully, trying to gauge her opinions of the matter.

_This has to be for the best. _

"O…kay….then….." Kenmochi muttered, startling Chitaru. She waited. Kenmochi pushed her glasses further up her nose, and let her arms hang by her side, papers still in her hands.

"I think I get why you're all messed up now." Chitaru winced at being described as 'messed-up' but Kenmochi didn't notice as she ploughed on, sounding as if she'd made a breakthrough in a particularly difficult investigation (which, in a way, she had).

"You believe that your current girlfriend, Hitsugi Kirigaya, is the biological mother of your late daughters."

"No, I know so. I'm convinced."

**…**

A few days after Chitaru had told Kenmochi what she had been suspecting for a while now, she did what she had wanted to do for a while- she took Hitsugi with her on one of her visits to Sachika and Mami's graves. But while it had felt like the right thing to do back then, it didn't feel like that now.

_Because in a way, I'm rubbing this all in her face. But she has no idea to what extent I'm doing so._

"I….I wonder what it would've been like." Hitsugi said, after an age of tracing the names on the stone with her finger, over and over. "To have a funeral, for Chiasa. Or something."

"Mhmm." Chitaru couldn't bring herself to say anything more specific. How could she tell Hitsugi that the Chiasa she was talking about probably didn't even exist? At least, not in the sense that she thought.

"I mean, I never even got to seeher body, or anything. They just told me that she was dead, gone. Natsuki would be punished for sure, and then I could leave. Disowned, and the only things I could take with me were the things I earnt, myself, but I was free, at last. And he was punished. Which was fine, but I didn't see her."

Chitaru just squatted down and put a hand on Hitsugi's shoulder. What could she say that would make things better? As if sensing her conflict, Hitsugi turned and gave Chitaru a smile. A watery one, to be sure, but it was Sachika's smile.

"I'm fine, really."

"You sure?"

"Yep. It's a long time ago. And besides, we have each other now."

_Will you feel the same afterwards? When I tell you the truth? _Unable to ask that, Chitaru just rearranged her expression so that she was mirroring Hitsugi's smile.

"Yeah, we have each other now."

**So, I managed another chapter. Since it's starting to move into the 'final' secret/ part of the story, things are getting tense again. Hopefully I've conveyed that tension. Do leave feedback!**


	23. What Do You Know?

Hitsugi was surprised to see Inukai enter QUEEN at lunchtime on a weekday. In actual fact, she was surprised to see Inukai was there at all. She had spent plenty of time with Chitaru's friends at some point or another, and the same applied with her own friends, but even so, seeing Inukai in her place of work, apparently of her own volition.

"Isuke-san, hello. Did you want a table?" Hitsugi said politely, opting to act as if she was just a normal customer, as opposed to the scariest of Chitaru's friends.

"No." Inukai rolled her eyes. "I'm on duty. Does this place do takeaways?"

"Yes, yes it does. Let me get you a menu!" Hitsugi went back to the counter, and Inukai followed, walking in a way that would seem nonchalant if it wasn't for the sound of her high-heels clicking on the floor.

"Here you go!" Hitsugi said, cheerfully, handing Inukai a menu. "Are you ordering for yourself only, or…?"

"We're investigating a homicide the next street over. I offered to do the lunch run." Inukai explained as though the very act of doing so was behind her. Hitsugi laughed nervously. She didn't really want to ask why Inukai was doing the lunch run if that was the case. Inukai narrowed her eyes at Hitsugi for a moment, and then studied the menu before rattling off her orders at an amazing speed.

Once Hitsugi passed the orders along, Inukai took a seat at the bar, and stared at Hitsugi. It reminded her of the first day that they had met. But there was something different about the way she was staring that gave Hitsugi the shivers. It was as if she was being suspected of something, or as if Inukai was looking deep into her and seeing things that she shouldn't. Like the truth.

_Then go over there and see what she wants, dumbass!_

Checking that she wasn't needed by any other customer, she made her way over to Inukai.

"Isuke-san, is there a reason you yourself came? That is to say, something specific?"

Isuke regarded her, and then smiled, an expression that stretched thinly from ear to ear. It was something clearly designed to be intimidating, but for Hitsugi, it only unsettled her.

"I knew you were a smart one, _Kirigaya_." The way Inukai uttered the family name made it sound like poison, but Hitsugi didn't react. "As it happens, yes, I am here for a reason. There's a thing or two I need to ask you, _Kirigaya_."

"So, ask." Hitsugi challenged. Inukai smirked, and tilted her head, gaze boring into Hitsugi. She twirled a curl of pink hair around her finger, and stared, clearly attempting to scare Hitsugi.

_Bring it on. _She wouldn't give in that easily.

"Have you been to Myojo before?"

"Before what, exactly?" Hitsugi enquired, opting for a sweet demeanour. Inukai blinked.

"Before moving here permanently, of course. So, have you?"

"Nope."

Inukai's eyes sharpened, her mouth set into a hard line.

"You're aware I am a fairly successful detective, right? That means my bullshit detector is pretty fine-tuned, and at the moment, it's flashing red."

Hitsugi felt her defences go up, and she willed herself to remain calm. _I have nothing to hide. _

"Is this an interrogation? Because if so, I would prefer if you showed me some justification for doing this."

Inukai didn't seem bothered, however.

"Let me elaborate- were you hear, say, around 8 years ago? Perhaps a little later than that? You know the birthdate of Chitaru's kids, after all. "

_Chiasa. She knows about my Chiasa. _This time, she couldn't pretend. Inukai had dealt a low blow, and both of them knew it. The only thing was Hitsugi couldn't understand why or how she could have known. Chitaru wouldn't have told Inukai anything, even with years of friendship behind them. Infact, the only other person who'd been told was Suzu, because of the family connecti- _oh, wait._

"Is this something to do with Suzu-san? Is she okay?" A lame question, given that they saw each other a lot, but it was enough to finally make Inukai twitch, just a little. It was a satisfying moment, but she managed to squash that feeling, at least.

"Now, what would make you wonder that?"

"Ohh, you know, the unexpected family connection from way back. I'm sure Chitaru-san must've told you."

"Yes, actually." Inukai pursed her lips, and said nothing for a moment. At the same time, a young couple arrived in the restaurant, while the chef called out to one of them, stating that Inukai's orders were ready. Smiling, but without a word, Hitsugi ran to get them while signalling at Hana to seat the new customers.

"Here you go." She said, sweetly. Inukai glared, and then took the orders. She left a few bills at the bar, and then strode away, high-heels clicking harshly. Hitsugi could only smile weakly at her disappearing form.

_What was all that about?_

**…**

That night, Hitsugi took another detour to the house that kept tugging at her. Looking up at it, she hoped that something would fall into place. Inukai's abrasive yet enigmatic attitude told Hitsugi that she probably knew more than she was letting on. Which was fair, because she was hiding a lot…but that was because it wasn't anyone's business. Those who needed to know, knew. Inukai wasn't one of those people.

So she needed to know more, more about those blurry, horrible days which had ended with her in a coma and her daughter dead. But coming here night after night had done nothing, nothing at all. She needed to do something more.

_I need to get inside. _

**…**

Two weeks later, and she was still preoccupied by how to break into the old house. Obviously, she knew how to break and enter places, but she hadn't needed to do such a thing for a long, long time. That, and she had a life now. Friends, places to be, a home where there was someone she loved waiting for her. Family. So doing what had once been natural was now a difficult thing, to be pondered over and over.

And she was doing just that, even as she walked from the bus stop to work. She was thinking about it so much that she almost didn't notice Chitaru standing outside a charity shop, talking to another woman. But when she did, her instinct was to step back and hide in a side road. On that same instinct, she took out her phone and pretended to be busily checking and sending text messages, while trying to eavesdrop.

" I need a favour." She head Chitaru's voice say from in amongst the noise of people going about their lives. Curious, she stepped forward a little, and tried to peer at the other person. To Hitsugi's astonishment, she recognised the face. Rikako Hanabusa, second wife to Satoru Hanabusa. The Hanabusas were one of the richest families in Myojo, and possibly beyond that. What was Rikako Hanabusa-Hitsugi slapped her forehead as she remembered the Hanabusa's little girl had been in the same class as Sachika and Mami, and that Chitaru had befriended said girl. So it was entirely probable that their meeting was something to do with that. And the fact that Chitaru had left for work early that morning? Well, she could have easily used time between appointments to talk to Rikako Hanabusa.

With a sigh of relief, Hitsugi left the side road and continued on her way to work, making sure that Chitaru didn't spot her( for it would be embarrassing if she did). But even as she tried to tell herself that everything was just fine, she couldn't quite manage it.

"_I need a favour. "_

_What favour?_


	24. Vacumn

Alone in her office, she turned the envelope over in her hands, and then did so again. Although there was only one sheet of paper in that envelope, it felt impossibly heavy.

Turning it over again, she began to open the envelope. And then stopped. She wasn't ready for this. So, she crossed over to her filing cabinet, hid the envelope deep within folders she wouldn't need to look at for a long time, and then went to her desk to prepare for her next client.

**…**

"This is almost like how it was when we first started talking to each other." Hitsugi observed at lunchtime, when the two of them sat on the courthouse steps, eating from their bento boxes and observing life rushing past them. Chitaru smiled at her.

"Yes, it is. " she agreed, thinking of those times so long ago, when her world had been entirely about seeing that the killer of her daughters (and so many other little children) got what he deserved.

" Only almost, though." She added. Hitsugi nodded, and swallowed her mouthful of food.

"Because things are a lot different now." She agreed, looking wistful for a moment. A lot had happened in just over a year, after all. But just as quickly as the look had come, it disappeared, being replaced with the smile Chitaru knew so well. Things were a lot different.

"Mhm, they are." Chitaru looked at Hitsugi, thinking of how she could have never dreamed that the impulse decision to start a conversation would spark something that resulted in surprising happiness. How Hitsugi had given her a new kind of life, a good reason to keep going. Naturally, she ignored the thought that what she'd found could come tumbling down depending on what that envelope held.

Hitsugi used her chopsticks to pick up a piece of takoyaki from her bento box and held it out, distracting Chitaru. "Open wide now." Hitsugi said, beaming.

Chitaru obliged, and let Hitsugi feed her. After swallowing, she found a piece of fried chicken hiding underneath her rice, and she fed that to Hitsugi in return, making her go pink. Chitaru chuckled.

For the rest of the lunchtime, they chatted and laughed about all sorts of things, and then went their separate ways.

"So, see you later, Chitaru-san."

"Likewise, Hitsugi."

Simple words, but ones that spoke of what Chitaru wanted to hold on to, more than anything.

**…**

Isuke made Chitaru jump by silently appearing in the doorway of her office as she wrote up the notes from her latest appearance. Isuke was not known for patiently waiting for someone to notice her.

"Inukai." Chitaru greeted neutrally, trying to not let the surprise show on her face. Inukai took the opportunity to stride over and settle herself gracefully on one of the many spare chairs. She didn't speak, just studying Chitaru.

"Erm…..Inukai?"

"Yes?" Inukai said, sounding bored as she studied the few photos that graced Chitaru's desk, gaze resting on one of Hitsugi. She picked it up and fiddled with it before putting it back down.

_You're the one who came in here. _Chitaru thought but didn't say as she waited. She was used to waiting.

"Do…do you think your girlfriend is trustworthy?" Inukai said, hesitantly. Chitaru looked at Inukai curiously. Again, she was being uncharacteristic.

"She'd hardly be what she is to me if that wasn't the case." Chitaru said, laughing. "Why, what's this about?"

"I sort of kind of interrogated her a few weeks ago, at her work place." Inukai said, sheepishly. Before Chitaru could ask her what she meant, Inukai explained how she'd been having suspicions about Hitsugi, and had looked up her family name and what that entailed, as well as having found evidence that something had been covered up regarding Hitsugi's past, specifically something from about 7 or 8 years prior. She then talked about going to QUEEN to pick up lunch during an investigation, although said lunch was merely a pretext to talking to Hitsugi to see what she knew. Naturally, nothing had been gained from that, but Inukai was sure that something was shady.

Chitaru blinked, not sure what to say. Being the only one who really knew about Hitsugi's history (with the exception of Suzu and then Kenmochi), she hadn't expected anyone else to be unduly suspicious. Then she remembered how she had met Kenmochi in the first place, and face-palmed. It wasn't as if they existed in a vacumn, after all. If she could have suspicions and try and confirm them, others could, too.

"What, are you annoyed? " Inukai said, sounding more like herself. Despite indeed being annoyed, Chitaru let out a laugh.

"Think about it, Inukai. "

"Oh, I guess she's told you whatever it is you need to know, huh? Oh well. But what if something really had been off? You wouldn't be concerned about my actions then!"

Chitaru groaned, and took a few moments to think.

"How about we just don't mention this again. Okay? Then we're square." Chitaru looked steadily at Inukai. She could hardly tell Inukai her suspicions after this, or about the envelope that was currently hidden in a filing cabinet.

Finally, Inukai sighed, rubbing her eyes.

"Yeah, fine, whatever." She got up. "If you're sure."

"Of course I am."

Inukai nodded, and then left her office, high-heels clicking so loudly Chitaru had trouble figuring out how she hadn't heard them in the first place. When the sounds of those shoes on the floor faded away completely, Chitaru padded over to her filing cabinet, and located the envelope she'd collected from Rikako earlier that morning. She opened it and skimmed through the report quickly, finding the information she needed.

_I knew it. _

**…**

It was clear night, so after eating and clearing up, when Chitaru suggested they sit outside for a while, Hitsugi agreed. Chitaru had a lot of work to go through, so Hitsugi found a book and they just sat on the porch, enjoying the clear night, side by side. And naturally, she would sneak glances at Chitaru, eyes hidden under her fringe. She remembered her very first impressions of Chitaru-that she was beautiful. She was pleased to realise that those impressions had been accurate.

Smiling at the thought, she turned back to her book, and continued reading. They remained in their comfortable silence a while longer, and then, as if telepathically communicating, they both decided to go inside and get ready for bed.

"Do you want to use the bathroom first, or shall I?" Hitsugi asked.

"I think I'll go first, if you don't mind."

"Nah, truth be told, I want to finish the chapter." Hitsugi said, holding up her book as she perched at the end of their bed. Chitaru shook her head in amazement as she went to the bathroom. By the time she came out, Hitsugi had indeed finished her book.

"You delayed on purpose, didn't you?" Hitsugi asked pointlessly. Chitaru shrugged enigmatically and just turned to get changed. _Silly. _Laughing, Hitsugi went and used the bathroom quickly, having already changed into night clothes as soon as she got home.

"Goodnight, Chitaru-san."

"Goodnight, Hitsugi." Chitaru said in kind, turning off the light. Heads on pillows, spooned together, with the comfortable memories of a calm and normal day to see her off into sleep- all of this should have been enough to send Hitsugi straight into sleep, and normally it would have been. Not so this time. She was too busy thinking about that house, the one she kept being drawn back to. She needed to find a way in, but she didn't want to return to who she was before. And most importantly, she wanted to tell Chitaru but…

"_I need a favour."_

She still didn't know what that had been about. Chitaru had never mentioned anything she'd require Rikako Hanabusa's help on. What favour could be that secret? Perhaps it was important, and perhaps it wasn't, but either way, its very presence meant that she couldn't just spill all to Chitaru, as she'd been brave enough to before. _So what do I do now?_

Eventually, her thoughts exhausted her to the point that she fell asleep eventually anyway. But that sleep was not dreamless.


	25. The Rules to Breaking Through: part 1

In the morning, once she was fully awake, she watched her girlfriend carefully, using her fringe and the last remains of her sleepiness as cover. Her night had not been a good one- generally speaking, having dreams was never a good thing. But she couldn't get the snatches of conversation that Chitaru'd had with Rikako Hanabusa.

_Perhaps this is quid pro quo. I kept secrets for long enough, now it's her turn. _That line of thinking made sense to her, more than she wanted it to. But what else made sense? If it wasn't that. Chitaru would have shared it with her. Now, they shared everything. Well, almost. For obvious reasons, Chitaru never told her anything about her clients- she had oaths to uphold- and so anything she said about work had more to do with her friends there, the weird cases they caught. This Hitsugi was fine with. But the Hanabusa thing, the fact that it had been Chitaru who'd asked for a favour and not the other way around? What sort of favour did Chitaru need that she couldn't go to her own girlfriend about it? Or at least tell her, even if she asked someone like Suzu or Azuma to do it? Naturally, she hadn't a clue. And so she said nothing, and just watched, hoping to glean answers from the way Chitaru moved.

"I thought you only needed to go in this afternoon?" Chitaru said, placing the nth mug of coffee down infront of Hitsugi, all curiosity and concern. Hitsugi rubbed her eyes blearily and picked up the mug. And as she placed it to her lips, she couldn't help but smile. Suspicions aside, she did so love this little, little moments.

"Well, I'm almost awake now." She said. "Almost. And I wanted to see you off." Which wasn't a lie. More like an incomplete truth. But it made Chitaru beam, and again, despite everything she was thinking, that made her happy. So, she finished the coffee, ate some breakfast, and chatted to Chitaru, and then waited on the stairs while Chitaru washed her mouth and grabbed her coat and bag. When she did come down again, Hitsugi met her on the stairs and gave her a good, long kiss.

"Well, that was steamy." Chitaru commented when they pulled away from each other. Hitsugi laughed.

"What better way to see you off?" she asked. Chitaru shook her head wonderingly.

"You may have a point there." She conceded. "I'll see you later. Stay safe."

"You too. Have a good day."

When she was sure Chitaru had left, she waited a few more moments, and then hightailed it upstairs and went to her study, not hesitating at the door. But the small swinging door sign that now served as a wall decoration.

_Sacchan and Macchan live here! _She felt a wave of sadness seeing that. Sachika and Mami didn't live here, not anymore. It had to be hard for Chitaru, even if it had been more than a year. She knew how that went.

_Tamp it down, idiot! _She couldn't get all soft now, not if she wanted answers. Sympathy never got people anywhere. That's what she'd been told before. But _before_ was a time that she'd told herself she'd never listen to again. Going over to Chitaru's chair, she sat and buried her head in her hands. What, exactly, was she doing. Where would she even start? What was she looking for?

She lifted her head, and her eyes fell upon the sign hanging on the wall. That gave her an idea. She crossed over to the shelves full of files, and looked for anything relating to Chitaru's daughters. Expecting it to be filed under one of their names, it took her a while, but soon she found what she needed under 'personal'- one thick folder full to bursting with papers. There were the two birth certificates, a ton of legal things surrounding adoption procedures, various medical records- and autopsy results. That last item made Hitsugi stop for a moment, and she almost gave up. But she steeled herself, and kept looking through the papers. Various things were highlighted, but there were no annotations, so Hitsugi couldn't know what was significant about the highlighted portions.

And then she found the crime scene report that detailed the place Sachika and Mami had been found as babies. This in itself wasn't a surprise, as she knew about this. But what did surprise her was the address of the building. It was highlighted, so she couldn't miss it. Which shouldn't have been too odd- with no annotations, there could be any number of reasons Chitaru had highlighted it. But it was the same building that triggered her memories. The same one she was planning to break into.

_What…what does this mean?_ She wondered, feeling everything go still. And, in the same beat, she thought: _Chiasa_.

She sat for a while, staring at her hands, and then, as if on autopilot, she got up and cleared everything away. Then, she left the room to go to and get ready for work, pushing everything she'd found to the back of her mind. Now was not the time or place.

The room she left behind looked like it had never been there.

**…**

"So…this is the definitive answer. Technically speaking, you didn't even need me." Kenmochi dead-panned as she looked at the results from the DNA test.

"No, that's not true. I needed to know that I had a reason for ordering the test in the first place. Your expertise helped me find that."

"Right…" Kenmochi paced, and then stopped and bug-eyed at Chitaru. "So then, when are you going to tell her?"

"Excuse me, what?" Chitaru's mind went a little bit blank. Kenmochi sighed, and pushed her glasses up her nose.

"Well, you've been doing this on the sly, right? We're the only ones who know about this or whatever? I mean, you even managed to keep this…" Kenmochi waved the sheet of paper. "How did you even hide this, anyway? Did you give the address of the station?"

"No, I had it sent care of someone I know."

"You did?"

"I didn't tell them why, just that it was important it was kept confidential. She kept saying that she owed me a favour, anyway. "

Kenmochi nodded, impressed. She sat down, and looked down at the sheet of paper again, muttering to herself for a moment. Then, she looked up at Chitaru.

"You're still avoiding my question? What now? Are you going to ask me to officially investigate the whys and the hows? "

Chitaru blinked, and felt like an idiot. She'd been so busy trying to make sure she was right while hiding it from Hitsugi that she didn't think of any wider implications. _Am I blind? _It was going to turn their worlds upside down, so she need to make that worse? Did she need to know any more than this, or was it enough that she'd confirmed her suspicions.

She began to inform Kenmochi that no, she didn't want an investigation reopened when all of a sudden, Inukai burst into the room.

"So there was something that was being hidden." Inukai said, looking pleased with herself. "How long have you been organising this….thing for?"

"You were eavesdropping." Chitaru stated bluntly, keeping her face as neutral as possible. Kenmochi just gaped at Inukai silently.

"Nooo, don't be silly." Inukai pouted prettily, her voice taunting both of them. "I just heard a few words here and there, that's all. But because of it, I've had my suspicions confirmed too. Well, it turned out the truth was different to what I was suspecting, but oh well. I have my answers, anyway. Just like you have yours. It's only poor, unlucky Kirigaya who doesn't have a clue."

"Inuk-" Chitaru stuttered.

"So, Namatame." Inukai continued on as if Chitaru hadn't spoken. "What _are _you going to do now?"

**The reason for the chapter will become clear in a few chapters' time. ^^**


	26. The Rules to Breaking Through: part 2

_What are you going to do now?_

"Well, tell her, of course." Chitaru answered, her voice sounding a little stupid to her ears. "What else?"

Inukai smirked. She leaned herself against Chitaru's filing cabinet and then turned to regard both her and Kenmochi again.

"Like Cold Case Geek here said, no investigations? Nothing official-" A light went on in Inukai's eyes suddenly, as if something had occurred to her. "Because for one thing, do you have anything….actual? As opposed to resemblances and coincidences?"

"Erm, you were the one getting all happy that we'd gone and confirmed something for you and-HEY, I'll have you know you wouldn't have been able to close many of your cases without geeks behind the scene!" Kenmochi bared her teeth at Inukai, who did the same, and they immediately started arguing about cop work and forensics. The fact that both of them were well versed in the topics for different reasons didn't help either side.

_Are you for real? _If they weren't having a serious discussion, Chitaru would have laughed at them both and changed the subject. But as it was, she just rapped at her desk a few times. The two women turned and stared at her.

"Well, Inukai, if you really must know, I had a DNA test done. By a private company." Chitaru hurried to clarify when her eyes narrowed. "Move away for a moment." Chitaru got up, strode over to her filing cabinet, and then rifled through everything she kept in there until she found the fateful envelope that summarised the results of the DNA test. She shoved it at Inukai, and waited for her to react. And sure enough, her jaw dropped.

"Well, that tells me." Inukai tossed the sheet and the envelope so they landed on Chitaru's desk, and then returned to leaning on the filing cabinet.

"Good for you." Kenmochi retorted acidly. Inukai just gave her a dirty look.

"Okay, Namatame, I'm not going to ask any more about what you did or how you did it. The why I'll beat outta you later. For now, I have actual crimes to solve, so you know where I'll be." And Inukai clipped out, just as rapidly as she had come. Wryly, Chitaru observed that doing that seemed to have become a habit of Inukai.

"Seriously, who does she think she is?" Kenmochi puffed, eyes flashing with indignation.

"A highly decorated detective who works extraordinarily well, despite her appearance. Alongside our Lieutenant, she's closed so many hot cases I've lost count. And we've been friends a long time."

Kenmochi had the grace to look suitably embarrassed. She adjusted her glasses.

"Well…I guess I'd better leave too. Things to do, people to see. And also, my involvement ends here, doesn't it?" her expression was a mixture of resigned and sheepish.

"Yes. It's for the best" Then, regretting the harsh tone of her voice, Chitaru hurried to clarify her stance. "But, when I've told Hitsugi, and we've figured out things, then perhaps we could see each other again? As friends?"

Kenmochi hesitated. Then, her cheeks pinked and she grinned, sticking her hand out for Chitaru to shake.

"Sounds like a plan." She grinned. Chitaru shook her hand, and then bid her farewell. Kenmochi's exit was akin to a tornado, which made Chitaru chuckle for a while before remembering herself and sobering. Looking at the letter that stated the DNA results, she gritted her teeth. Gathering that and the rest of her 'evidence' , she shoved it quickly into her handbag and zipped it up. Then, she straightened her clothes and composed herself as she sat at her desk and waited for her next appointment.

**…**

Whatever her thoughts about Chitaru, Chiasa and the mysterious house may have been, all of them disappeared whenever they went to Suzu's place for dinner. Of course, as the old woman was family to both of them in different ways, they saw each other often, but there was something about dinner that was just special. The last time they had been there, they'd had an interesting dinner table discussion about the Meiji period. As Suzu's childhood had followed on the heels of those times, she'd been their expert. This time around, Suzu had acquired more rabbits to befriend the ones she already had, and so they ended up in the conservatory, sneaking bites of food whenever the rabbits weren't hopping or crawling all over them. The end result was hilarious, and rather messy –as if they were hyperactive middle schoolers as opposed to a trio of grown women- but Hitsugi liked that. A lot. So she wasn't even thinking about any of her doubts or plans as they walked home in a happy haze. Instead, as usual, they chatted and teased each other, and partially as a result of the happy haze, couldn't keep their hands off each other.

Which is why when later, in the small hours, when Chitaru sat up and looked at her with serious eyes while saying she had something important to tell her, Hitsugi's heart plummeted.

"S-something important? To do with me?" Hitsugi also sat up, and then stared as Chitaru climbed out of bed, put on a dressing gown, and went to the cupboard to find her handbag. Silently, almost apprehensively, Chitaru retrieved a lot of papers and then came back to the bed and fanned these all infront of her.

"I…I just want you to know, none of this changes what we are to each other, or anything like that."

_This is bad._ "Okay..." absently, Hitsugi looked down at the papers in front of her, and then she saw her name. Stunned, she grabbed at it, and goggled at it. And as if that wasn't enough of a shock, she saw Sachika and Mami's names on the same page.

"What….what is the meaning of this?" Hitsugi couldn't prevent her voice from shaking, and when she looked up at Chitaru, it was to see a sad face. _Why are you so sad? You instigated this, didn't you?!_

"Just-" Chitaru held out her hands as if fending Hitsugi off. "Just, let me explain."

And so, she did.


	27. The Rules to Breaking Through: part 3

It had started with little, little things. The way she was often groggy in the mornings. The shape of her smile. The face she made when concentrating. The silkiness of her hair. A million little, inconsequential things about herself, the type of details that a person didn't usually register about themselves, but that someone close to that person would. Like a lover, for example.

Hitsugi couldn't help but find it all oddly ironic that such a big bit of news had started from these small, small things that Chitaru had observed. But those things had snowballed, ending with the day she had received a teddy bear. Or rather, beginning. Because that was when what Chitaru could have written off as coincidence could no longer be so, at least in her mind. After all, what reason would there be for Hitsugi to have a strong resemblance to either Sachika or Mami if she wasn't related to them? Or, as Chitaru had suspected, if she was their biological mother? While Chitaru had been telling her all this, she'd looked in the mirror, trying to see what Chitaru had seen, but she couldn't. Not that it mattered. Chitaru had seen enough, and so she went out to make sure that she was actually right, and not just imagining things. And as it turned out, the timings of both Hitsugi's history and that of the twins worked in favour of Chitaru's assumptions. So had the DNA test Chitaru had ordered.

"_What DNA test?" Hitsugi cut Chitaru off when she reached that part of the story. "Wouldn't I have seen that on the doormat with the other letters?"_

"_I had it sent care of Rikako." Chitaru explained, suitably abashed. Hitsugi blinked, and then got it. This was the favour that Chitaru had asked for. _

"_Wait, you were there?" When Chitaru said that, Hitsugi realised that she'd uttered those thoughts aloud. _

That DNA test had come back with the finding that Chitaru was right. Sachika and Mami were hers. Hitsugi hadn't needed any other details. Instead, she had just got changed, told Chitaru she was taking a walk, and left.

That had been about two hours ago, and she had no idea what she was doing or where she was going. _Chiasa, Chiasa, Chiasa. _That was the only name in her head. Because what Chitaru had said meant that Chiasa didn't exist. At least, the Chiasa she'd mourned didn't. It also meant that her family had lied to her. Infact, there were so many implications that she could barely keep them straight, and the physical act of walking around matched the madness that was going on inside her head, so it helped.

Which was probably why she came up with the idea to break into the house that night, instead of the next night as she'd mentally planned. After all, it was the house that Sachika and Mami had been found in. Sure, science didn't lie, but if she could trigger her memories, she'd know for herself. For sure. Chitaru's certainty was not her own. _I have to do this. _So she turned on her heel and walked in the opposite direction, towards the house. It may have been dark, and she may have been terrible at navigation, but she had been mapping the area out for a long time. It was one of the 'rules' of breaking in that she'd learnt all those years ago, as a child.

_Rule: Learn about the place you intend to enter. _

And then there was another rule which stemmed from that.

_Rule: Be sure you know the surrounding area, too. _

That rule turned out to be one she'd followed better than she'd initially thought.

As she approached the street, she slowed, and looked around her. Nobody was around at this time, and she knew that anyway, but it was still good to be sure. It would be one hell of a kick in the guts to get caught because she had been too relaxed. So she remained vigilant, even as she got to the front of the house.

_Rule: Always be on guard._

Taking a deep breath, she flipped up the hood of her hoodie to obscure her face. Then, she contemplated the building a moment longer before striding towards the fence and clearing it with a swift jump, landing silently on her feet. _Yes!_ She allowed herself a mini fist pump before continuing on.

_Rule: Don't waste time. _

She dropped to her hands and knees, keeping her body as pressed to the ground as possible, and started to crawl around to the back of the house. It was neglected enough that the entrance to the back garden wasn't locked, and so that was where she headed in order to further decrease the chances she'd be seen. Every move was calculated, not a single centimetre of the distance she moved was displaced as she shuffled through that dilapidated doorway.

Carefully, she eventually managed to ease herself to the rotting back door, and pulled herself up to a sitting position. She dug in her hoodie pockets for the kit she usually used to pick locks, and then groaned when she realised she didn't have it.

_Rule: The pick-lock kit is essential to any heist. _

Of course, she'd walked out here on a whim and come here on another whim. Still, it was stupid of her, to forget something so essential. After some thought though, she carefully pulled at the edge of the door and it pulled open. It also creaked and fell apart so loudly she was convinced she'd get caught right there. _I'm out of practise._ But apart from that interruption, the night remained silent. She waited a few more moments until she was convinced that nobody was coming, and then stepped forward and stepped through the doorway, somehow managing to avoid what remained of the door.

In the back of her mind was the thought that she shouldn't be doing this, that this was exactly what she'd come to Myojo to leave behind. This is what she had abandoned when starting her life with Chitaru. But she had been honest back then, when baring all. Chitaru had repayed that by hiding. _Hell, even my teddy bear isn't just a simple teddy bear anymore,_ she thought, bitterly. As she walked, she stamped her foot a little in annoyance, and then she realised her foot was hitting wood, and the door she had squeezed through was some distance away.

She was in.

**…**

Minutes ticked by on the digital clock, and yet Hitsugi's side of the bed remained empty. Chitaru stared at it with nothing but the horrible knowledge of having messed up spectacularly. She'd hoped Hitsugi would come back soon, but clearly she needed more time. And she would have it. Chitaru would wait. Wait until the morning, when both their minds would hopefully be clear, and then maybe they'd be able to fix things.


	28. The Rules to Breaking Through: part 4

**Well, I was on a bit of a roll, and I managed to write this chapter a little quicker than expected, so here it is! Enjoy!**

_Rule: Don't get side-tracked. Do what you came here to do, then leave. _

Easy enough, but what she came here to do was more of an abstract concept anyway. Recovering memories was not the same thing as retrieving a vase or some shipment of weapons. But she'd try anyway. She tip-toed carefully into what had probably been the kitchen. It was small and falling apart. The oven was still there, nestled underneath dusty counters, and there was an empty space where a fridge would have once stood. She walked over to the taps near the sink, and sure enough, no water came out. The kitchen windows were boarded up, so she couldn't see outside. She grimaced at the dust, felt the need to clean it up, but she couldn't. _Don't get side-tracked. _She had to hurry. Besides, from what she knew, she wouldn't have been in the kitchen anyway. In the first place, she had no clue how to cook back then. In the second place, Natsuki wouldn't have allowed her. No, the place she had to look was the bedroom. That's where she had been back then, anyway. In a bedroom.

"Upstairs it is." She said aloud to herself, just to make sure she was still awake. And then she found herself wandering into some sort of dining room, stripped bare of furniture. Instantly, she face palmed. This was a huge house- almost a mansion. Of course getting to the stairs wouldn't be simple task.

_Rule: Keep going unless there is no other option. _

She had time, and she wasn't tired despite not having slept. She'd manage just fine. And that's exactly what she would do. So she continued on, hoping to eventually find the room. And with it, some answers.

**…**

At some point, Chitaru must have fallen asleep, because she found herself waking up to the faint rays of sunshine peering in through her bedroom window. These same rays shone onto Hitsugi's side of the bed, revealing it as still empty. The realisation made her sit up, and she just blinked.

_She didn't come back._

Clearly, Hitsugi was still angry, or just pissed off. At the very least, she was wondering how to face her. And Chitaru didn't blame her- knowing that she'd actually had two daughters instead of just the one was bad enough. To know that they hadn't died at birth was even worse. But the fact that any chance of getting to know them had slipped out of her grasp? Chitaru had been the one to take Mami and Sachika in, to bring them up. That didn't mean what she'd lost was the same as Hitsugi's loss, but it came pretty close. So Hitsugi was entitled to whatever she felt. Chitaru just wished she'd talk to her about it. For a moment, she considered phoning in sick, and just staying at home until Hitsugi returned (because she had to return, she just had to). But then she thought of Inukai. She couldn't put her finger on it, but something was wrong there.

"_How did you know about the Kirigaya family name anyway? We've never dealt with them, have we?"_

"_You haven't. It was one of the cases we didn't need your input, an old one, a couple of cases before the Ichinose family homicide." _

_They both remained silent for a moment, remembering the horrible events that had brought Haru to Azuma. There was also an irony there, in that the things they were discussing now had somehow come about because of a similar chain of events. _

"_Oh." Chitaru said. A gang related case then. It would make sense. Gangs networked everywhere, even if they were only based in one part of the country. Why would Hitsugi's family have been different? Inukai nodded, clearly satisfied. _

"_Like I said, I'm fully aware plenty of people can share family names without actually being part of the same family, but it's enough to get me checking it out just in case, and sure enough, Hitsugi is the daughter of Tora and Minori Kirigaya. Except that they don't consider her as such, anymore. They did back then. Not now, and not for four years. "_

_ That conincided with what she knew about Hitsugi's coma. And then, as if she read her mind, Inukai said just that. _

"_You know about her hospital stay?!"_

"_Can't delete medical records, Namatame. Of course, the story behind that is all under wraps and all, but you have to admit that it all adds up to some fishy things."_

"_Seriously, Inukai? That's a bit far-fetched. Hitsugi's finished with that part of her life, you know. Don't bring it all back for her."_

_Inukai just gave her a look. Chitaru stared back to the extent it was uncomfortable._

"_What? What is it?" Inukai just shook her head. _

"_Nah, no biggie. But let me tell you something else…."_

Sighing, Chitaru got out of bed. Staying in would definitely alert Inukai. She didn't want that to happen. Even though they were friends, she sort of blamed Inukai for things going bad. Illogical, but there it was. If she went in as normal, that would be the best thing. She'd leave a note for Hitsugi, send messages to her phone, and then wait for the evening. Then things would be fine. They had to be.

**...**

Eventually, Hitsugi managed to find her way to the stair case. It was a large, winding one, and it would have been magnificent back in its day, but now the house had fallen into disrepair, it, too, was shabby.

"_Keep walking! What are you dawdling for?" The moment she hesitated on the stairs, she was poked in the back with Natsuki's gun or the handle of his knife. A reminder that perhaps next time, it would be the blade of a knife or a bullet from the gun that would touch her. She steadied herself with the banisters the best that she could, and gritted her teeth. When she was sure she wasn't going to slip off the step and fall to her death, she spoke. _

"_I'm not. You know I can't move as fast now." She didn't mention her tied wrists and ankles._

"_Ugh, just get on with it." Natsuki sounded peeved at being reminded of her pregnant state. As if he needed reminding. Hitsugi just rolled her eyes and continued climbing up clumsily. Perhaps defiance was reckless, but she couldn't bend to his will, because if she did, that really would be the end. Unless another solution presented itself to her, defiance was the only way. _

"_Fine, fine."_

_She hopped and stumbled up the stairs, Natsuki behind her all the time. She heard two of his buddies shuffling around somewhere in the vast upstairs area, moving furniture by the sound of it. She supposed that furniture was for her 'jail cell' as Natsuki had termed it when he'd sprung out of nowhere three days ago. Not that she wanted to think of it. _

"_This way.", "That way, no that way stupid.", "There, nearly there." Hitsugi followed the directions blindly, sometimes throwing sarcastic comments at Natsuki, but otherwise ignoring him. Especially when his words became soft, almost comforting. Almost like the old Natsuki, the one she thought he had been. She wasn't about to fall into that trap again. _

"_And, here we are. Thanks, guys." Natsuki added to his two friends. Hitsugi kept her head down as they passed each other. One of those friends was also friends with an ex-boyfriend from high-school, and the awkwardness-although petty in comparison to what was going on-was not what she needed. _

"_What do you think, Hitsugi?" Natsuki asked, grabbing her chin and forcing her to look up. "I made it just for you. So you can stay with me all the time." His voice sounded like that of a child who'd drawn a picture for their mother, much like a little girl she'd seen at the shopping centre one time. _

"_Why would I want that?" Hitsugi spat. She wriggled her head, and managed to shake his hand off, which angered him. He pushed her violently so that she almost hit the bed head-first. _

"_Just get in the bed."_

Hitsugi staggered at the sheer strength of the flashback. It was the first clear memory of those times she'd had. Almost unconsciously, she rubbed at her wrists, as if soothing the rope burns. She squirmed for a moment, trying to clear her mind. And then she noticed how the room was a little lighter. It took her a moment, but she soon realised that the sun had come out. It was daylight. Her time was running out.

_Rule: When something unexpected wastes your time, work faster!_

And so she did. Being less cautious about noise, she ran up the stairs, and followed her memories up until the room she had kept in, not stopping for a single second. Occasionally, her feet got caught in sticking-up floorboards, but she somehow managed to stay upright and continue moving. When she got there, she skidded to a halt, out of breath. She breathed heavily for a moment, dropping to her knees. But since she didn't have time to just waste, she quickly pulled herself together, and looked up at the door. It was in surprisingly good condition, and was pulled closed. But now it seemed formidable, unknowable, scary. _But what I seek is behind it…._Taking in another deep breath, she stood up, and stared at the door. She allowed herself only one more moment of hesitation.

Then, she opened the door.

**So, after this, there are two more chapters before the story ends, and then an epilogue. The next chapter will be entirely from Chitaru's POV, and then the one after that, the final one, will be entirely from Hitsugi's POV. As for whose POV the epilogue will be from...why, that'll be a surprise! So look forward to all that ^^**

**Hope you enjoyed the chapter, please leave feedback!**


	29. The Rules to Breaking Through: part 5

**Oh, what could this be? Another update so soon? Apparently yes, haha. I do hope you enjoy it. If you remember what I told you last chapter, this is the second-to-last chapter and is entirely from Chitaru's POV. So, let's begin!**

"So…."

For some reason, Chitaru decided to drive into work that day. Because of that, Inukai and Chitaru arrived at Myojo First at the same time, and naturally Inukai wanted to know how Chitaru had managed to break the big news to Hitsugi. And naturally, Chitaru didn't want to tell her. So she just shrugged. In return, Inukai narrowed her eyes, but at that point they were interrupted by the arrival of Azuma.

"What's up?"

"Nothing." Chitaru replied. When Azuma just narrowed her eyes, Chitaru wondered if maybe she'd been too chirpy in that answer. A beat or two passed as they walked in silence, and then Azuma seemed to give up.

"I see." She said. "Say, Inukai, did you follow up on those witnesses I asked you to? The Awanuma woman and her kids?"

"Ah, right, yes. " Just like that, Inukai switched her attentions and was all business. Chitaru separated ways with them and headed to her office, glad to be alone.

When she got there, she took out what she needed from her handbag, and then put her handbag down in the usual place. Then, she made herself a cup of coffee before sitting down at her desk. As she did so, her gaze rested on the photographs on her desk.

_Sachika. Mami. Hitsugi. _

She wondered if Hitsugi was going to come back to her at all. Or if what she'd found out was too much for them to recover from. She put her coffee cup down and checked her phone. Since she'd woken up to discover that Hitsugi still had not returned, she'd left a few text messages. All of them a variation on the same pleas: _I love you, this doesn't change that, please return_.

And not a single one has been replied to. The messages contained in speech bubbles just blinked up at her from the phone screen, neglected. There was only one tick in each bubble to indicate that the messages had been sent, but apart from that, she may as well have been chucking her feelings into a deep and dark void. Chitaru sighed, sadly, but she wasn't too surprised. But she wasn't about to give up. So she tapped the phone to allow her to type a new message, and then thought carefully about the feelings she needed to get across to Hitsugi.

_Take the time you need. Be safe. I'll still be here when you return. _

She hesitated for a moment, a bit knocked back by her rawest feelings flashing back at her. But all the same, she hits send anyway. Hitsugi needs to know, needs to know how they are still who they were despite everything. She needs to know. _And I need you. _

After she'd stared at her phone for one more long and painful moment, she sighed and put it away, ready to start the day.

**…**

When her lunch break came around, Chitaru locked her office up and took a bus over to QUEEN. Hitsugi still hadn't replied to her messages, but this time there were two little ticks next to each message to indicate that they'd been read, which was at least something. So she figured that maybe Hitsugi had come home to change her clothes, and then go to work. Work was separate to all of this, something Hitsugi'd had before ever colliding into Chitaru, before ever knowing about Sachika and Mami. Before everything, in a way. And since Chitaru knew how much Hitsugi relied upon compartmentalising things into a Before and an After, she also thought that QUEEN was the best place to find her. So it was with that thought she strode purposefully into the restaurant that lunchtime.

"Oh, Namatame-san!" Chitaru blinked, trying to remember the name of the young girl who'd appeared in front of her-for she was no more than a girl, really-all while she scanned the restaurant for any sign of Hitsugi.

"Namatame-san, are you all right?" It was then Chitaru remembered the name of the girl: Hana.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, Hana-Chan. Just…could you get Hitsugi for me? I want to tell her something."

"Oh!" Hana clasped her hands and grinned soppily. "How adorably sweet! Sure thing! I haven't seen her, but then I only came here to rack up some hours during lunch and free period so….let me ask someone!"

Hana disappeared, and Chitaru observed the lunchtime crowd, watched their laughter and conversations and the way they hovered over their food and dug into it. And she remembered how these things were the way she used to be, with Hitsugi. _I should have left well alone. What did I get out of knowing for sure?_

"Namatame-san?"

"Hana-Chan?" Chitaru felt a fluttering at the odd expression on Hana's face, and it was not a good kind of fluttering. Infact, it was a kind of dread.

"I just asked Mitsuyama-kun, and he said that Hitsugi called in sick today. Don't….don't you two live together?"

_Called in sick today. _Chitaru stood there, turning the words over in her mind. _Called in sick. What do I make of that?_

"I, erm, right, yes, thank you, sorry about that!" the words jumped out of Chitaru suddenly, and she wasn't even sure she got them in the correct order as she rushed back out and down the street. She didn't even bother getting a bus, figuring it would be a lot better to just use her legs to get back to Myojo First. And once she got there, she didn't bother going inside. Instead, she just rushed to her car, and got in.

Almost instinctually, she got out a CD and put it into the player without looking, and started driving. A few moments later, her daughters' favourite song started playing. Despite herself, Chitaru laughed. For that song of all songs to be playing was truly fitting. But she didn't dwell upon that, because looking for Hitsugi was more important. So she let the music fade into the background, and just kept on driving.

She drove around and around, passing the same places many times, making sure to visit every single place she'd been with Hitsugi. Since she hadn't found her where she'd thought, Chitaru had no idea where she'd be. She didn't even trust the memories she had, but relied upon them anyway. At this moment, it was all she had to find Hitsugi. And she needed to find Hitsugi, because if something bad had happened to her, Chitaru would never forgive herself.

When she passed the shopping centre again, she got caught in a line of traffic. _Oh, great! _Angrily, she tapped at the steering wheel and glared at the cars in front of her. Thinking that she should make use of the time, she picked up her phone and looked at it to see if any replies had come. They hadn't.

Cursing out loud this time, she decided to call Hitsugi this time around, and did so, holding the phone to her ear in anticipation. One ring, two rings, three….after six rings, the ringing cut off, and the automated message informing her that the person she was trying to call couldn't be reached rang out almost smugly.

"Stay where you are, I'm going to find you. And for god's sake, when you get this, call or message me, okay?!" with that, Chitaru hung up. Hopefully that would get through. And then it occurred to her that she hadn't warned anyone at work that she was leaving. _Typical Chitaru! Always thinking of other obligations. This is what got you into this mess!_

All the same, she left the appropriate messages, and then chucked her phone onto the seat next to her. At that moment, the traffic cleared, and then she began driving again, this time picking up speed. Wherever Hitsugi was, she needed to get there fast, really fast.

BRRINNNGG! The sound interrupted the background music, as well as her thoughts, making Chitaru jump. Her hands let go of the wheel, and as she did, she noticed her phone was ringing. And the name on the display was the one she'd been waiting for. _Finally!_

She reached for the phone, ready to answer it and say everything that she needed to say, but her surroundings became jagged, and moved disturbingly. The more she tried to reach out, the more everything seemed to wobble and waver, and then she remembered she was driving, and looked up to see a lorry heading straight towards her, also trying to swerve. _Away from me,_ she realised. Alert, she sat up and abandoned her phone, instead trying to grab the wheel and regain control. She managed to, but at the same moment she tried to turn away, the lorry swerved in the same direction, and the two of them collided.

_Ah, maybe I don't have to wait six years after all, Sachika, Mami. _For some reason, that was the thought that came into her mind, but she didn't have time to analyse why that was, for that was the moment all went black.

**Oho, a cliifhanger. I'm trying to move along my other multichapters story as well, so although I will be working hard on the next chapter for this one too, it is very likely that you are going to have to wait a full week for it like usual. Hope you don't mind that!**

**Please do leave feedback!**


	30. The Rules to Breaking Through: part 6

There was no bed.

It was the first thing Hitsugi noticed, after the eerie sense of calm she felt. She'd expected that the past would come back at her, a full-frontal storm, the moment she opened the doors. But no, that was not to be. And in a way, she was relieved.

She took one step, and then another and another and another into the room, noting how its condition was consistent with that of the rest of the place. Shabby and neglected. No place to give birth to a child. Except, of course, she had done just that. _Not just one though, two. And you failed them both, _an evil little voice in her head said.

_Both? No, no, there weren't two of them. Chitaru-san was mistaken. There was only ever Chiasa! _But even as the words formed in her head, she knew that they were just feeble protests. That it was more likely that 'Chiasa' was just a figment of her imagination. Sighing, she sat down in the middle of the room.

"_Since you insist on getting out of it all the time, then you clearly don't need the bed!"_

_Hitsugi sat on the floor, still stunned by a blow, watching Natsuki take the hammer to the bed, over and over again. Watching as it splintered and became useless. _I should do something, _she found herself thinking, even as she let the pain take her away into something resembling sleep_.

The memory disappeared, and Hitsugi sighed. That certainly explained the bed. She traced lazy circles on the floor, wondering if this was all she'd remember, and then suddenly had a flash of a tiny, scrunched up face, topped with bright blue hair. _Chiasa? Wait, come back!_

She clenched her fists and kept them in her lap, and closed her eyes, concentrating. Blue tufty hair, tiny scrunched up face. Strong, loud cries.

"_Shh, shh now. We'll be fine, we'll be out of here soon." She didn't bother to point out to herself that this was only if Natsuki didn't return, as that was redundant. She knew that already. She just concentrated on soothing her baby, ripping her shirt so that the little one had some kind of warmth, and ignoring the pain that coursed through her. _

"_There, there." She wrapped the pieces of cloth clumsily around the baby girl's limbs, not knowing how else to keep her warm when she didn't have any baby clothes of any type. All she could use was this t-shirt of hers. And it had to extend to two. Sorrowfully, she looked at the other whimpering, blue-haired little girl on the floor next to her sister, whimpering pitifully. _

"_Just a moment, Yuki. Let me dress up Rika first." The names came from her mouth impulsively, but she found that they fitted. "Yuki. Rika." She savoured the feel of the names in her mouth, letting them distract her from the horror, just for a while. _

"Yuki. Rika." In the present, Hitsugi repeated the names again and again, this time as a means of keeping herself anchored as she remembered incident after incident, not necessarily in order. Time lost meaning as she just sat there and thought about everything. And then, when her memories drew to a halt and only the initial blankness remained, she curled up and cried.

_Rule: Don't let your emotions overwhelm you in any situation. _The words popped up in her mind as she sobbed, but she ignored them. _Screw the rules_, she thought. _I've had enough of this_._ This was a fool's mission from the beginning. _

"Because we are perfectly fine." Hitsugi said into the empty room. "We're just fine, the way we are now." Or rather, the way they had been before Chitaru had felt the need to go find answers. Before she'd decided that she didn't believe Chitaru's word and had gone to do the same.

"I'm an idiot!" she declared. And then, in the same breath, she yawned tiredly, not bothering to cover her mouth. The lack of sleep had caught up with her, and it continued to take its toll as she stood up, wobbling as she did so. She looked at her phone, noticing a new message, as well as missed calls. Curious, she opened it.

_Take the time you need. Be safe. I'll still be here when you return. _

A lump rose in Hitsugi's throat, threatening her with the reappearance of tears. She swallowed it down, and then went into her address book to call Chitaru. But Chitaru didn't answer, and after many rings, Hitsugi cut off the call. If the words were anything to go by, she'd have other opportunities to call. So she gathered up the few things she'd taken with her, and left the house as quickly as possible.

Once out, she noticed the sunlight, and realised her dark clothes weren't helpful for hiding in daylight. But it didn't take her long to just decide to walk home using as many less-populated streets and alleyways as possible. She'd done a lot of that before, and for purposes worse than just getting to the first true home she'd ever had. _Besides, _she rationalised, _I'm making sure this will be the last time that I ever do anything like this. _She'd said that to herself before, but this time she was going to carry that through. She would fix things with Chitaru, then carry this through.

But first, she was going to get some sleep. And as soon as she got home and managed to drag herself up the stairs, she did just that.

**…**

Her sleep had been of the dreamless variety, so it irritated her to be pulled out of it again. Groaning, she sat up, rubbing her eyes. The knocking that had woken her persisted.

"Geez, hold it, I'm coming!" Hitsugi snapped. The knocking stopped, and she swung herself out of bed, only to realise that she was still in the same clothes she'd arrived back in, and that her hair was a mess. Hardly presentable. So she grabbed a random change of clothes from the cupboard, and then went into the bathroom to have a quick shower and change.

Once she'd tied her hair into a loose braid, she went down the stairs and opened the door.

"Oh." Hitsugi blinked. "Azuma-san, Inukai-san. This is unexpected." _And not good at all, _she added silently, noting their serious expressions. She'd expected Inukai to at least look faintly sneering, but she didn't. Instead, distress was stretched tightly over her sly face.

"May we come in?" Azuma asked.

"Erm….sure…." she said. "But why?" she let them in, and closed the door, leading them to the living room. She sat down on a sofa, and Azuma and Inukai picked a different one. A moment passed in which Azuma and Inukai exchanged looks, clearly wondering who was going to speak. In the end, it was Azuma who did so.

"We have some bad news for you."

**…**

"So, how's Chitaru-san today?"

"Ah, Hitsugi-san! Hello there!" the nurse smiled at Hitsugi. It had been three weeks since Azuma and Inukai had come to inform her that Chitaru had been in a rather nasty car accident, one that was thankfully nothing more than an accident. It had been touch and go initially, but despite the broken bones and many cuts and bruises, Chitaru was still alive, and didn't have any permanent brain damage. But the injuries she did have were severe enough that she'd been in hospital all this time.

"She's been quiet, as usual. Matsuoka-san had a physio session with her this morning and he said it was allright, and Shuuto-san came in for a visit as well. And she did have a nap earlier this afternoon. But she's awake now, so go right on through! She'll be happy to see you."

"Yeah, I know." Or at least she did, partially. Chitaru always smiled at her, and answered the most basic of her questions. But she was more withdrawn, and they hadn't been able to discuss the more serious issues in their lives and relationships just yet.

The nurse left her to it, and she entered the room, taking the chair she usually took. She dragged it up to her normal spot, and sat by Chitaru's bed.

"Good afternoon, Chitaru-san."

Chitaru turned from the magazine splayed out on her lap, and looked at Hitsugi. A faint smile appeared on her lips, and then she turned and looked at the scenery beyond the window. Hitsugi stifled a sigh. This was usually what happened. Looking around, she spotted an apple in a bowl on Chitaru's bedside table, and a knife next to it. She picked it up, and started peeling the apple.

"When I've finished peeling this, then you can eat it. What do you think of that? Or we could share, if you want. How does that sound?"

She continued to babble, telling Chitaru everything that she could think of-anecdotes of things that had happened to her, messages that Chitaru's friends wanted to pass along, and all sorts of random things. But Chitaru just kept staring out of the window, no matter how much Hitsugi tried to engage her. So eventually she gave up, and looked down at the partially peeled apple in the bowl that was now on her lap. The red peel seemed a lot like a ribbon to her, and she idly tried to tie it in a bow. It didn't work, so she just put the apple, bowl and knife where she had found them.

Chitaru still gazed out of the window. Hitsugi looked at her, at her somewhat blank face, and bit her lip. Just how long were they going to remain in this stalemate. _I need to try something. _

"Hey, Chitaru-san…I…erm…..about what happened to you, the fact that you were actually looking for me when it happened…I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I, I just…." Hitsugi cursed her sudden inability to form sentences.

"I should have just believed you, I mean….I've never had a reason not to trust you before, but I didn't even…..I know there's a lot we'll need to sort out, once you're all better, but could we just start over? "

She waited a moment, but Chitaru didn't react. Chastened, she stared down at her lap, trying not to cry. Of course this would be what happened. _What else were you hoping for? _Surely she was asking too much of Chitaru. Just the fact they were sitting here was proof of that. Maybe she should just walk away.

But despite that, she couldn't bring herself to get up and go, so she just sat there, staring at her fists. She should at least find one more thing to say, one more thing to get Chitaru to at least look at her. Sure, what she wanted was forgiveness, but that didn't seem likely, given the circumstances. The chance to start over, well that was even more unl-

"Start over? What for?"

_Ah, I knew it. _She did her best to keep her compsure, waiting for what else Chitaru would deserved it, anyway. And then Chitaru's hand covered her balled-up fists, and Hitsugi's heart skipped a few beats. _I don't understand…? _She looked up, to see Chitaru watching her, a contemplative look about her.

"What do we need to start over for?" she asked. "Nothing finished…did it?"

Hitsugi just stared for a moment, meeting Chitaru's eyes and trying to see if there was any deception in them. There wasn't. There wasn't even any bitterness. Just the same kindness Chitaru always had. And then the tears came. _Once again, I made the wrong assumptions. No more. I'm not doing that again. I'm making the most of what I have now, properly this time. _

"No," she said in answer to Chitaru's hesitant question, sniffling and wiping her eyes. "No, nothing did." She spent a few more minutes struggling to compose herself, and once she had, she smiled a watery smile at Chitaru. And when Chitaru smiled back, Hitsugi knew things would be okay. Chitaru still needed time to recover from her injuries, she needed to field any trouble that would have arisen as a result of her impromptu expedition, and they both had things they needed to clear up with each other.

But they would be all right.

**And here it is: the final chapter. Now, like I'm sure I've said too many times, there will be an epilogue. So if there are things that are unclear to you, wait until that epilogue comes out, just incase that epilogue clears up anything. So...anyway...what did you think of this story overall? What was good about it? What could have been better? Any other distinctive things you want to tell me about it? Just any feedback in general will be very appreciated!**


	31. Epilogue: Her Girls

**And here's the epilogue! It's in Suzu's POV, and takes place six years after the final chapter. I tend to like using POVs in the epilogue that haven't been used in the rest of the story, you see ^^. Anyway, hope you like it!**

_Well, that's all for now, I suppose. In any case, it will be a lot more fun to tell you my stories when we actually get to see each other. I look forward to it. But until then, take care._

_-Suzu Shuuto._

Suzu smiled to herself as she finished off the letter to the step-great-granddaughter she'd recently been reunited with. Kouko was a serious girl, and an anxious one at times too, but even though she was not related by blood to her granddaughter, Suzu could see traces of her late husband in the photograph Kouko had emailed a few months ago. It had made her a little sad, thinking of all the recent losses that had occurred in her life, as well as the less recent ones, but at the same time, she was happy.

Smiling, she folded the letter and slipped it into the envelope she had already stamped and addressed, before sealing it. Even with the emails they sent to each other, and even with the social media sites that Chitaru had taught her how to use, there was something special about the hand-written letters that Kouko and Suzu sent to each other. To her, they were one of the good things about her life right now. And the fact that they would soon be able to meet in person for the first time just made that even better. She mused on this as she got up from her desk, and then found her bag and jacket. She slipped her jacket on, and then put the letter in her bag, before leaving her bedroom and going down the corridor.

As she got closer to Chitaru and Hitsugi's bedroom, she could hear the sounds of laughter and giggling. _I should have got them to move in earlier. _But unlike those early days, when Chitaru had been in the hospital and Hitsugi was navigating the bombshell that had exploded over everything that she knew, Suzu didn't feel any regret. _What matters is that they're here now, laughing and happy and safe. _She tapped lightly on the bedroom door when she got there, and opened it.

Chitaru and Hitsugi were in the bed, their adopted three-year-old daughter sitting between them as she pretended to read from a large children's picture book. They were all giggling at both the narration and the pictures in the book. It reminded Suzu of playing with her own children when they were younger, and then later her grand-children, and then after that, Sachika and Mami. She missed all of them, but they'd all managed to make their peace with their pasts. This scene was proof of that.

"I'm just going to post this letter to Kouko-Chan now. Do any of you need anything from the shops while I'm at it?"

"Do you need us to come with you?" Chitaru asked instantly.

"Don't be silly! It's not that far at all." Suzu chided gently. Chitaru gave a sheepish smile.

"Me! Me! Suzu-tan, I want to come!" the little girl abandoned her book on the bed and instantly scrambled over to get to Suzu, paying no attention to either of her mothers' legs.

"Say please, Saki." Chitaru reminded the three-year old, who obliged automatically before jumping up and down in-front of Suzu. Suzu just laughed at the little girl, thinking of how she'd grown so much from the little bald bundle that Chitaru and Hitsugi had brought home after much thinking and careful arrangement.

"Of course you can come, Saki-Chan." _Saki. Blossom, youngest child. And, implied in those meanings, a child of second chances. _"But go and get your jacket first."

"Yes, Suzu-tan!" just like that, Saki was off and running. Hitsugi sighed and ran a hand through her hair.

"I'm sorry she's being too noisy, Suzu-san." Hitsugi apologised. "If she causes any trouble for you while you're out, do tell us."

"Ah, no, no. The two of us will be just fine." Suzu said. "Besides, noisiness is the whole reason I got you to move in when Saki-Chan was a baby."

"That's true." Chitaru conceded. Hitsugi leaned on Chitaru's shoulder, and the two of them looked at each other for a moment.

"I have the jacket!" Saki skidded back in, interrupting the cosy silence. "Look, see, I'm wearing it!" she stretched out her arms to show off the little denim jacket. All three adults in the room laughed.

"I do see." Suzu said. "Well then, we'll be off then. Enjoy yourselves." Suzu added on this sentence, knowing full well Chitaru and Hitsugi would enjoy themselves. Particularly as she was intending to take her time by doing other things as well as posting the letter. She took Saki's hand, and after the little girl had given lots of cheery goodbyes, they left the room and went downstairs.

"Hey, hey, Suzu-tan!" Saki chirped as they slipped on their shoes. "Is it too cold to have ice-cream after you put your letter in the letter-box.

"Ah, you read my mind. I think it might be, but what do you think about crepes, or cupcakes?"

"Cupcakes, cupcakes!"

"Well then, that's what we'll do. Letter, and then cupcakes. How does that sound, Saki-Chan?"

"Awesome sauce!"

Holding hands, Suzu and Saki left the house and walked down the street cheerfully. And as they did so, Suzu thought of how blessed they all were. Her life would soon be coming to an end- she was fully aware of her age, after all- but it wouldn't for a while, and she was going to make the most of that. And that started with reuniting with her family, and that itself had started with Kouko. Chitaru and Hitsugi had come too close to being drowned by their respective losses and secrets, but Chitaru had recovered from both her grief and her injuries, and although Hitsugi had never fully recovered all her memories of what had had happened to her when Sachika and Mami were babies, she'd learnt enough that she could finally put a line under her past and work towards being the person she was now. Both of them had managed to hold on to their jobs and weren't lacking in that area, and most importantly, they were closer to each other that ever before. Theirs was a true love. Suzu should know, from all the years she'd lived. And as for little Saki, her life really was just beginning, but Suzu was sure it would Saki would turn out to be special. She already was, as it happened.

Infact, all of her girls were special. And all the days she would continue to spend with them were just as special.

**And, that's the story COMPLETELY finished. I do hope you liked it all. Thanks for reading!**


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